ALL THAT WAS LEFT BEHIND

Sunshine In A Box

            Doug became tired of my silence, and placed the phone back to his ear. “Yeah, Sea isn’t going to her classes tomorrow. Something came up.…so, uh, yeah.”

            A wave of relief flooded through me, and I immediately experienced a rush of gratitude towards Doug and his unrelenting trust for me. However, I couldn’t ignore the sickening, lingering guilt that loomed in front of me like the angel of death.

            “Okay. Yeah, sure. Sure, sure,” he said quickly, and hung up the phone.

            He turned around to peer at me through his warm, luminous and curious eyes.

            “Sea, if you needed a few days off of school, why didn’t you just tell us? We wouldn’t have minded.”

            I nodded, looking away from him and down at the table. “Okay. I- I don’t know why I didn’t just talk to you….but I’ve been talking to Samuel lately, oh, he’s like an um…a social worker, unofficially, but an official detective. Has Claire told you about him? I met him back home where…”

            Doug nodded as to make me carry on with my point.

            “And anyways, we’ve been talking the other day. About my father. I think he might have a lead on what happened to him…and I don’t know, I can’t help wanting to know.”

                        I saw Doug’s head bob up and down slightly, and he went back to the chair to submerge back into his newspaper, but didn’t disappear into it until I settled back into my work.

            After a few minutes, my eyes fluttered up to peer at Doug in his chair. His eyes skimmed the page in front of him, unaware to everything else. I looked back down at my completed work, and wondered.

            My heart thudded in my chest, and I could hear it rattle and squeak in weakness, as if it were a breaking, rusty machine. A cool sweat broke out, quickly coating my skin with icy perspiration, which had me feeling slightly queasy. My eyes fluttered, and eyed Doug with uncertainty. I wished that he could read my mind.

            I cleared my work, scooping up all the books and papers and shoving them into my binder, and cleared my throat. Doug looked up at me, staring at him, and put the newspaper in his lap. It ruffled, producing the only sound.

            I anxiously smiled, and said, “Willa invited me to go to her house for dinner tonight. Is that okay?”

            Doug stared at me, processing what I had just requested, probably because I hadn’t gone out of the house much since arriving. I was always like that though.

            In my mind, I continued to chant a series of ‘please say no; please don’t let me do this’ in my head. Willa was one of the most respectable people by far I’ve met, but if I was to accept her invitation, things would fall into place for me too easily.

            He nodded, and regained his speech. “Sure, yeah go ahead. Just tell me when you’ll be back, and be on your way.”

            A gong echoed through me in dread.

            “Oh, uh, -I-I don’t know,” I stuttered honestly. The truth burned and sizzled in my mouth, turning into a black char that encrusted my tongue, turning my insides out.

            He informed me that Claire would return late that night due to a dinner she was invited to from her book club, and shooed me onto my own business. He said he wasn’t feeling well, and that he was glad to be alone for the night anyhow.