Heart and Desire (boyxboy)

Chapter Seven

Oli's POV:

"Mum, we need to tell you something." I said, causing my mum to turn around to face us from across the kitchen. Her eyes locked onto the interlocked fingers of Ash and I, to which I exploded into a fit of giggles. I composed myself before confessing to her. I knew she'd accept me as she always had, like the first time I told her Ash and I were dating. I reached onto the tips of my toes and kissed Ash on the cheek. He giggled; it was a sweet, innocent sound that made him sound ten years younger. I returned my eyes to my mum, seeing she was clutching tight to the kitchen counter.

"Ash and I are in love." I almost squealed, watching her for a reaction

I wrapped my arms round Ash's waist, proving my words to my mother. A light smile spread across her lips, almost amused. I beamed alongside Ashton, opening my mouth to thank her for not being angry - even though, really, she didn't know the true story of our previous break-up so had no reason to be angry - when she chuckled to herself. The sound was patronizing. Was she laughing at us?

"Not this again." She sighed, shaking her head, walking around the island to stand in front of us, "Sorry, Ashton, I need to speak to my son. Privately. Please can you leave us." It wasn't a question. Her voice was stern. Her eyes were hard and emotionless. I'd never seen her like this before. I stood next to Ashton, bewildered, squeezing tighter to him. My mum grabbed my top and pulled me away from Ash who came to his senses and walked backwards slowly out of the kitchen and into the living room. I watched him go. I was too dumbfounded to think of anything reassuring to tell Ash, so I, instead, shot him a helpless, confused look.

My mum shut the kitchen door behind him with more force than was necessary. She looked me up and down, weighing something up in her head. She breathed in a long, steady breath before speaking, her voice filled with rage and malice.

"Oli, I have always been supportive of you, but this needs to stop. Now. I've tried my best to get you through this phase but, Darling, you're not gay. The way you feel towards Ashton is platonic, nothing more. I mean, how could you be gay?" She spat out the word like poison, laughing like it was the craziest idea she'd ever hurt, her eyes clasping tightly to my shaking soul. I couldn't quite grasp what she was saying.

She continued to drill into my heart, leaving blood-filled holes in her wake, "I've researched the illness, and the internet says you should have come out of this phase by now. I've tried helping you through it but this is getting out of hand. What would the Church think? If my son was a faggot?"

I recoiled at the word like she had slapped me. I slowly absorbed what she was saying, locking my hardened eyes with hers. Anger, confusion and betrayal battled for dominance in my mind as I fumbled for a comeback.

I had always thought my mum was accepting of my sexuality; she had never acted otherwise before. Was this how she really felt? Was she ashamed to have me as a son, because I was gay?

"Are you ashamed of me?" I whispered. Clearly confusion had won. I was dreading whatever answer I got. I still couldn't believe it. My own mother - the one who'd been there for me when I came out to my friends back in Australia, who'd been there for me when my dad had killed himself, who'd supported me when Ashton had left me stranded and broken two years ago - was just now telling me that I wasn't allowed to be gay? Was this really happening? My mum remained silent.

When she didn't answer, anger flared up inside me, "Mother, I'm gay! You know this, I've told you so many times before, and you've never acted like this. Why do you think it's a sin be gay? It's not! You-you don't even go to church. You go once every two months before work, for the free coffee!" I was shouting by this point, not caring if Ashton could hear the argument. I struggled for something intelligent to say, but this argument was so ludicrous that I couldn't rationalize with her.