Heart and Desire (boyxboy)

Chapter Eight

Oli's POV:

I was a wreck by the time Ash and I reached Emilio's house. My heart was pounding, my head was spinning, my mind was splintering into sharp metallic shards. I rocked my head in my hands, leaning against Ash's chest. In his arms I felt safe, which was a feeling I wasn't prepared to let go of. I'd lost everything in a millisecond, I couldn't lose Ash as well. I exhaled, my breath hollow and shaky. I felt weak.

When Emilio picked up his phone, he was angry that Ash was the one ringing. I could hear him shouting something to Ash down the phone but I couldn't make out what he was saying. Ash waited for Emilio to calm down then explained what had happened. Leo was desperate to help me, just as I'd hoped. He had warned his mum we were coming and told us he'd leave the door unlocked. At least he didn't hate me. Ash had insisted on carrying me to Leo's, he thought walking would make me feel worse. He said I was sick.

Maybe I am. Maybe my mum is right. Maybe I'm mentally ill.

Ash put me down in front of Emilio's front door and helped me steady myself. I felt lucid; I could see and hear everything that was happening but I felt numb and unaffected by it. I barely heard the sound of Ash's knuckles rapping on the door, I barely felt it when he squeezed my hand, I barely heard him when he told me everything would be okay. How could it ever be okay?

My mum isn't my mum. The woman who had raised me, protected me, stood up for me, wasn't my mum. Did she ever love me? Did she ever want me or was I just an inconvenience? - a tag along in a life that wasn't mine. All those nights when she'd tuck me into bed, kiss me on the cheek, tell me she loved me. She'd chased away my nightmares, squashed my fears, made me eat my vegetables before I was allowed dessert. All those normal motherly things. How had I been so blind? I hadn't noticed my dad was unhappy, I hadn't noticed Ash wanted to break up with me two years ago, I hadn't noticed Emilio wanted to kiss me so bad. And I hadn't noticed my mum wasn't really my mum. I felt so stupid and oblivious.

The front door flew open and Emilio pulled me into his arms. His warmth radiated off him in waves and pushed through the walls that surrounded me. His fingers brought feeling back to the parts of me they touched. I whimpered into his shoulder and he hugged me tighter, lifting me off my feet so he could move us inside. Leo motioned for Ash to come inside, but Ash shook his head.

"Sorry, I can't stay. I'm sleeping at Garrett's tonight, I thought you'd prefer that." Ash spoke to Emilio, refusing to meet my fearful eyes. I stared at him, dumbfounded, for what felt like years before Ash cleared his throat, ran a hand through his hair and turned to go.

"Wait," My voice was croaky and raw. It hurt to speak. Ash looked at me. I mean, really looked at me. His eyes seemed sad but they searched mine like it was the last time he'd ever see my face. A tear slipped down his cheek. "Are you coming back tomorrow?"

My eyes begged him to come back. Why did it feel like he was leaving me forever?

"Of course I'm coming back tomorrow," Even his smile seemed sad, "Where else would I be?"

"When can I meet Garrett?" Ash had been seeing Garrett quite a lot recently and I still didn't know who he was. Ash had never really spoken about him, and had been evasive whenever I'd asked questions. Should I be worried? No, of course I shouldn't. I know I'm oblivious to things like this but I trust Ash and I know he'd never cheat on me. He wasn't like that. He wouldn't hurt me like that.

"Soon." Ash answered, then walked down the driveway and rounded the corner. I helplessly watched him go.

I rested my weight back onto Emilio, words coming out of my mouth although I wasn't sure what I was rambling about. Emilio laughed quietly at my nonsense and pushed the door shut, locking it from the inside.

"I''m so sorry, Oli." It was the first time Leo had spoke since I'd arrived, and his tone told me he was upset and fearful for me. But also embarrassed and ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry for what happened with your mum, and I'm sorry that I kissed you. You mean so much to me."

I forced a weak smile, "I forgive you."

He breathed a sigh of relief, pulling me in for another hug. He held me at arms length and inspected me. He looked me up and down for a while, searching for any sign of injury or illness. He cocked his head to the side like a curious puppy, then snapped his fingers when an idea came to him.

"You need to eat." He announced.

I couldn't help but smile. I shook my head, "All I need right now is sleep."

"Okay."

He turned to walk upstairs then paused, turned back around and hugged me again. It felt nice to be in his arms. Emilio had been my best friend for over two years and had always been there for me. Kara had told Emilio she'd never speak to me again, but I wasn't sure if she meant it. It wasn't a rare occurrence for the feisty girl to blow her top and refuse to talk to me for some time. Although the shunning usually lasted for a few days, not a few weeks... This was the longest she'd ever ignored me for. I hoped she'd forgive me soon. I needed her now more than ever. Kara was always the mature, voice-of-reason among the three of us. I missed her wisdom and bitter sarcasm.

"This isn't your fault." Emilio assured me, refusing to let me go until I agreed. I sighed and begrudgingly agreed with him, although I didn't believe it.

All of this was entirely my fault.

--------------

A/N - Sorry this chapter is short and not very interesting, it was more of a filler chapter to move the story along. I've tried to slow the plot down a bit because it seems to be going really quick and rushed. I tried XD

Don't forget to vote and comment if you're enjoying this story so far!