How It's Going To Be [h.s.]

Chapter 60

{Harry's Point of View}

 "Good evening, Montreal!"

"Make some noise, Ottawa!"

"Toronto! How are you doing tonight?"

"Get loud, Winnipeg!"

"New York City!"

Boston, Buffalo, Columbus, Baltimore, Washington DC, Charlotte, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Detroit. We were in a new city with new screaming fans every night. There was an undeniable vibrating, electric energy that infiltrated every moment of every day, but I couldn't enjoy a second of it. Performing had always been freeing for me, but now it was enslaving.

"Philadelphia, get loud!" I screamed to the sea of fans before us. At my word, every voice opened up and let out a resounding scream that shook the earth. I could feel the stage vibrating beneath my feet. My hair stood on end. I looked up, half expecting the sky to crack. The energy was fiery, but it couldn't penetrate my heart. My heart had hardened nearly a month ago when I threw away everything I ever loved. So I stood on stage barely feeling anything at all.

Our songs had become torturous. The set list haunted me. Every lyric felt like a knife twisting in me.

Love is never, ever simple. I don't exist if I don't have her. It's too late to go home. All the rest of my crimes don't come close to the look on your face when I let you go. Baby, look what you've done to me. Without you I'll never make it out alive. When I'm not with you I'm weaker. Someone like you, always be my baby. I'm in love with you, and all these little things. Everything that you've ever dreamed of disappearing when you wake up. I'm going crazy, can't contain it. I wanna reach out for you, I wanna break these walls. Something's gotta give now—'cause I'm dying just to make you see that I need you here with me now. I wish I could take you to the start—I'd never let you fall and break your heart. I spend her love until she's broke inside. Did they hold each other tight like us—did they ever fight like us? 

____________

The bus bucked and hummed through traffic as we left the venue irritatingly slowly. My hand drummed on my thigh anxiously. Every day since the breakup had given me a nervous buzz. I was always on edge as if at any moment Kate would call me or appear out of nowhere, and I would have a chance to apologize. It had been one long month of silence and it was beginning to wear on me.

"Bit wound up, mate?" Louis shut the sliding door, trapping us in the very back of the bus.

I shifted on the sofa, "No."

"It's been weeks, Haz. You're still so caught up."

"I'm not."

"You are!" Louis sat across from me exasperatedly. "You haven't been yourself at all. Everyone has noticed."

"I don't mind."

"Yeah, well no one is crazy about this new you." I blinked up at Louis in disbelief. He continued, "We're worried about you. I heard Henry asking Julia if she thought we could fit a break in the schedule. They want you to get well."

"I am well."

"You're not!" Louis yelled. "You're brooding about like a child!"

"That's because everything fell apart!" I screamed back at him.

"It did not," he said with eerie calmness. "Nothing was falling apart. Nothing fell apart."

"What do you know?"