Strings Of Fate

Chapter 2 - Why me?

She breaks down and cried, until the tears are parched.
Screaming, howling, drowning, shrieking in her suicidal mind.
Asking for help, but there is no one to be found.

Soundtrack: Don't Let Me Be Yours - Zara Larsson

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I was dragged by the ghouls, saying sugar-coated words about death. They wanted me to love death. And I found myself loving it. Death wants to save me from my tragic life, but then he was an archfiend and I was an angel in disguise. He is bad and I want a good one.

I sinned.

I slit myself again. Am I bad?
I really hate myself. Am I selfish?
I am a sinner.
I was not good enough to everyone. Like I was a mistake. I am a mistake. I am a burden. I am worthless. People always get hurt because of me.
Isn't good that I will be gone forever? Because if I do, there are many good advantages.
If you'll ask what are those, see it for yourself.
One good advantage is, you'll never get hurt anymore.

...

"Pssst. Huy gising na nandyan na si Prof." Boses ni Jenny. Inimulat ko ang aking mata nang makita kong papasok na ang aming prof sa aming silid-aralan. Tinanggal ko na ang earphones na nakapasak sa tainga ko.

I feel tired after I dreamed that strange nightmare.

*sigh*

...

I am observing everyone around here. Some people are happy, some people are not. Some of them don't care about the lesson, and some of them are observing like me. Look at these people, paano nila namamanage na maging masaya? Paano nila nakakayanan yung mga problema nila? Paano nila nagagawang maging masaya sa kabila ng mga problema sa mundong ito?

I observed my professor. Is he satisfied with his life? Is he happy? Is he already fulfilled his dreams?

Napangiti nalang ako dahil sa kabila ng hirap sa mundo, may mga tao parin na satisfied sa buhay nila. Na accomplish na nila yung mga dapat nilang ma-accomplish. They will die with a smile on their faces.

Matapos ang lahat ng subjects ko, naglakad ako pauwi.

"Wait lang!" May narinig akong hinihingal sa likod ko kaya napatigil ako sa paglalakad.

"A-Aries? Anong ginagawa mo rito sa school ko?" Hindi ba siya nagsasawa sa akin? Itinataboy ko na, lumalapit parin.

"I was waiting for you! Diba kakasabi ko lang kahapon?"

"I'm not interested." Nagpatuloy na akong maglakad. Gusto ko nang umuwi. Pagod na ako.

"Can you just stay for awhile? Masyado ka nang naiistress sa buhay mo. Why don't you try to hang out with me?" Hang out? I'd rather sleep than going out.

"Hindi mo ba naiintindihan ang salitang 'I'm not interested'? Hindi ako interesado. Ayan tinagalog ko na. Nawa'y maintindihan mo na." Naglakad akong muli habang siya ay sinusundan parin ako sa paglalakad.