Tears of Angel by BlackLily

Chapter 6

6. I've waited for you...


Eversince the day he declared that he will court me, my life was never been the same. I am no longer the Angela Felize Bustamante who stays in the classroom or in the library alone during breaktime.  I am no longer the invisible girl that no one pays attention everytime I passed by the student center or in any part of the campus.  I am no longer the student who goes home straight at home after every class. My solitude was gone.

I didn’t change my appearance or kahit ano sa akin. I didn’t even change my routine except for staying an extra 30 minutes everyday after my class. But now, everyone seems to know me. Everywhere I go, people will glance at me. Others would even whisper with their friends when I pass by. During breaktime, either at the library or the classroom, Johann is always there with me. Hindi naman niya ako iniistorbo when I’m studying. He is just there sitting beside me. Sometimes, reading his books or studying his notes. There are even times na hindi talaga kami nag uusap pero magkatabi lang kami. Mag uusap lang kami kung magyayaan na sa pag uwi or pupunta na sa next class or kakain sa cafeteria or sa labas ng school.

Everyone know me not as Angela, the top 1 2nd year Accountancy student, but as the girl Johann Phoebus Zamora is courting. Or others would simply refer as Johanns’ girl. And I don’t have any complaints at all. Yun naman ang totoo di ba? He is courting me and the Johanns’ Girl part seems like a warning to all the guys to back off me. I don’t really understand kung bakit ganun but I just heard some of the guys talking na wag na daw ako, kasi kay Johann daw ako.  I am not even affected because I don’t really care what they’re thinking.

During saturdays, yayain niya akong gumala pero pag madami akong pag aaralan he would stay the whole day at our house.   Occasionally, I would receive flowers, stufftoys, chocolates or anything from him just for the heck of it. Wala man lang occasion, he does it randomly. Sweet ba siya? Yes, he is, but never predictable. Unti unti ko na siyang nakikilala. Katulad ng malakas siyang kumain pero pag kumain siya may grace. He is neat and organize. The DVDs in his car are arranged alphabetically based on artists name or film title. Mabango siya but he is not vain. He reads newspapers everyday. He is not boastful of what he has. He apologized nung isang Saturday na sinundo niya ako using a black Lambhorgini kasi nasa talyer daw ang palaging niyang gamit na kotse na Toyota Altis at ayaw daw ipahiram sa kanya ng kapatid niya ang 1986 Nissan Trueno nito.  He takes delights in little things such as going to the arcade and playing Indiana Jones the whole day na hindi naman kami nananalo. We even played Bingo and won 15,000 pesos. The next Monday, he opened our joint bank account and invest the 10K in a mutual fund. Masinop siya. Kapag nagjejeep kami at 15 pesos ang binayad niya, at kinalimutan ng driver ang sukli naming piso, sisingilin niya talaga ito. Pero sa lahat ng ugali niya, isa ang pinakagusto ko. He never took advantage.   Yung iba kasi nanliligaw pa lang, nang aakbay na or nanghahawak na ng kamay or nanghahalik na. Sa tatlong buwan na panliligaw ni Johann sa akin, he never does that except for circumstances na kailangan niya akong alalayan kaya kailangan niya akong hawakan sa kamay, sa siko to guide me or even behind my back. At sa tatlong buwan niyang panliligaw sa akin, he never ask or demanded kung ano ba ang stand niya sa akin. Ni hindi man lang siya nag alala kung baka habang buhay na siyang manliligaw sa akin. On his second month na panliligaw sa akin I asked him.


Hindi ka ba nagsasawa or napapagod kahahatid at kasasama sa akin? Or hindi ka ba naiinip kaliligaw sa akin? What made me ask him that question? PMS. Yes, when I have my period, I am usually in a sour mood and at that time, siya ang napagbuntunan ko. I wanted to know how far he would go kapag nakita niyang hindi naman talaga ako mabait at kung ano ang gagawin niya kung tatarayan ko siya. And frankly, I don’t want to see him that day. I don’t know why.

Bakit naman ako maiinip? Patience is a virtue. Bakit ako mapapagod, eh ginusto ko to. Sumimangot ako. I closed my book loudly. And I scratched my head irritably. I stood up and looked down at him. Nasa classroom kasi kami at dalawa lang kaming andito.

Paano kong sabihin ko sayo na basted ka na? In the first place, you didn’t even ask me if pwede kang manligaw sa akin. Ni hindi mo tinanong kung may pag asa ka ba or what. You just declared that you are going to court me and you did that exactly without even asking kung may patutunguhan ba yang ginagawa mo. And now dalawang buwan ka nang nanliligaw at nagsasayang ng oras sa akin. He just smiled at me after my outburst. Ni hindi naapektuhan.

I won’t ask you kung may pag asa ako sayo or wala. And I won’t even ask permission to court you because I have decided to court you with or without your consent. He said calmly. I won’t even ask you if ano na ba ang status ng panliligaw ko sayo because that would only put pressure  on you and that would be a sign of impatience. But even if I won’t ask you kung mahal mo na ba ako, malalaman at malalaman ko din yun. Tumayo na siya sa inuupuan niya and gathered my things.

Malalaman mo? Paano? Is he spying on me?

