Temporary Secretary

Thirty-Four

One Week Later...

I had been avoiding the elephant in the room ever since we brought Winston home. I could tell Paul wanted to talk to me about whatever had been bothering him, but was waiting for me to bring it up. In other news, Stella and James absolutely adored little Winston, wanting to hold him and help take care of him anytime they could. Also, ever since "Uncle Ringo" babysat, the kids have wanted to spend time with Ringo...all the time. It has been nice, allowing for a little bit of peace and quiet here and there. I was now breastfeeding Winston in Paul and I's room while Stella and James were out spending time with Ringo, Paul being at home doing what he needed to be doing, I suppose.

"Amethyst, can we talk?" Paul asked as he was leaning against the door frame, nervously scratching his nose.

"Of course, darling."

Paul sat on the bed beside me, looking at Winston and I adoringly.

"You know, something has been bothering me..."

"I know, I've just been waiting for you to want to talk about whatever it is."

"Well, you weren't around when it happened and it's just been weighing heavy on my mind lately..."

I could see Paul beginning to tear up, making be begin to realize what he must be talking about.

"Paul, are you talking about John?"

"Could you tell?"

"I had a guess when you first saw Winston. You had so much love in your eyes, but I could see the sadness written on your face."

"I'm sorry, love."

"There's no need to be sorry, Paul. He was your best friend, more than that even, he was your soulmate, in a non-romantic way, you know?"

"I know, darling. I just miss him so much and I don't know what to do. I've hit that spot again where nothing I write or play seems good enough, like I'm missing this one certain piece."

"You've hit it again?"

"I went through it after The Beatles broke up. I wouldn't get out of bed or do anything and I couldn't see myself doing anything without John...Linda helped me through it that time, but I don't know what to do this time..."

He said that last part quietly. I knew he was unsure if he wanted to or should have said that in front of me.

Winston was now finished eating and was dozing off, so I got up and placed in him his crib that was set up in our room. Going back to sit on the bed, I took Paul's hand in mine and began drawing lazy circles with my thumb.

"Paul, I know I'm much younger than you, younger than Linda was when she helped you through this. However, I know that I can help you...you know, if you want me to."

"I do want you to, darling. I just-I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't have closure, I don't understand why it happened."

"Everything happens for a reason, but some things will never make sense. I have an idea, but we might have to wait a while for it..."

"What do you mean, love?"

"Do you think a trip to New York would help?"

"I-I don't know. What do you think?"

"I-I think it would help...Maybe, you could...never mind."

"Love, what is it?" Paul asked, looking me in the eyes sadly.

I remained silent, not knowing how to bring up a possible visit to Yoko Ono. I know Paul wasn't too fond of her, but I think if they could just talk, it would help. They were the two people closest to John, it had to have some effect.

"I think you need to talk to Yoko." I said blatantly.

"I-I did the day John was killed."

"No, no. I think you need to sit down and talk with her. You and her were closest to John and...Well, I think she could help."

Paul seemed to be thinking, those familiar lines forming on his forehead.

"I trust you." Paul said.

"You do?"

"I do, and I'm going to take your advice. You're the love of my life and I trust you with everything I have. I'll do what you think is best, and if it isn't, that's okay, because I know you can help me get through it."

"Do you think you should go alone?" I asked timidly.

"I don't want to, but I know we have Winston. What if we invite her and Sean to London to stay with us for a week or two?"

"Do you think she would accept?"

"I don't know, but it's worth a shot. I don't want to leave you."

I closed my eyes for a minute, the exhaustion of being a new mother taking over, and began dozing off on Paul's shoulder without realizing it.

"Amethyst? Love?" Paul said, poking my cheek like a child.

"Mhm..."

"Come on, let's get you under the covers." Paul said as he pulled me into his arms and beneath the covers of our bed.

Luckily, I hadn't changed out of my pajamas that day, and neither had Paul. With Winston sleeping soundly, Paul and I joined him, trying to scrape up the tiniest bit of rest before Stella and James would be home this afternoon.