Love Never Dies (an Unconditional student/teacher romance)

Chapter Eighteen - Her Little Red Book

The weak Autum sun was shining strongly through Leo's black-out blinds. When the heat of the light rested upon Leo's stiff face, he closed his eyes tighter. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to face another day of life, not anymore. As if the sun could feel Leo's pain, it's rays grew stronger, encouraging him to somehow make an effort, and they burst through Leo's blinds. Leo groaned angrily and yanked himself up, out of his bed. He stalked past his wardrobe and towards his long, wide window, where he thrust the curtains aside and glared up at the sun.

Well, I say glared. What Leo really did was tilt his head up at it, put his hand above his eyes, and scrunch up his expression as if he were in intensive pain. But Leo was in intensive pain right now. His entire left side was throbbing. He turned from the sun and sighed; right in front of him lay his walking-stick, standing solitary against his wardrobe... waiting for him. Holding his head high, he got dressed, limped to his stick, then picked it up.

Same shit different day, Leo growled to himself.

* * *

"We'll be about an hour or so. Rad wanted to stop by McDonalds and get somethin' to eat. I swear to God if I hear him ask for another employee's cheeseburger, I will explode!"

Leo ascended from the last stair and limped towards his open kitchen, before he replied, "All right, I'll see you both then. Tell Rad to bring me a Big Mac meal please. Bloody starving."

"Have you not been eating like?"

"Of course I have... I just..." He stared into the bottomless pit of his empty fridge before gently closing the door - watching the light inside turn off - before he said, "Fancy a Big Mac, that's all."

"Ooh my Jesus! Not you too! Have you any idea how much fat is in-"

"Oh, I've gotta go!" Leo cut in, already getting bored of this conversation. "There's my neighbour at my door again!"

Quickly, he hung the phone up, threw it onto the couch, and braced his head against his open palms which were flat against the fridge.

He couldn't go on like this. He just couldn't. The not eating, getting up in the morning, knowing she was dead, being alone, not wanting to live life. He was so weak, was Leo. Why am I so weak? He asked himself. But then his subconscious spoke to him: You're weak because the person who made you strong in life, who made you fight, is gone. And that was the truth. It was her very purpose in life which made him fight. Ever since he was twenty-eight years old. And now look at him: he was a middle-aged man with nothing to show for himself. Sure, he had a nice, modern apartment with a fantastic open-view of the city lights, and he had once had a good career, and would always be comfortable with money, but that was it. What else stood for him in life, he didn't know.

Or so he thought.

After Leo perpared some toast and tuna, and drank a glass of sour milk, all the while reading his newspaper, he decided to freshen up a bit. He wobbled up the couple of stairs which led to his spacious bathroom, and turned the tap on, only to find out that the hot water was cold. He then wobbled into the kitchen and checked his gas-meter: 2 pence was all that was in his meter. No bath for him then.

Ashamed of himself because he wouldn't even go out just to put money in his gas-meter, he boiled the kettle and poured the water into the sink, where he shakily washed his face and hands. Once the soap ran out of his eyes and he could see again, just, he outstretched his hand and groped for his towel. As if it were hanging in mid air, his hands found it.

He stretched up and wiped his face. Throwing the towel over his shoulder, his stick aided him to his main bathroom, where he then began to examine himself in the mirror. He wasn't sure if it was the soap still in his eyes, or his painful hallucinations, but he thought he saw Ruby sitting behind him, on his marble toilet seat. He scrutinised the mirror at her; she was fifteen years old again, and was staring at him from ontop of her horse. What was that horses name again? Fido, wasn't it? She called him Fido? And taught him how to ride his horse, Bonnie? Ah, ha! And then I taught her to canoe, and she fell into the lake! I saved her life that day. When was it? 2001, surely? Yes, it was 2001. Leo can remember how he himself couldn't even canoe. He went to lessons that year, just so he could volunteer at the Camp where he'd spend those precious weeks with Ruby. Weird, Leo mused, I tried to resist her for so long. So many years. I wasted my entire life; fighting each day just so I could forget about her, and then when I finally surrendered and sought her out, she was taken from me. Gone.