The Whole Truth by Gregory Goyle

Lies

"It's the biggest crock of shit you'll ever read."

I looked up from my book at the speaker sitting next to me.

"What?" I asked him, disbelievingly, for he was now looking left out of the window of the double-decker as we lurched along Euston Road. He was a strange looking person. Quite big, like me, wearing a black T-shirt, a waist coat and army trousers in a camouflage pattern with a pork pie hat on his head. He was about forty with a large round earring and strange sort of uncomfortable energy about him. I'd taken him for an unemployed band roadie.

"That book," the man sniffed, "It's lies."

I closed the book and looked at the cover. The garish design featured a boy with round glasses and a famous lightning scar.

"It's Harry fuckin' Potter, mate," I told him.

"Yeah, he's a wanker, and a liar."

"He's a fictitious character!" I told him.

"Exactly. Not one thing in that whole book is true," the man said tapping it.

He was dead serious. I decided he must be nuts. Strangely though he was more defensive than aggressive.

"You're probably right," I agreed.

"I'm not 'probably right', I am right." he insisted.

"OK, you are right." I agreed, not needing this grief. Satisfied he looked out the window again. I opened my book.

I was reading away when I noticed he'd gripped the handle of the seat in front of him making the Sikh chap sitting in it a little uncomfortable. He sighed and stole a resentful glance at the book. I've seen this kind of idiot before and big as he was he wasn't any bigger than me. This shite I did not need.

"Look pal, I'm just reading a kids book. What's you're problem?" I told him, straight-up.

"It's fucken shit. She makes out like I'm some sub-normal suck-arse."

"Who does?"

"That Rowling bitch."

"What?" I asked, totally bewildered.

"It's a fucken calumny. That's what it is."

"A calumny?"

"Yeah. A libel. Foul slander."

"Of you?" I checked.

"Yeah, of me!"

He was getting worked up again.

I blinked, staring at him.

"Let me get this straight. You're saying 'Harry Potter', the world famous kids story is a slander..."

"libel," he corrected me.

"yeah ... whatever... Of you?"

"Yeah."

I couldn't help smiling.

"It's not fucken funny either," he said, starting to get aggressive.

I started to get how that might be possible.

"OK, OK, I get it. So somehow Jo Rowling knows you."

"Course she knows me."

"You went to school together?"

"Course."

"And she put you in the book?"

"Right in one."