Tick Tock (Destiel Soulmate AU)

September 5th, 7:20:16 PM

He finally did, turning his head around to barely glance at him. His usual green eyes were dark, almost scary black, and he didn't look at Cas like he usually did. Before, he used to look at Cas like he was the most precious thing in the world, with complete adoration. Now it was just plain...disgust.

He tried to channel his inner Taylor Swift and shake it off, but Cas really couldn't and the guilt had settled its way into his heart, squeezing it tight. The way that Dean was acting and looking at him made it worse.

"Dean, I love you," he started, almost pleading, "You know that."

The Winchester just shook his head, looking back at the joint. "Why?" he asked again, almost whispering. "Just...why?"

When Cas didn't answer, Dean continued. "I know you've been struggling and...I get it. But...weed? Really?"

"I was so scared, Dean. And so out of it and messed up and...I just needed something to calm me down and I wasn't thinking and went and just did it and I just...I just...I don't know, Dean. I just don't know."

His voice rose, getting louder now. "I was there. I've always been there for you. And Anna. Your parents. Hell, even Sam and Jess were there. Forget them, you could've even gone to Eric for help!"

Cas didn't say anything.

"And...and..." Dean searched for the words to say, his anger and voice slowly rising up like a pressure cooker. "You're studying to be a doctor. You know how...and now you're probably addicted and...I know for a fact that your grades are slipping and...and..." he trailed off, sighing and staring at the joint. "How could you, Cas?" he asked, barely a whisper.

He didn't know. How could he? This was all his fault. Everything was his fault. He closed his eyes and sat back properly on the couch, exhaling, his fingers already twitching for another goddamn joint.

God, I'm in trouble.

"I'm so sick of your bullshit." Dean growled.

Oh God. This was it. Dean was sick of him. This was going to happen someday, he knew it would, but now that it was happening and...Cas was going to lose him. He was going to lose him forever and then what was he going to do?

"I love you Dean," Cas started, "you know that. Right?" He leaned forward to try and put his hand on Dean's neck, but Dean leaned back when he felt the ghost of his hand nearby.

"Don't touch me." he whispered.

Oh.

Cas took a shaky breath, trying to convince himself that didn't hurt as much as it did. Oh, but it did. He would've rather Dean punched him in the face then say something like that, the blow powerful. His chest felt tight and Dean dropped his hand, still holding the joint, staring ahead at nothing in particular. Cas joined him.

A few minutes ticked by until Dean spoke again, this time turning around to fully look at him and holding the joint in between them, in level with their chins.

"Me," he croaked, "or this," he gestured to the joint. "Pick one, Castiel."

No. He wasn't really making him do this. This wasn't happening.

This can't happening.

"Dean, please. Don't."

His expression hard, he repeated the statement. His voice was lower now, darker, louder. "Me. Or the joint."

"Dean," Cas begged, almost letting out a pathetic sob, "Please."

He knew he was already addicted. That wasn't just going to go away. He knew that. He had to.