Heart and Desire (boyxboy)

Chapter Nine

Before I could register what was happening, Oli crushed his lips onto mine passionately, grabbing my hair in his grazed hand while his other hand caressed my chest. Euphoria exploded inside of me and I demanded entrance into his mouth, needing to be as close to him as possible. The taste of his lips was like Ecstasy. An addicting drug I could never get enough of.

I'd been waiting for this moment since the day I first met Oliver Keaton. I'd dreamed for years about long walks on the beach, picnics in the warm sunshine, romantic dates in classy restaurants. Holding his hand in public, talking for hours about our future, kissing him as deeply as I desired without the fear of being caught. I'd fantasized about the electricity of his fingertips on my bare skin: tingling sensations coursing through my body; Oli's sweaty body pressed against mine between the sheets; heavy breathing in a dim room.

Oli's hands explored my body, my own fingers entwining themselves in his thick hair. We forgot we were in a public place, too caught up in the moment to remember that anybody who happened to be walking across the field could see us making out. The kiss left me breathless. Even when Oli pulled away, his smile never faltered. Never before had I been as happy as I felt right now, in this moment with Oli. Nothing could bring me down; I was too high on his kiss. Nothing could take this boy away from me.

Shit.

Except maybe his boyfriend.

I gently pressed my lips to Oli's once more, relishing in the moment because I knew it couldn't last forever. I searched Oli's eyes, watching the guilt consume them. My heart thundered in my chest, deafening me. I couldn't believe we'd just done that. Anybody could have seen us. I scrambled to my feet, fighting to catch my breath, and ran. I ran as far away from Oli as I could. Why had he done that? Why had he kissed me? I'd never told him I was gay! Then again, I did try to kiss him a few weeks ago. That might have been a giveaway.

Although I was happy to see the spark in Oli's eyes again, I couldn't help but fear for him. He'd never acted like this before. So reckless and impulsive. I know he's hurting, but we aren't certain Ash is really cheating on him yet. I had just suggested it as a possibility, and he'd decided to cheat too. There must be a reason for this strange behaviour. I'd known Oli for many years and he wasn't the kind of guy who'd hurt someone on purpose. Not unless he had a good reason...

***

Oli's POV:

I watched Leo go, my heart and mind crumbling like sand through my shaking fingers. I got up from the cold floor, sat back on my swing and pushed myself gently, head resting on the metal chain again. My mind wandered to the kiss. The hollow kiss that bounced around my hollow heart. I felt alone. Empty. I longed to feel whole again but the void inside me couldn't be filled by Emilio. A part of me had known all along. I belonged with Ash. But one truth refused to be ignored; I'd cheated. I'd kissed Leo.

Oh my God, I'd kissed Leo. It had felt so wrong. But also really, really right. I couldn't kiss Leo, I had a boyfriend! A lying-ass scummy boyfriend, but a boyfriend nonetheless. Was he really cheating on me? Possibly. Did it matter? Probably not. He would. If he wasn't already, he would. I can't let him do that. I can't let him hurt me. Not again. I knew the kiss with Leo meant nothing: I don't like him in that way. Or maybe I do. No, I definitely don't. I'd felt no spark, no fireworks, nothing that I feel when Ash kisses me. I miss Ash.

I shouldn't have kissed Emilio. It was cruel and unfair on both him and Ash. But I could always tell Ash that Emilio had forced himself on me. Ash would believe me. Ash loves me. Actually, I don't care if I hurt him. No, I really do care. This would really hurt Ash. Then again, he hurt me worse. Only, he had the excuse of a homophobic father. What was my excuse? Oh, that's right, my real fucking father! The asshole who'd abandoned me before I was born. The asshole who now, after all these years, wanted to see me! He had a lot of nerve...