Plot? What Plot?

*Insert Clever Title Here*

Too bad my relatives don't appreciate this fact and would never in a million fucking years support my hobby. Man, I really effing hate these people sometimes. Getting slapped around and talked down to everyday really wears a person down after a while. Like damn, I try my hardest to be normal around them but they still hate my guts. Really not great on the already shitty self-esteem. Interrupting my self-pity jam session, I hear the mail pop in and sit up with a groan, managing to drag myself out of my closet. How I wish for the day that I get to use magic whenever I please. I'm too damn lazy otherwize. I picked up the stack of letters and flipped through them before a confused look crossed my face. What in the Betty-Crocker loving fuck was this? A letter, addressed to me. And holy fucko, they even knew I lived in a closet! I hesitated for a moment, before opening my closet and shoving the tan letter in, quickly shutting it. Those dicks would take that letter from me faster than I could say sassafras with a lisp. "Freak! Hurry up and bring the mail here!" I heard Vernon shout from the kitchen. Well fuck you too Vernon! Seriously, he was the biggest asshole of them all, and I hope one of these days he spontaneously combusts.

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming I'm coming motherfucker..." I growled under my breath as I walked into the room. I tossed the stack of letters on the table and immediately turned and went back to my closet. No need to stay out there longer than I had to. Not like I was getting breakfast from them anyways. I sat down on my cot thing and picked up the mysterious letter. Bouncing with excitement at my first, real, live letter, I ripped open the envelope and eagerly pulled out its contents. I scanned through the papers quickly, my eyes widening with each sentence. I probably looked like some weird alien fish shit by the end. So... Looks like my life goal just got fulfilled. There WERE other wizards out there. Enough to have and run a school too. I apparently has just been invited to said school as well. Fuck. Yes. I was gettin outta here bitches! Although, I didn't fully trust these Hogwarts people. Call me crazy but I'm a bit suspicious of people who know a child is living in a closet, and do nothing to stop it.

I glanced at the letter again and realized I had noooo effing clue as to where to get any of these supplies. I don't think I could just walk into a store and ask 'Yo bro, you got any magic shit?', and not get a stupid answer. I then had the brilliant idea to, you'll never believe it, send them a letter asking where to get this shit! Pure genius, am I right? I suppose you'll want to know what was in this letter, right? Right. Too bad if you don't.

Dear Mr. Dumbledore,

Hello Sir, it's me Klover Potter! I just received your letter about my acceptance into your school, and I'm very excited to be going! My aunt and my uncle really want to take me to get the supplies on the list you sent, so if you could please send me the address of the place we need to go, I'd be really thankful! Thank you for your time sir.

Sincerely,

Klover Potter

I've been told I come off as sweet when I write to people, and I really hope I did this time. I need him to think I'm an innocent (*snicker*) child. He doesn't need to know I'm a perverted little fucker until he actually meets me. He hasn't earned that right yet. I shoved the letter in an envelope and wrote Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore on the back. Really, I'd be surprised if there wasn't some sort of magical person at the post office. I went outside and mailed my awesome letter.

I opened the door and stepped inside and OH SHIT THERE'S A HAND SWINGING TOWARDS ME. Oh. Ow. That fucking hurt. Vernon was standing over me with a purpely pissed face, and I was on the ground obviously. The shithead and just slapped me right across the face. What a dick. "WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOING OUTSIDE WITHOUT PERMISSION GIRL?!?!"

Ew gross, spit was flying everywhere. My face was really hurting now and I cupped my cheek with my hand. There was a small pang in my chest as my depression rattled in its locked drawer , but I shook it off. Fuck feelings. I figured the quickest way to get out of this situation was to swallow my anger and pride and admit defeat. Good god I sicken myself. "I-I'm sorry U-Uncle, I just had t-to put a letter ba-back that had been ac-accidentally been delivered here..." I forced myself to stutter out.

He seemed to deflate a bit and, grunted with a stupid look, "Did any of the neighbors see you??"

I rolled my eyes internally. 'Yeah, and they worshipped the ground I walk on asshat.' With that lovely thought. I put a pathetic look on my face and shook my head. "N-No... Nobody s-saw me..."

Vernon grunted again and pointed towards the closet. "Closet. No meals for today."

Greeeeaaatt. I didn't eat yesterday either. If I fainted, it was his goddamn fault. I stood up wobbily and hunched over, giving the impression that I was just a weak little cinnamon roll. Even though I'm not. I'm just a cinnamon roll. I 'limped' into my closet and pulled the door shut behind me, flopping on my bed with a quiet groan. I couldn't wait for Hogwarts, because, man was I sick of being beaten around.

Even though I completely deserved it for being the piece of shit that I am.

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