My Dirty Affair

Chapter Eighteen

Okay, not how my plan was supposed to go.

"You do?"

Either it was his turn to act dumb or he just wanted me to say it over again. I wasn't sure what I was saying myself. He was so close to my body that I couldn't wait any longer. I needed him. I wanted him. Now. I tried to reach for him, but he caught my hand. "No."

"Why?" His lips were inches from mine. I hadn't felt my heart race as hard as it did in that moment.

"You think you want this, but you're wrong." He said. "I'm not going to let this happen. If this were on different terms then I'd be happy to take a beautiful woman to bed, but I won't take another man's woman."

I stared at our joined hands between our chests, his were huge compared to mine, but his palm was rough and warm. "You're very noble, Jon."

He nodded in agreement. "You found out about the woman he was seeing."

"How do you know about that?"

"I saw him at your wedding."

Great, how many people knew about the affair before I did? I wiggled my hands from his and he let them go. "And you didn't think to tell me?"

"You were happy." He explained. "It wasn't my place to tell you."

I rolled my eyes and slipped away from him. Being close to him made thinking too hard at the moment. I needed some distance to think. "You know I'm in a bad place with my marriage and yet you're still not interested in fucking?"

Jon blanched, then he tipped his head to the ceiling and laughed. "First of all, I don't fuck—at least not with the women I care about. And to those women I make love to."

"That works with me too."

"Melinda, I'm not going to have sex with you."

"Why?"

"You're angry and sad, that clouds your judgment. When your mind is cleared, you'll realize what you almost did with me, you will feel guilt. The worst kind."

"Jon, this isn't what I—"

"I know. I've only known you for a short amount of time, really short, but I know what type of woman you are. You love your husband. Ellis hurt you bad. With time I think you'll forgive him and move forward with your future with him."

"But Luca said you talk about me a lot . . ."

"I wish things were different, but it's not. I am a good man and I know when a woman isn't mine, I will not pursue her. You're married and you should work this out as best as you could."

I nodded, unable to form words past the lump in my throat. My eyes watered with emotions that'd been building up inside me for more than a week. I was breaking on the inside and I hadn't had the chance to let it out. It was more than the sadness I felt when I found out that my husband had been seeing one of my old friends behind my back, it was the fact that Jon didn't take advantage of how I was completely giving myself to him in order to hurt my husband. I admired him so much in the moment that the dam broke and the tears fell.

"Oh, Melinda," he gathered me in his arms and didn't let go as my legs gave away and I hung on to him for dear life. He carried me to the couch and set me down. "Shh,"

"Everything was going well until I found out that he was having an affair. I love him so much and I don't know what to do." I choked out in a rush. This was the first time I spoke of it out loud to someone I who wasn't Emily. It felt right to put it out in the air finally.

"I have no experience with the trouble in paradise scenario, but I think you two should talk and if he's serious about reconciling then you two should rebuild your relationship."

"Jon, I-I'm sorry for—"

"Don't be. I understand. Luca didn't know and you know how he reacted when I told him about your husband."

I wiped away the rest of my tears with the back of my hand. "I should apologize for not telling him sooner."

He stretched his arms on the back of the couch looking comfortable in his jeans and t-shirt. The muscles in his arms stretched with his movements and I had to resist the urge to touch him. I pulled my thoughts away from what he might be like in bed. "You don't have to. He'll get over it."

"Where do we go from here?"

"Well, I am starving. Luca and I were going to grab a bite to eat, but you're here so why don't we go grab a burger and greasy fries."

"It won't be awkward for you?"

He scoffed. "It won't be awkward for you?"

I laughed. "No, it won't be."

"Then it won't be for me either. Come on."