Situation

Chapter 20: Dude's Got Double D's?!?! Part 2

         Lenalee and I open the door to the lingerie shop, and she pulls me towards the bra and sleepwear department. She hadn't talked to me at all since she stopped crying, and it was really bothering me, especially because Kanda wasn't this upset with me when he found out. I follow her as she begins to search the racks for my size, and I say, "Lenalee, can we please talk about this?"

"Do you think this will fit?" she says, totally ignoring what I just said. She holds up a beige bra to my chest, eying it before she replaces it and continues to rummage through the garments. It aggravated me to think she was practically disregarding my existence just because I didn't tell her I was a cutter and constantly pondering suicide. I mean, it is a big deal, but she didn't have to be angry about it.

She hands me a bra that read "DD" on it, and began pushing me towards the dressing room. Sighing, I lock the door after I'm inside and pull off Kanda's shirt and the gigantic bra I was wearing. I look at my reflection in the full body mirror. I didn't look like Allen Walker anymore, because I was Allena now. Truthfully, with all the scars, I didn't even resemble the Allen I used to be with the brown hair and a father. Putting on the bra to tame the beasts on my chest, I hook the clasp for once. Besides, I wasn't going to ask Lenalee anyways, regardless of whether or not I could connect it.

Luckily, the lingerie actually fit, and that scared me, since I personally didn't like the idea that I had double D's on my chest, but I was a girl after all. Would it feel different being with Kanda as a girl than a guy? Maybe I would find out later, but at the moment, I just wanted to eat.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I walked back into my room, a bag containing a skirt, leggings, fitting sweater, a pair of boots, and two bras on top of the one I'd changed into. It definitely felt better in a bra that fit since my back wasn't hurting. Lenalee still hated me, but I was trying not to think about it. I dropped the bag onto my dresser, and sat on the bed next to Kanda who was waiting. I hadn't even laid back yet when he crashed our lips together roughly, letting his hands roam over my curves.

Even though I wanted it, I push him away softly. I wasn't in the mood after what had happened. "Did I do something?" my boyfriend asked.

I shake my head, "No...I...I..." I burst into tears, shaking profusely. Kanda didn't need to ask to know that it had upset me, and he pulled me to his chest where I clung to him. The tears pouring out of my eyes dampened his blue t-shirt as I nuzzled as close as I could to him, my fists balled up in the fabric.

He stroked my hair, "Shh, it's okay, Allen. What happened?"

The question hung in the air for a few minutes until I could gather the words though my cheeks were being slicked with fresh tears every second, "Lenalee found out."

"Found out what?" I could sense the utter confusion in his voice. He obviously wouldn't have worried about the topic for two years, so I didn't expect him to detect what it was. I whisper, "She overheard us talking earlier. She won't even speak to me."

His grip tightened around me, and I was grateful for it. I needed to know that I had someone who loved me regardless of my past, and kept it from being the present. I knew Lenalee was only upset and she wouldn't end our friendship, but she was probably furious with me for not telling her and with herself for not noticing.

I shudder, whimpering because the bulges on my chest were keeping me from being as close as I normally could to the bluenette holding me. To add to this, my stomach snarled, but I didn't want to eat. The only motivation for me to finally pull away from Kanda and stand was the baby.

"Are you okay now?" he asks as I retrieve the outfit Lenalee bought out of the bag on the dresser. I nod, "Yeah. Besides, I need to eat really badly."