She's a Woman

Chapter Twenty-One: Memories Are Made of This

I got back to our shared flat (which we were renting during our time back in Liverpool) and made a start on packing my things. I had acquired a lot more possessions since the last time I'd done a runner. My suitcase could barely shut properly with all the stuff that was crammed inside it. I managed to get it closed in the end, but it still weighed a tonne.

I shoved several smaller items into a plastic carrier bag, including my records, a brush and comb, my tattered little Janey Bear, and a framed photo of me and George. I gazed wistfully at that photograph. We had our arms around each other and huge smiles on our faces. George's head was tossed backwards in laughter, and I was grinning up at him. 

I remembered that day so clearly. I remembered how happy I was to know that George was mine. I was so happy to know that he loved me.

I shook my head violently and shoved the frame into the carrier bag. George wasn't mine anymore. He'd made it quite plain that he thought I was a waste of space. Besides, he seemed to like that blue-eyed drummer more than he loved me, so why bother holding onto the past? I had the future to worry about now.

I sat on the edge of my bed (well, my and George's shared bed) and buried my head in my hands. I had so much to worry about, and I was stuck for ways to resolve them. All I could do then was grab a piece of paper and a pen and scribble a quick note.

It's okay, Georgie. I know you don't really want me around anymore. Just know that I still love you and hope to see you again soon - even if 'soon' is a million years away. I'll be waiting for you. I'll never get tired of waiting for you. You were my first love after all. But now you've found someone else, and that's perfectly fine with me. I'll be fine on my own.

I forgot to mention, George. This might have actually been a good time for us to part ways. Your career with the band is taking off rapidly, and I don't want the burden of a steady girlfriend and a baby to get in the way of you having a successful life.

That's right, love. You did read that last part correctly. I'm going to have a baby... your baby. I would have told you sooner, but I was afraid of what might happen if I said anything. Don't worry, George, I won't let anyone know who the father is. Save you the embarrassment, y'know?

Anyway, it's been a good run. Have a nice life, George. I wish you all the best.

With lots of love from, Michelle Alison Edwards 

I signed my letter with lots of kisses, folded it neatly and tucked it under George's pillow for him to find when he got home. The note got a bit smudged and blotchy, but there wasn't time to rewrite it. I needed to leave him a message so he'd know what was going on... and why I was leaving.

I gathered up my belongings and dragged them out to the front entrance way of the flat. There was a big, silver mirror hanging on the wall beside the coat rack. I took a quick glance at myself. I saw a scrawny, messy-haired girl, in a too-big leather jacket and a slight bump where her stomach was. That bump, and what was going to come of it, would be a permanent reminder of George. I sighed heavily and walked out, dragging my burden behind me.

Then I started running. I ran and ran and ran.

I didn't know where I was going. I didn't really have anywhere to go. I couldn't go back to Hamburg, because the fare was huge and I didn't know anyone there anyway. 

I couldn't go back home to my mother. She'd just have a fit if she found out what my situation was. Maybe she would kick me out a second time if she knew I was pregnant. I didn't really fancy the idea of seeing her again anyway.