My Man (Complete)

Four

And so Ronnie hung around everyday for a couple months. He's so sweet, but his continued escalating drug use worried me. That didn't stop me from doing the same. What can I say? Vegas is a hell of a place. Sometimes life is easier when high.

It must be noon when knocks on my door wake me up. Ronnie is passed the hell out. My hair is a mess, I have my makeup on from work last night, and I'm only wearing one of Ronnie's shirts. Yet I have to answer the door because whoever it is won't leave me alone.

My brother, looking annoyed, is waiting impatiently when I unlock the door.

"Shit." I mumble. "It's too early."

He walks in and looks around.

"This place is trashed." He looks at me. "And so do you."

"Piss off, Jeremy." I rolled my eyes.

"What are you on? Jesus, are you trying to be like mom and dad now?"

"Shut up. Just because you accepted sobriety a tear ago gives you no reason to judge me."

Ronnie walks out of my room.

"And now you are dating thus loser?" Jeremy laughs. "Wow. You are going to end up just like mom."

I glared at him. Ronnie just laughed.

"We aren't dating, so shut up." I crossed my arms. It's true. We haven't discussed labels in all this time, and besides, we haven't been on an official date ever.

"Quit that stupid job of yours. All my buddies see you there. It's embarrassing and makes you look cheap."

"You are just mad that they like me more than you."

"Go snort some more pills and get blackout drunk. I don't care anymore. Call me when you can act mature." He said, grabbing a Baggie of pills from my counter and emptying it. Pills shattered everywhere and he left.

Ronnie just stared at me as I paced. I'm more than pissed. Eventually, I pick up ever pill. He just watches as I crush up a pill and snort it. Then he walks over and sets up his own line.

"You should go." I tell Ronnie, placing a couple pills in his hand.

"You sure?" He looks concerned, but high.

It hit me hard. The drugs. Ronnie didn't give me half the high they gave me anymore. The sight of him made me mad. It showed how far I had gone off the path.

"Yeah." I snapped. "Get out."

"You are fucking crazy, you know?" He glared.

"Shut the hell up. I don't want to hear it anymore."

He gave me a look. Being high heightens emotions. Anger turns into pure hatred quickly. So he slammed the door and I was left to myself.

The apartment is trashed, so I try cleaning. It seems too mundane for me, so I gulp down a bottle of whiskey within an hour. It's midday and j have work in a couple hours, but I call in and say I'm not going before I lock the apartment and lay in bed. I get depressed.

When I was a young teen, I struggled with self harm. In my weak moment, I cut again. The blood made me feel more in control. So I slept all night. I turned off my phone, stayed high while awake, and ignored the knocking on my door.

It was the next day when I finally got my shit together. The first person to knock on the door wasn't Ronnie, it was Max. He's a pretty good friend of mine. We met after him and Ronnie started hanging out.

"Hey." He walks in. "You look beautiful as always."

I laughed at that I knew I looked like a mess.

"Sweet of you to say." I say on the couch. "Why are you here?"

"Look. Ronnie is one of my best friends, but so are you. I wanted to let you know that he went home with a chick last night."

It stung. It hurt.

I took a deep breath. "We aren't serious." It's true.

"That's bullshit."

"Look. I have work soon."

He sighed again. Frustrated now, but he nodded then left without another word.

It was true that I had work, but I wasn't going in. Instead, I took off to my friend's, Zed, house. He's a stoner and we always have jam sessions when we hang out. He picked me up and drove me there too.

He's always let me in and then we just went straight to smoking pot and making music. It was fun and I actually am having a good time. The pot wasn't as intense as pills, but made me feel better.

Ronnie was looking for me. I could tell because I was getting texts and calls from all my friends. Eventually, he found me.

I was blissfully happy, and ignored last night when he took someone else home. We joined the jam session.

"We should start a band." Zed said to me later.

"Sure." I smiled. "I need to go home."

"I'll drive you." Ronnie offered.

"Okay."

We listened to his music. He sang to me. It was cute.

We got to the apartment and I snapped out of it.

"Look, I can't do this anymore." I said when he cut the engine.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

" I can't be just another girl to you."

"You aren't."

"Then why can I not believe you?"

"Dunno. Maybe you are crazy." He joked.

I smiled.

"Be mine already? Jesus. I've know you how long and still haven't made you mine?"

"Maybe you are the crazy one." I teased.

"Must be. Let's be crazy together now."

"Okay." I agreed.

I shouldn't have. I knew that falling for Ronnie would ruin me. I knew it. I think if I got out then, then I wouldn't have fallen so hard. Something in me knew that Ronnie was the love of my life. I just didn't know what hell I'd have to go through to finally end up with him. 

Maybe I am crazy, but it was so simple then. So simple.