On the Devil's Path {a SOA sequel}

Chapter nineteen

I nod and take a cigarette out of the pack.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked me.

I waited a few seconds before I answered her.

"I want it to always be like this." I tell her.

She follows my gaze to McKayla and Abel and then looks at me seriously. I kept talking.

"I love her, Ma. And for whatever reason she loves me too. Hell, she was almost killed twice because of me but she's still here. She loves Abel and treats him like her own kid. I don't want anything else but this."

Gemma studied me for a while. She glanced over my shoulder and swore under her breath.

"Well, you better remember that." She said.

I raised my eyebrow and turned around. Tara Knowles was headed right for us. Her long dark hair was resting around her shoulders and her eyes were set on me.

"Shit." I said under my breath.

Gemma glared at her and got ready to stand. I put my hand on her knee. I swear I could practically hear her growling.

"This is a private party Doc. I suggest you leave, now." Gemma said harshly.

Tara glared right back at her. They have never gotten along. Even when Tara and I were in high school, Gemma was threatened by Tara. She was always afraid that she was going to take me away from her. I glanced behind Tara and noticed that McKayla and Abel were gone. I let out a small sigh of relief. Tara turned away from my mother and faced me.

"I need to talk to you." She said. She was trying to be cold and unattached, but I could tell something was up.

Gemma stood up.

"What part of 'leave now' don't you get?" Gemma spat at her.

Tara ignored her and looked at me expectantly.

"Jax, please?" She asked. This time, I heard her voice crack.

"Are you looking to get your ass kicked?" Gemma said almost shouting.

Tara finally turned to Gemma and crossed her arms.

"This is none of your business." She said firmly.

Gemma squared her shoulders and put her hands on her hips.

"It's my son honey, everything is my business." She said.

I rolled my eyes and turned to Gemma.

"I got this." I tell her.

I take Tara by the arm and lead her into the clubhouse. We walk to the bar and I winced as I sat on a stool. Tara noticed and turned into a doctor.

"Are you still in pain?" She asked.

I shrugged and leaned back on the bar.

"I'm fine. What's going on?" I ask her.

If I have learned anything in the 10 plus years I've known Tara Knowles, it's how to tell when she's nervous. She starts to fidget and pace and avoids eye contact with me at all costs. This was a level 10. She was standing perfectly still. Her hands were knotted together and her eyes were glued to the grungy floor.

"Tara," I say softly. At the sound of her name her head turns towards me.

"What's wrong? Are you in some kinda trouble?" I ask her.

Finally, she looks up at me. Tears are welling up in her eyes and she bites her lip.

"Jax, I have something really important to tell you." She said.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked.

She was trembling now. I could tell she was thinking of how to tell me, whatever it was she needed to tell me. I was beginning to lose my patience. Instead of being with my son at his birthday party I was sitting in my club house staring at my ex- girlfriend.

"Just tell me Tara." I say a little harsher than I meant to.

"I'm pregnant." She said just above a whisper.

Everything stopped. I swear even my heart did because I had to gasp to catch my breath.

"W-what?" I manage to spit out.

The tears finally fell from her eyes and she stood in front of me.

"I just found out, but you don't have to worry about anything. I'm taking care of it." She said quickly.

I shook my head and ran my hand through my hair. Pregnant? I was so drunk the night we slept together I must have forgotten to put a condom on. How could I have been so stupid?

"I needed you to know, Jax. I couldn't do it without you knowing about it first." She went on.

Couldn't do what? I looked up at her and caught her hand that was hanging by her side.

"Tara what are you talking about?" I ask her. This time it was my voice that was cracking.

She couldn't look at me. Instead she looked down at my hand holding hers.

"I-I have an appointment at a clinic in Lodi tomorrow..." She doesn't finish and she doesn't have to.

I let out a huge breath, like I've been kicked in the gut and I know what she's doing.

"Jesus Tara. What are you doing?" I say.

She snatches her hand away from mine and turns her back.

"Jax, I'm having an abortion. I can't raise a baby on my own and you're finally happy with someone else. I can't take that away from you."

My mind was racing. The only thing Tara has ever wanted was a family. That was one of the reasons she left Charming. She wanted me out of the club and she wanted to get married and settle down. Now she's actually pregnant and she's ready to just get rid of it just like that? I couldn't let her do that.

"It'll be like it never happened. We don't ever have to talk about it again. I just couldn't go through with it until I told you."

I closed my eyes. McKayla's face flashed through my mind. This was going to kill her. I stood up and walked in front of Tara. I took her hands again.

"Tara, I can't let you do this." I said just above a whisper. I couldn't say it any louder because of the fist that was in my throat.

She shook her head and more tears spilled from her eyes.

"Jax," I shook my head.

"Tara, this is all you've ever wanted. I can't take that away from you."

Tara doesn't say anything for a while. She looks down and then slowly up at me.

"What about McKayla?" She says finally.

I try and swallow the fist in my throat down.

"I'll figure it out. Promise me you'll cancel the appointment?" I ask her.

She looks at me, her eyes full of questions, but she just nods. I pull her close and put my arms around her. A familiar warmth fills me up and I force myself to let her go.

"You should get out of here, I'll call you tomorrow." I say.

She nods and wipes her eyes.

"Go out the back door so Gemma doesn't see you." I add.

She nods again and just stares at me for a while.

"Jax, I- thank you." She said.

I don't say anything. I don't even nod. I just watch her walk out the back door of the club house. How the hell am I supposed to tell McKayla, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with that the woman I cheated on her with is pregnant and I'm making her keep it?

"Jesus Christ."

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