No reply

Chapter 1

(This is McLennon slash so fair warning because I'm not sure what all will eventually happen between them) 

______________ 

Part 1- Paul's P.O.V 

______________

I still remember the first time I ever saw John cry. I figured out that he wasn't the guy everyone saw him as. It was then that I realized, maybe he wasn't as cool as I thought he was. I always figured that he was tough, emotionless. Wasn't that how all real teddy boys were? When we were young, I wanted to be just like John.

He was older, more popular, cooler. He had all the girls while I was a chubby little school boy who hadn't even had a girlfriend yet. I really looked up to John. It helped that he was my best mate, it made it easier to watch him, to take notes and try to copy him. I would style my hair in a DA and tried to fit in with our bandmates. The times that John would break down and show his emotional side were very rare, but sometimes I would see past his tough teddy boy facade and see just John. The John that needed someone in his life that wouldn't leave him. He needed a person that would love him despite his insecurities, that would be there for him and stay, even when he was acting like an arse. I didn't know about this side of John when we just met, I only saw the guy that intimidated everyone, the one that I looked up to.

It was later in our friendship, soon after his mum died. I didn't see him the day of the awful accident, but I heard about it and decided to wait before I tried to comfort him. I knew he wouldn't want company right then, he would push them away and deny that he needed someone. I knew what it was like, and I knew he needed a day or so. It doesn't really register right away, and if John was anything like me, most likely he was in a state of shock right now. I couldn't get the image out of my head, of when he would finally break down and it suddenly crashed down on him, the realization that the one person he just got back in his life was taken away so quickly. It would hurt him a lot, and I would feel his hurt too because of how close we were. So I waited a while, sat back and worried about John, longing to go check on him. On the third day, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to see him no matter if he pushed me away or not. I was practically dying inside because I didn't know if he was coping at all.

I walked through the pouring rain, about a mile until I reached Menlove Avenue. Since I was soaked by the time I arrived, I was afraid Mimi wouldn't let me in. But still, I knocked on the door hesitantly, a strange feeling twisting in my stomach. The door opened slowly and John's aunt opened the door, her face expressionless. She took a long look at me, probably about to scold me for walking in the rain and getting wet, but decided against it. Her face softened and she shook her head slightly. "He's not here, Paul." She said, sighing. I looked down, more than a little disappointed. "Do you know where..." I trailed off, not daring to look up at Mimi right now. "I'm afraid not. If you see him though, make sure he's alright and tell him to be getting back home." She said and I merely nodded, my shoulders slumping. I stared down at my feet glumly until the slammed door made me snap back into reality.

I had an idea where John was, because after my mum had died, I had done the same thing. I found myself walking towards the graveyard, wanting to stop myself and give John some space. I really wanted to see him though. He needed to know I was there for him, that I understood. I finally arrived at the place that never seemed very threatening to me until my mother was buried. You never see a cemetery to be very frightening until someone you love is there, forever in the ground below you. I stopped abruptly in my tracks. I thought I had heard a noise.. a low murmuring sound that made my blood chill in my veins and my heart rate quicken. I listened intently to the voice as I tiptoed quietly to the source of it. I arrived at the heart wrenching sight of John's curled up body next to the freshly dug grave, his back turned to me. He was saying something, more like whispering, that I couldn't hear well enough to know what exactly. I dared to inch closer to him, seeing his rain-soaked hair covering his blank, expressionless face.  

"John?" 

I asked softly, running a hand through my hair. He quickly sat up and turned around with wide eyes, surprised to see me here suddenly. "Oh, hi." He mumbled, his hands going into the pockets of his leather jacket. I walked closer, carefully sitting in front of him, trying not to make a wrong move. To be honest, I was scared of John and his random mood swings back then. We just sat there, the silence heavy and tense around us. I was waiting on him to speak first, just to be sure he even wanted to talk. I wanted to be there for him, in whatever form. Whether I could comfort him with words or simply be there, I would have done whatever it took.

"I just don't get it, Paul. I know I should feel sad, empty...broken, even. I should be absolutely devastated that me mum was taken so unfairly. But I don't feel different at all, and it's scaring me. I feel numb, like I can't process what's happened." He admitted. I instantly felt relieved knowing that now he would open up a bit and let me help. He's already seen that he needs help and is looking for it, and that was a huge step in itself. I felt a warm feeling in my chest knowing that it was me that he chose to talk to.  

It was most likely the fact that I knew what he was experiencing, or that I was his only option, but at the time it made me feel special. Like I said, I looked up to him almost as much as he looked up to Elvis.

__________________________ 

End of chapter 1 

Soo...uh...let me know what I can do to make this better. If you don't like slash, please do not read. If this stinks, please let me know how I can fix it. I'm open to any suggestions because I'm not sure if I'm feeling this so far. Thanks guys!