Don't Let Me Fall (A Liam Payne Fanfic)

CHAPTER EIGHT: Sanctuary

ELAINA'S POV

I managed to squeeze in fifteen hundred yards before I allowed myself a short break. I hung out at the wall, catching my breath, and let the soothing nature of the pool take over. Thankfully there wasn’t anyone at the pool. The ever familiar smell of chlorine filled my nostrils and I breathed deeply. This was where I felt most at home. Below the water, where your ears were submerged, you couldn't hear anyone yelling at you. Yelling at how ugly you were. Yelling at how stupid you were. Yelling about how you'll never make it far in life. Couldn't hear all the hurtful things. The pool was my escape. My sanctuary. It didn’t judge. And when I swam, I felt powerful. Like I could do anything. Like I could overcome anything. Thoughts of my parents’ comments on my swimming rushed into my mind. I remembered how they had called me worthless. How I’ll never amount to anything. Because as they had put it, my grades were “totally unacceptable” and “weren’t going to get me anywhere.” Then I remembered the scholarship letter I had gotten from Yale. They had been ecstatic until I told them it was for swimming.

~***~

“Swimming?!” my father’s voice thundered. “How far can you get in life with swimming?”

“Well there’s the Olympics,” I countered softly.

My mother laughed out loud. “For heaven’s sake, you think you’re going to the Olympics?” She thought it was the funniest thing ever.

“Why’s that so hard to believe? I’m ranked fifth in the nation!” I protested.

My mother guffawed. “Fifth in the nation is not going to get you anywhere. First, maybe.” I was too angry to speak. To come back with a retort.

“No daughter of mine will grow up having a profession of swimming,” my father spat. He said the word “swimming” like a disease. Like a curse. I looked back at him steadily. I was done being their little puppet. I was done hearing how I will never be good enough. I was done with them.

“Fine,” I said softly, “Then I guess I’m not your daughter.” I spun around to go to my room. “That’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” I called over my shoulder. “Now you got your wish.”

That night I packed up everything of mine. There were no tears. There were no goodbyes. The next morning, I was on a plane flying from Indiana to Connecticut. I crashed over at a friend’s house. While everyone was enjoying their last summer before they went off to college, I spent hours slaving away at the community pool. I threw myself into practicing. I got up at 5:30 and didn’t go back to my friend’s house until 2:30 in the afternoon. When I wasn’t swimming, I worked tirelessly at the Bar restaurant. Trying to save up enough money so I could leave all this behind. I’ve always wanted to go to Europe. And every hard penny I earned went toward my Europe fund. Then the semester started. Swimming practices got shorter. I started working less. I took a bunch of random classes. Theatre arts. Choir. Classes my parents had forbid me from taking while in high school. Then there were the classes I was interested in. Philosophy. Psychology. I had wanted to be a psychiatrist when I saw that there was no way out from my parents’ firm mindset that their daughter absolutely had to be a doctor. Despite the friends I had made in my dormitory and having a sweet, caring boyfriend, I didn’t feel at home. And I knew why. My parents’ names were engraved into the walls of Yale for being exceptional students. I avoided the biology research lab like the plague. Some of my father’s colleagues still worked there and would always compare me to my father. By the time the fall semester was finished, I was done at Yale. I was miserable and lonely. I had managed to keep good grades and Will had suggested I transfer to Columbia, to be with him. I agreed heartily and contacted the swim coach at Columbia. He told me he wanted me at Columbia the minute he saw me at Nationals and Columbia would happily take me in. The rivalry between the Ivy Leagues helped. Within a month, I had moved to New York and was happily settled at Columbia. Everything was free. My room and board. My tuition. All because I agreed to swim for Columbia. And I loved it. Finally I found a place where I belonged. Surrounded by the arts and culture of New York and a group of close-knit friends, I felt like I was at the top of the world. I spent three happy years at Columbia. During the NCAA nationals of my senior year, I was told that some of the world’s best coaches and scouts were going to be there. Big name sponsors were also going to be there, ready to take promising swimmers into the professional world. It was an important meet. I was swimming the 100 yard and 200 yard backstroke. I was confident during the 100 yard. It was my event. I touched the wall at third, just a hundredth of a second behind second place and I was devastated. But in two hours, I had to swim the 200. I squared my shoulders and put on a brave face. When I touched the wall and had noticed a bright green one next to my name, I couldn’t believe it. Second-place winner came in tenth of a second behind me. After I had changed, my coach called me over to tell me that someone wanted to talk to me. I met Oxford University’s coach. He immediately told me that Oxford wanted someone like me. If I agreed, I would receive the full ride scholarship. The scholarship so prestigeous that only one boy and one girl from the entire nation would be chosen. Everything would be paid. I couldn’t say yes fast enough. It was my dream come true. I get to go to Europe… For free. Two days later, the letter came. I showed Will the letter and thought he would be excited since I knew he was applying to the medical program at Cambridge. Instead, he told me the long distance thing couldn’t work. Then he told me he wanted to break up. And that was it. Five years of being together were gone. I didn’t cry. I was a rock. I was numb. No feelings. I threw myself into training for the next four days. I let the pool take the brunt of my pain. Only the pool saw my tears. I poured my pain into swimming. After four days, I packed everything up again and headed to England.