When I wake up... You will be here

Chapter 32

Emma gave me a smile, a smile full of pain.

"Are you hungry sweetheart?" My mother asked her, coming out of the kitchen.

"No, thanks."

Emma dropped her bag on the table, took her chemistry book and went upstairs while biting the pencil nervously. I sighed. I was slowly losing her. And all these mixed emotions were consuming me.

A couple of hours after Alina left. I looked at the stairs. I felt how my heart shrunk.

"I know you're jealous ... But you cannot blame her. You better talk to her." My mother said behind me and I turn to see her.

I kissed her cheek and went upstairs. I walked into the room, Emma was sitting in bed staring at the book, occasionally highlighted something or doing small annotations on edge of the pages. 

I sat next to her, but she didn't take her eyes off from the book. She changes the page and I rested my head on her shoulder. She left the pencil and closed the book. We were both stayed completely silent ... She would talk when she was ready, right? She would not leave, she would stay with me. She could not leave me alone. I needed her.

"Harry ...  I don't know if will can with this ... With all this." She said, emphasizing the word 'all' and shaking her hands. "My soul falls to my feet with the thought that she is pregnant of you... And I fell like a completely fool, because anyone would have screamed a lot of things to you and then leave." I made a face. "But I cannot do that and I only stay here watching how in less than seven months she will have your child. And I don't want to be here, but I can't go... I'm not that strong. And all day a question was in my mind. 'Does love die?'

I remain silent, not knowing how to answer that. I only hugged her. Does love die? I do not know. But if you it's dying is because I'm killing it with my mistakes...

Emma was sleeping peacefully beside me. I sighed heavily. I could not sleep. I stroke Emma's cheek. Thousands of questions running through my mind... Who was the boy that was with Emma? What were they doing together? Emma will go? Does love dies? What will happen when Alina have the baby? I will be a good father? Emma will hate me? She hates me now?

I got out of bed, I could not stay there, and I needed to walk. I quietly left the room. I pass my hands through my hair and went down the stairs. I walked around the room while thinking a million things. I could not concentrate and all thoughts in my mind I were confusing me. I felt dizzy and darkness was not helping me.

I accidentally crashed with the table and Emma's backpack fell to the floor. I picked it up and put it on the table again, but a not folded in half came out of it. I bit my lip not knowing whether or not to read it... But curiosity won. 

I think of you, you live in my mind

single, fixed, without respite, at all hours,

though perhaps my indifferent face

don’t let reflect on my forehead

the flame that silently devours me.

In my gloomy and stiff fantasy

Shine your gentle and pure image,

as the ray of light that the sun sends

through a gloomy vault

the broken marble of a tomb.

Silent, motionless, in deep stupor,

my heart overwhelms and disposes

and there in the center vibrates dying

when between the vain world crash

the melody of your name sounds.

Without struggle, no desire and no regret,

not shake me in blind frenzy,

without uttering a single, a slight accent,

I count the long hours of the night

And I think of you!*

It was written in a boy’s handwriting and said "with love, for Emma." It did not say who sent it ... Jealousy presented, but the sadness and uncertainty pushed it to the deep of my heart. Tears stung my eyes. I was losing Emma ... And very fast.

Mom said I had to let Emma thought ... That she had a right to go and make her life with someone else ... She was very right, but I did not want her to be with someone else. I looked at the moon, shining in its highest point.

“What can I do? I don’t want to lose her.” I whispered.

*Translated poem “Yo pienso en ti” by: José Batres Montufar. (1804-1844) (Thanks for reading. I love you sooooo much!! Keep commenting and voting. xoxoxo)