Collision Course

Chapter 10

He looked at me softly and tried to decipher what I said to him.

"You're never going to be 100% ready and it's never going to be the right time, but that's the point. It means every moment is the right moment. If you want it, you just have to do it" He tells me with a shrug.

I looked at him if he was crazy. Did he understand anything I just said? Sometimes I just wanted to push him off a cliff and run to the bottom to try and catch him. He was so difficult.

"I've seen what happens when there are no plans, no rules to follow. I was like that two years ago. I'm not like some freak show who does things the way they are supposed to do without any reason. I have a reason, Douglas" I tell him with a sigh.

"What's your reason then?" He asks me curiously.

I look at him briefly trying to decide whether or not I should tell him or not. But, how can I trust him? He's hurt me. And he will do it again. How can you trust someone who has hurt you mentally and emotionally?

I decide to just get up from the bed and walk out of the room leaving him there by himself, but he stops me before I can even make it to the door.

"What's your deal? I admitted my secret to you and you won't even answer a simple question? Is it that deep of a secret?" He asks me searching my eyes.

"I never told you to admit anything to me. You just did. I don't know-"

"Don't know what? For some bizarre reason I trust you and it hurts to know that you don't even trust me back. I don't trust easily and now you're telling me there's no point in trusting you?" He questions me still not letting go.

"That's not what I'm saying" I tell him with a sigh.

"No, but that's what you're trying to say" Douglas says and runs a hand through his hair angrily.

I don't say anything after that and Douglas lets me leave not caring. I felt bad that's how he felt, but he's hurt me before too. It's hard being his friend when he does nothing to prove its worth fighting for. He makes me so aggravated.

                                 *           *            *

That night my parents went out for dinner and Douglas and I were left by ourselves. I was scared to go ask him if he wanted anything to eat. He's been in his room for hours. I wonder what he had been thinking or feeling. The guilt was eating me alive and I hated it.

I had made pasta earlier since I loved butter pasta and there was nothing else I knew how to cook. Mitchum usually liked to cook for me, but I felt like it was unnecessary too since I was now an adult. Deciding to make a bold move and be brave for once I grabbed a plate and served the left over pasta that I cooked. I walked up the long stair case of my parent's house and to the room Douglas was staying in.

I took a deep breathe in before I knocked on the door.

"Yes?" I heard his voice question.

He opened the door and looked at me intensely. His jaw tightened and his hands tightened as well making it obvious he was still mad at me.

I held up the plate and said, "I thought you'd be hungry."

He looked at the plate of pasta and then closed the door on my face. What the hell? Instead of knocking on the door this time I opened the door. I swing his door open and there he was on his bed laughing.