If I Mean Anything To You (Kellic FanFiction)

Chapter 16: Slowly Growing Apart

CHAPTER 16: 

-----Kellin's POV---- 

The day after our fight, I woke up on the floor in front of the couch. I figured I fell off in the middle of the night, and thought nothing of it. I wandered to the bedroom and got dressed, not bothering to shower. I ran my brush through my hair once, brushed my teeth, put on a purple beanie, and left. 

When I got to the hospital, Dr. Lukas was in Vic's room. It struck me as weird because it was pretty early. 

"Hello, Mr. Quinn. How are you this morning?" 

I glared at her. I was mad at her, but that was a fucking stupid question. "I don't think you want to know the answer to that," I said softly. 

She nodded awkwardly. "Well, Vic seems better this morning. He still refuses to be touched by anyone unless it's necessary, but he's more talkative and interactive than yesterday." 

I nodded. "Vic?" 

He turned over and looked at me. Instead of being angry, his eyes were full of hurt. "What?" 

"Are you still mad at me?" 

He looked down, refusing to meet my stare. "I'm not mad, Kellin. I just... I can't do this anymore..." 

"What? Are you.... Are you breaking up with me?" A tear dripped onto my cheek at just the thought of such a thing. 

"I... Yes... but only temporarily. I just need some space." 

I dropped into the chair next to me and I buried my face in my hands. I heard Dr. Lukas leave the room in a hurry. 

"Vic, please don't do this to me... I need you... What about all the things you said? What happened to that?" 

"Kellin! You don't understand! I just can't sleep with you anymore! Don't make this harder for me than it has to be!" We were both sobbing by this point. 

I got up from the chair and took four big steps to the door. 

"Kellin?" I turned back around to see Vic's face, shiny with tears. "This doesn't mean I don't love you." 

"I love you too, Vic. I'll have your room ready for you when you get home."

"They're letting me out tomorrow at noon." I nodded and rushed out of the room. 

When I got back to my apartment, I got all of Vic's clothes from my closet and moved them back to the guest room. I changed the sheets on his bed and washed all his clothes that were strewn about my floor. I found the shirt he wore on our first date, buried in a pile of weeks worth of dirty clothes. I picked it up and clutched it to my chest. I sat on the floor, crying and holding the t-shirt. It brought back memories of when we weren't broken. 

Things had changed so drastically in the past two days that it felt like nothing would be the same again. 

******* 

The next day when I brought Vic home, for the first time, it was incredibly awkward between us. He went straight to his room to change his clothes, leaving me in the living room. Throughout the day, he barely made eye contact with me, we barely talked, and he kept at least two feet of space between us at all times. 

It was like this for the two months. He slept in the room across the apartment, and I barely slept at all. Our relationship was tumbling downhill, and it was killing me inside. I loved him so much my heart ached. 

One day in March, I approached him while he was doing his homework. We were both getting straight A's and our scholarships were still intact. 

"Vic, we need to talk." He looked up at me, and I sat down across from him. "We need to figure this out. I love you so much, and going on like this is killing me. Nothing in this world is more important to me than you. I know you blame me for what happened, but I need you to know that I blame myself too. It's my fault. I wasn't here when you needed me, and I hate myself everyday for it. I need you back in my life, Vic. Remember, they say that love is forever, your forever is all that I need? That's still true." 

He stared at me, finally making eye contact with me. "I still love you too, Kellin. I know I've been very distant for a long time, but I've been thinking a lot. I've never hated myself for anything more than I do for pushing you away. This is because of me, and I'd like nothing more than to fix it, to fix everything with you, and to be what we used to be." 

I smiled, tears welling up in my eyes. Before I knew what was happening, he stood up, walked over to me and kissed me. It was hesitant and careful and scared, but it was still a kiss. He raised his hand and touched my face. His touch was like hot fire on my skin, but in a good way. He jolted away, and I understood. He was scared, so was I. 

This was only the first step in getting my Vic back. He continued to sleep in the other bedroom, but that kiss gave me something I hadn't felt in a long time. 

Hope. And hope is a dangerous thing to lose.