Yes. Kasi mararamdaman ko yun.  And he smiled at me. Tara mag ice cream tayo. Para lumamig ang ulo mo. My sister have a galloon of ice cream for herself alone when she’s having PMS. I gaped at him. How did he know?

Paanong…


You acted the same last month at this period. You threw a ballpen and scratched your head in exasperation. My sister Joanne is worse, she is screaming “I hate you all and I hate this life” every five minutes that can be heard all over the neighborhood.  You are quite tame compared to her. He smiled affectionately. He must loved his sister very much. There is this tenderness in his voice whenever he mentions her name.

And true to his word, he never did ask me kung may pag asa ba siya sa akin. He just keeps on courting me. Attending the morning mass with me including Sunday masses, sending me flowers and gifts, sasamahan ako, magdedate kami, ihahatid ako at kung ano ano pa. That goes on for 3 months. Naiinip na ang pamilya ko but not Johann. Nagtatanong na ang mga friends ko na sina Ella, Yanyan and Rachelle (yes, friend ko na sila ngayon)  kung kelan ko ba sasagutin si Johann but Johann never asked me that question. He is just waiting. Patiently. He is waiting for the time kung kelan mararamdaman na niya na mahal ko siya kahit hindi ko sasabihin. And I never expected that  time would come soon.

It was Wednesday evening and as usual naghihintay na naman ako dito sa library. Tatlong buwan ko na itong ginagawa. Waiting for Johann at the library after my class. Waiting for him to finish his soccer practice. I am not usually waiting as in doing nothing. Kasi habang naghihintay ako tinatapos ko ang lahat ng assignments ko.  Paminsan minsan nakikisabay sila Yanyan sa akin sa paggawa ng assignments habang naghihintay ako pero kadalasan nag iisa ako dito. And the waiting seems longer lalo na kong wala kang ginagawa. Like today, wala kaming assignments and I’m way ahead our lessons. I’ve checked my wristwatch for the tenth time and it says 6:45PM. I double check the wall clock hanging on the wall and it says 6:50PM. Johann usually arrives 6:30-6:40PM. Not later than that. And it made me anxious. He has been consistent for the last 3 months and was very punctual that it is quite unusual for him to be late. I’ve waited a little longer but when the clock strikes 7:10PM, I stood up and went out of the library.

Medyo kakaunti na lang ang mga estudyanteng naglalakad sa hallway kasi ang last class usually nagsastart ng 7:00PM.  Naglakad ako  at bumaba sa kabilang stairs na malapit sa soccer field pero pagdating ko sa soccer field wala na ang mga soccer players doon. Ang meron doon ang ibang estudyante na naglalakad. I also looked at the bleachers beside the soccer field pero wala pa din doon si Johann. It’s already 7:30PM at nagugutom na ako. After kong maikot ang buong field I have decided to go home. I checked my cellphone and no reply from him too. Hindi din niya sinasagot ang cellphone niya.

Naglalakad na ako palabas ng campus  sa bandang cafeteria when my attention was caught by the noise created by a group of students. Ang dami nila, babae and lalaki. Must be celebrating something because andaming food sa table nila. I was about to ignore them and dumiretso sa paglalakad when one of the girls said.

Johann you have a sauce on your mouth. And she giggled.

It’s as if his name alone is a magnet that my head and my eyes automatically darted to the group. Then I saw the girl with a pretty voice and a pretty face wipe Johanns’ mouth with a tissue.

There. Ang takaw mo kasi. They all laughed and he turns red. I don’t know what happened to me but biglang nanikip ang dibdib ko. I took a deep breath to ease the tightness of my heart pero andun pa din ito. Hindi ko man lang napansin na sunod sunod na pala ang paghinga ko ng malalalim and that I was holding my books too tightly as if sila ang lifeline ko. I remember feeling like this nung pinakain ko kay Amie ang papel nung ginulo niya ako. But that was because I was irritated. But what I feel right now is beyond irritation. I don’t want to see him like that or rather I don’t want to see him too close to that girl or any girl in particular. Ayokong makita silang ganyan and I wanted to run away from that scene that very moment but I was unable to move. It’s as if I was numb and my feet can’t function. I close  my eyes to calm myself. After a while, I don’t know what got into me but I found myself walking slowly towards them.

Johann. That came out my mouth involuntarily. The moment I heard myself say it, I feel like hitting myself. Bakit hindi na lang ako tumakbo at lumayo doon? All of them looked at me and they all fell silent. Nawala bigla ang ngiti sa mukha ni Johann and his face turned from red to white. I felt a rising panic at the pit of my stomach. They all waited for me to speak. I looked at the girl who wiped Johanns’ mouth and looked at Johann. Nagkatinginan kami.

I’ve waited for you and looked for you at the field. I was surprised upon hearing my cold voice. Parang hindi ako ang nagsasalita. Parang boses na galing sa ilalim ng dagat na nababalot ng yelo. It is so cold and I can feel it. I can feel the numbness taking over me.  It’s quite late and I wanted to go…home. The last word seemed like a whisper. And all of their faces become blurry. Nakatayo pa din ako sa harap nila like an idiot when I heard him whisper my name.

Angel. Then with all the numbness that I am feeling, it’s a miracle that I can still feel  his arms as he embraced me.