What It's Really Like. ( Zianourry AU.)

Chapter 3.

" Papa no!"  Zayn cried, he didn't want the ice bath. " This is what you get for stealing food, you little shit!" His father said as he pushed the thrashing little boy into the tub filled to the brim with ice. He held the boy's body down until only his head was visible. " Papa, please m' sorry. I won't do it again. I was h-hungry."  His stomach had been growling for hours before he risked getting some crackers as his dad was sleeping.

 Ever since his mother and older sister had died, his father started drinking and punishing Zayn for everything. If he lost at the craps table, Zayn would get hit. If he had a bad day at work, Zayn wouldn't get fed. And if Zayn even thought of doing something without asking, he would get shoved into a tub full of ice until it melted into a liquid again. 

" I don't care. You didn't ask, you know the rules. Its like you're just asking to be punished." Yaser stated as he pushed Zayn's under the icy water that had already melted. Watching with sick satisfaction as the large air bubbles rose to the surface before they started to stop. Then he pulled Zayn back up so he could get a large gulp of air before pushing him back down and doing the process over and over again. 

Zayn's little lungs were burning with need  for air. After the 10th time he was pushed the water his father let him up and left him there, walking into the kitchen and grabbing another beer and walking out of sight.

Crawling out of the tub and collapsing on the ground for dizziness, Zayn put his little hands together and closed his eyes and prayed. " Mummy, if you can hear me. Please make Papa stop. Please mummy make it go away, like you used to make the bad dreams go away. I just want Papa to be happy again. Please. Please, Please. Ple-"

Zayn woke with a start as someone was gently shaking him. He looked up and saw it was Niall. The cute little blonde was looking at him with wide, worried eyes. " Are you alright?"

Zayn never remembered what he dreamed about he just remembered the feeling of it all. The loneliness, the pain, the fear. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath trying to clear his mind of the numbness that always  follows the dreams. " M' fine. Did wake you?"  He looked around the room and noticed all the others were still asleep and it was just beginning to light outside. 

" Yeah. You were like twitching, I guess ye'd call it. Were ye having a bad dream?" Zayn really hoped he wouldn't ask what it was about. He didn't want to explain that he didn't remember them. He hasn't even told the boys about his childhood. He didn't want to start now.  But the blue eyes that were staring into his made him want to tell him because he felt like the blonde wouldn't judge him. He just wasn't ready for that yet. He didn't want to see those cerulean blues well up with tears. 

" Yeah, I, uh, I was." Zayn noticed he was still trembling. That meant it was one of the worse ones. One of the ones that he couldn't shake the feeling of for days.

"Here," Niall picked up Zayn's shaking hand in his and put it's open palm over his heart. " Focus on the beat of me heart, okay." Niall instructed as he rubbed his hand up and down Zayn's arm. Lightly tracing his ZAP! tattoo.

Zayn closed his eyes and did as Niall said and focused on the steady beat of his heart. He felt the cluster of feelings in his chest begin to dissipate. Letting him take a proper breath for the first time since he awoke.

He slowly opened his eyes as his body began to stop shaking and looked at Niall incredulously. 

"Where did you learn that?" The feelings are usually left with him for days, making him reclusive to the other lads, and a lot more irritable. Making it so he felt alone even when surrounded by the four people he loved most.