♡ The Merc Who Stole My Heart ♡ (Deadpool x Reader)

♡ Chapter 3 ♡

(A/N: mildly explicit stuff, mentions of male anatomy)

As soon as you two were somehow able to find clothes you two fled to New York City, the American capital of superheroes, where you'd be more easily accepted. As soon as Wade falsely claimed citizenship (you already being an American citizen who traveled to Canada for the program) you two went on the apartment hunt. 

The stares you two received infuriated you but made Wade feel poorly about himself.
No one noticed your small scar but everyone notices his completely scarred face and body.

One instance was especially bad.
You were eating at a little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant that was close to the hotel you were staying in, as a little break from the apartment search.
This middle aged couple was at a table next to yours and they kept whispering about how much of a saint you are and how unfortunate it must be for Wade. The comments became too much for him to the point where he actually lost his appetite.
Yes, Wade lost his appetite.
When the couple said "it must be hard for her, being with someone like that" you leaned over to Wade's abundance of food, snatched a meatball off his pasta, then proceeded to chuck it at the couple.
They looked at you in horror as you growled, "Shut. The. Fuck. Up." through gritted teeth.

Needless to say, you took your food to go and Wade regained his appetite once you got back to the hotel.

So here you sat, in yet another apartment building office. Now the only positive thing about the organization (besides meeting Wade) was that your money was not touched in the slightest, and you were in Wade's words: "filthy stinkin' rich!"

Wade went with you this time, you were going to make a sob story out of it in order to score this apartment. It wasn't bottom of the barrel but it also wasn't a NYC Penthouse.
It was a mix of an IKEA display room and the apartment from that one musical, RENT.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have the one bedroom one bath? It's more romantic for you two, and cheaper."

"Do you see me? Do you think my fiancée wants to wake up to this..this horrid monstrosity of a man?"
"S-sir I'm sorry I was merely suggesting.."
"Ever since the accident we choose not to sleep together. She hates looking at me. I'm..I'm the reason we.." He started to choke up and you put a hand delicately on his arm. 'Man he REALLY knows how to put on a show' you thought as you made your next move.
"Wade, honey, you don't need to mention her."

The man across from you two was hesitant and wide eyed, trying to strategically and carefully plan what to say next.
"S-so you two want the last two bedroom, two bath? Is that correct?"
You two perked up and said "yes" simultaneously to the man's surprise.

As soon as you two got the keys and everything, you walked down the hall to the elevator to check out your new apartment.
Right when you got into the elevator the two of you burst into a fit of laughter.
"You were a natural back there, especially when you started choking up!"
"Whatever it takes babe, whatever it takes." he said smiling and lazily slinging his arm over your shoulder.

You two were insanely close already and you considered Wade the best friend you've ever had. It kinda stung when he would talk about how mouthwatering a girl's ass was or how he'd like to "rock the bed" with her. You wanted him all to yourself and have his eyes only be for you, but over the months you've known him he's only expressed interest in you on a friend level.

You stepped off the elevator and looked for apartment 304, your new slice of heaven. Wade took control of opening the door because you were shaking of excitement, opening you found.. AN ORGY! No I'm just kidding, you found it fully furnished. It came as a huge surprise to both you and Wade.

"Uh, does someone already live here..if so they gotta get their asses out of our new pad!" Wade yelled to check if anyone was in fact here, when he heard no response he went around and checked every room.
You had reread the advertisement stating that it would be furnished already upon arrival of renting, but didn't tell Wade and watched as he continued to go all stealth-mode.

You stifled a laugh as he slid across the wall in a cheesy spy movie way.
"All clear!"
"Thanks Special Agent Wilson." you responded while rolling your eyes sarcastically.

"Was that an eye roll I saw, (y/n)?!"
"N-noo.."
"Are you just saying that so you don't get punished, you naughty little vixen ?" Wade questioned, his voice getting deeper and darker than before, rolling up his sleeves he strode towards you.

Next thing you knew he straddled you on the couch and started to violently tickle you. You started crying laughing and wheezing because you were so breathless.
"W-wade I'm going to pee!"
"I've always wanted to experience a golden shower! Wait.." he had stopped tickling you and you two just stared at each other.

"Wade.."
"Yeah."

And that's how your first night together in your new apartment went.

►► Fast Forward a bit ►►

You had scored a job with a Broadway production as the head of the costume and makeup department and Wade went back to his "old job" which he refused to tell you about.

One night you had gotten home before him and decided to snoop through his stuff, knowing very well he wouldn't get mad if he caught you.

Sifting through his drawers you found some explicit stuff, some that kinda shocked you, and a TON of weapons. You decided to be gutsy and lay all the weapons you found on his (now) neatly made bed.

You sat on his dresser and patiently waited for him to return. Shortly after you heard him stagger in, ripping his costume off so he was nearly completely naked, he walked right past you mumbling a "Hey babe" and stumbled into the bathroom.
You had saw a huge gash on his back, ripping open the door to see him buttnaked looking at himself in the mirror.
When he caught you looking at him he turned to you and smirked, "Like what you see?"
Your eyes traveled down his chest, past his stomach, and then to his pelvis. You felt your face heat up with the intensity of a thousand suns and closed the door again.

"Hey, what the heck was that for you tease?" he gasped sarcastically as he burst into your room, all bandaged up, yet still naked from the waist down.
"Wade! Put some clothes on!"
"Oh come on, it's not like you've never seen one of these before!" He teased, holding his flaccid penis in his right hand
"WADE STOP IT!" You shouted throwing a pillow at him and burying your face in your covers.
"Get out you pervert!"
"Hey (y/n), you know I'm just yankin' your chain! You're like a sister to me dummy."
"Wade. Out. Now." you growled in annoyance
He put his hands up and retreated while saying, "Okay, okay, jeez!"

You rolled over once he left and groaned, remembering how he told you he saw you as a sister.
Darn that sexy merc with a mouth.

You heard a loud crash from somewhere outside your bedroom door and rushed out to see Wade still completely naked, minus a pink frilly apron, attempting to cook something.
"That is so god damn unsanitary Wade.." You groaned, pinching the bridge of your noise after witnessing Wade scratch his butt then go back to cooking without even thinking about washing his hands.

"Oh hey hot stuff, didn't realize this was a taco party for el dos! Thought you were still mad at me for swinging my junk all up in your face!"
You sighed and sat down at the table, resting your cheek on your right hand.
"You really are something you know that? Besides, I can't seem to stay mad at you for long.."
Wade walked over to the table, placing a platter of tacos of all sorts down in the middle of it.
"That's because you love me~" he teased again, kissing the top of your head and sitting down across from you.

"Yeah, something like that.."

You ate in silence for a bit until Wade broke it, "Good thing we sleep in separate rooms, I would have been gassing you out all night!" Wade said giggling childlike. 

"Actually, I was going to suggest maybe sleeping together tonight, but if you put it that way.."
Wade starred back at you wide-eyed, "No wait I can hold my farts in I swear!!"
"Too late." You said chuckling at his intense protests.