Plot? What Plot?

*Insert Clever Title Here*

A/N: Review please.

*A Few Months Later*

I threw the ball I had stolen from Du-Retard into the air, bored out of my mind. It had been a couple of weeks since my last major freak out. I had finally managed to shove my depression right back in its tight locked dreads. It was quite obviously going to come back at some point and bite me in the nonexistent boob, but meh. I'll deal with that when it comes. Yes I realize this is an unhealthy and stupid plan. Yes I understand I should probably tell someone at school of my problems. Do I care? Fuck no. I roll as I please.

....and I may just be slightly terrified that my uncle will murder the fucking hell out of me once he finds out. And I have had the shocking discovery that, life in fact, is not a perfect fucking fairytale. There will be no teacher saving their helpless student, no way too young lover finding out about everything and saving me, and no there will be no long lost relative helping my skinny ass. This is real life. Not a story.

Anyways, I've settled back into my sort of a routine here in this house of assholes after my extended punishment. When I'm out of my cupboard I'm the quietest little perfect child who does things for the Dursleys while cursing them out in my head. Since my temper really isn't the greatest, sometimes I have to retreat to my cupboard and throw things at the walls till I feel better. Said cupboard has always been my little sanctuary where I can do as I please. In here I've planned various ways to murder the hell out of my shitty relatives. I have also discovered that I'm a real life Jedi in this amazing little closet.

On one of the day's the Dursleys had left me alone in the house (it happens quite often, thank Jesus), I decided to get on the computer like I normally do. After catching up on Homestuck and sobbing my eyes out (fuck you Hussie), I stumbled across something called Star Wars. Yes, I didn't know what Star Wars was until two weeks ago, so sue my fine ass. I have the best lawyer porn can buy. Myself. Ahem, I'm off topic again aren't I? So yeah, I discovered Star Wars, yada yada, and I, like any self-respecting person, just had to try and see if I had the force. Imagine my fucking flip out when the computer monitor started floating. Like, holy shit I nearly had a seizure. Then I realized I was indeed, a fucking wizard. And I then proceeded to try and do the windy thing. Needless to say, it worked, and I had one helluva mess to clean up. But on the bright side, I am now Klover, Heir of Badassery! Bow bitches.

Ahem. Since I now know I have magical supery powers, I've been practicing it. I really love the feeling of magic flowing through me even though I have no effing clue how to really control it yet. I've been wondering if there's other shitheads out there who can do cool magical fuckery like me, and I've decided that there HAS to be at least one other person out there. It would be so lonely being the only cool bitch in the world. It has become my life goal to find others like me. So help me lord, I will find someone to share this with. I hope they have tits. I really love me a great pair of amazing, large, round- ALRIGHT I'M GETTING OFF TOPIC HERE. Huh. That seems to happen a lot doesn't it? Sorry not sorry, I don't care what you think (this is a lie please love me babes ;-;).

Oh right, I was talking about magicy magicness wasn't I? Well so far, the only things I can really do at this point is basically telekinesis and the windy thing (kind of like airbending for all you uncultured swine out there), which is pretty shizzle if I say so myself. I practice them in the closet all the time by floating things to me, since I'm too lazy to get up and grab things myself. This is actually a pretty sweet early birthday present, which should be arriving soon actually. Huzzah! Not like I'll actually get anything from the Dursley's though. Not even a goddamn cake! Oh the humanity! Oh well. I suppose I can steal some cake ingredients and make my own. I LOVE baking so much, like, holy shit, I worship pastries as a second god (Boob Fairy being the first).