I'm Straight I Swear!? (BoyxBoy)

16- If You Love Me Then Why Am I Dying?

Colin’s POV

I was sitting at the kitchen table while Mason flipped pancakes at the stove; much like my Mom had been doing when I first realized that I couldn’t be seen, unless the person looking happened to be gay. The smell in the room was intoxicating, a mix of the sweet batter and the musk of his cologne. Inhaling, I smiled softly.

“Breakfast is ready” he stated placing a plate in front of me piled high with delicious carbohydrates. My mouth watered as I began to take my first bite.

While I ate, I looked around me, taking in the pictures hanging on the walls, the knick knacks covering various surfaces in the room. It felt like a home...which made me think of my own house and more importantly my parents.

Would they ever see me again? And if they did, if they could see me now, would they still love me?

“Mason...your parents...how did they react to you....being you know...”

“Gay?” He supplied, I nodded. “Well, they weren’t happy, no parent is, and for a long time I thought that I had disappointed them, but they were really just scared. Scared that I would get hurt...that I wouldn’t be happy”

“But then you met Matthew” I whispered.

“Yeah...I met Matthew” and just like that the perfect bliss of a morning spent waking up next to each other was ruined. Because I was still, and always would be, a murderer.

I pushed back my chair, setting my plate aside “I’m going to go” I said. He didn’t protest.

But I had no intention of going home, not right away at least, and God knows where Joey was, so instead I took a seat at the bus stop and began to wait. When it pulled up, the doors opened and an old lady walked out while I stepped in, the bus driver didn’t notice me, neither did anyone else.

Two stops later I got off and began walking. The leaves rustled in the slight breeze, and the stretch of land before me seemed to sway as the grass was caught in it. I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going, but I had a good idea, and after ten minutes of aimlessly searching I finally found it.

Kneeling down, I stared at Matthew’s grave. Every single part of me felt as though I should be anywhere else but here, I had no right to go near him. Fresh flowers covered the site, notes and letters had been left as well.

“I’m sorry” I whispered, and then again, louder and louder until I was screaming the apology, praying that he would hear it, praying that he would know how much I meant it.

I stayed like that for a while, folded over in the wet grass. But eventually I got up and started to head back home...there was something I wanted to try. Something I needed to see for myself.

This time there were a few people who noticed me on the bus, and they shot looks of anger as I failed to pay the driver, but I’d much rather their heated gaze than the shocked expression of the driver as random money magically appeared out of thin air.

Sigh, the downsides of being invisible.

Once I reached my neighborhood I reluctantly got out, on the way to my house I passed by people I recognized, Church members, school faculty, peers, family friends etc. None of them could see me; so far the only ones who could were my Principle and Joey. I wondered how long it would stay that way. After all if this was Gods doing, if this was my punishment for killing Matthew in his name, then when would my sentence be considered served?

I took out my house key and opened the door, my mother was sitting on the couch and looked concerned when she heard me enter, but again, failed to see me. “Must have been the wind” she muttered to herself.