Strings Of Fate

Chapter 2 - Why me?

Nang makaupo na kami at nakapag order na, tahimik lang naming pinagmamasdan ang mga dumaraang mga sasakyan sa labas. Hindi ako makwentong tao at boring ako kasama. Kaya siguro walang tumatagal sa presence ko.

Dumating na ang order namin. Wala maski isa ang nagsasalita sa amin. Kinuha ko nalang ang earphones at phone ko para magpatugtog. Napansin naman ni Aries iyon kaya agad niya akong pinigilan.

"A-uhm... Caye..."

"Yeah?"

"Mabibigyan mo pa ba ako ng second chance?"

"No." I am already done with you. Ayoko nang masaktan ka pa ulit at ayoko nang saktan ang sarili ko ulit.

"Mahal mo ba ako?"

"No." I'm sure he is crying inside his heart right now. So what? I have to be honest with my feelings.

"Then I will never give up on you. Mamahalin mo ulit ako. At kapag nagawa ko iyon ay ako na ang pinakamasayang tao sa buong mundo." Ngumiti siya na para bang nagkaroon siya ng pag-asa kahit na sinabi ko nang wala nang chance.

Bakit kaya tayo ganito kapag nagmamahal. Hindi ka na nga mahal pero minamahal mo parin. Nasasaktan ka na nga pero sige parin. Binabalewala na pero lapit parin ng lapit. Napakatanga diba?

This was part of my biggest mistake in my life. Kasi kung hindi ako tumingin sa iba, hindi masasaktan ng ganito si Aries. Kung hinintay ko nalang sana siya. Kung hindi sana ako nagmadali. Kung pinigilan ko lang yung damdamin ko, na hindi porque iniwan niya ako eh dapat na akong maghanap ng comfort sa iba because I was so emotional that time, I thought it would be better if I found someone better. That is really imbecile mind. And the reason why he left me? I don't know if I'll accept that. What he has said was true. But if he loves me, he won't ever leave me. I don't know. I'm confused. Maybe this is just an immaturity. I don't really know. Now he's coming back, I don't know what is his motive. He left me before, now he's bugging me like nothing happened. Like, just wow.

But seriously, this is my mistake. This is totally my fault. I hurt the one I loved the most. I found another one that I thought he would fulfill my emptiness but it only gets worse. At pinagsisisihan ko iyon kung bakit umabot din ako sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Tahimik kong hinigop ang hot chocolate sa aking mug habang naramdaman ko ang pagtitig ni Aries sa akin.

I wanted to say sorry but I knew that sorry is not enough. But anyway, sasabihin ko parin.

"Sorry." Sambit ko habang nakayuko lang at nakatingin sa disenyo ng lamesa.

"For what? I should be the one who should say that!"

"For hurting your feelings." Biglang may pumatak na luha galing sa aking mga mata. I'm still a crying baby.

"I told you. Past is past. You can't bring it back. If you want to fix everything, then start now. But you cannot fix it on your own. I'll help. Trust me. I'll build you again like you used to. I miss the old you, Caye." Tuloy tuloy nang umagos ang aking luha sa mga mata. Agad naman niya itong ipinahid.

"You know, I miss myself, too." Ito lang ang nasabi ko at naging tahimik ulit ang aming paligid.

I really hate myself because I wasn't able to think about what move should I do. I based my decisions to my emotions. This is so messed up.

I am so messed up.

My life has been cursed, I wanted to die.

Not just because of the love, but just because my life isn't worthy of all anymore. Even my own family, even my own friends, they are all punishment to me. This is all a nightmare. I wish it is only just a nightmare so when I wake up I would be back to normal but that's not how things going on. I messed the things up and now, I don't know what to do with my life anymore.

Maybe all things will get better if I could just... die?

Maybe that's the thing I should do.

But I'm already dead inside. I can't bear the suffering anymore.

Where's my family?
Where's my closest friends?
Where are you?

I'm reaching out... please hear me.

Please... someone... kill me.

...