Question Marks ➳ Camren

Three

All rights go to original author.

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The day is painful.

Which makes no sense, really, because this is what I wanted. I wanted things to be normal. I wanted Camila to forget that it ever happened and go on like nothing had changed. I wanted it all to just be a memory I could laugh at a couple of years from now, something Camila and I could maybe joke about, but not something that was real. Just a stupid, silly accident, caused by a sad girl and someone too willing to help.

But it's killing me.

It's stupid. It's so stupid the way I'm watching her through class, at lunch, like I'm trying to find something hidden in her actions, in her words. But nothing is different; she's exactly the same Camila she was before I kissed her. Her jokes still don't make sense, she still rambles on about something totally unrelated to the topic, and she's still gorgeous. And it's not fair because I feel nothing like the same Lauren I was a few nights ago. I feel like something in me got switched on, something I don't know how to operate.

I never noticed how touchy she was. Her fingers brush my wrist at lunch, the sun clinging to her hair and making it so hard to hide the admiration in my eyes. But I keep staring at her, acutely aware of the bell-like sound of her laughter and the warmth radiating from her fingertips across my flesh. The touch lingers for too long and I wonder if she did this before and I just never noticed, if I could have possibly been that ignorant. Her bare knees knock against mine under the table and I curse whoever invented skirts because her legs look far too good in them. They're tan and long and hairless and my hand pressed against the seat beside me is itching to crawl over and just, just -

I want to be mad at her. I wish I could be so I wouldn't feel like I've done something wrong. I hate thinking of it that way, of that kiss, of that moment trapped in the capsule of my car. It didn't feel wrong at the time and I can't help but wish it had. Then this wouldn't be so complicated. I could brush it off. I could move on. I could stop staring at Camila like she's a meal, for God's sake.

It's absolutely terrifying how quickly things can swerve out of control.

"What is wrong with you, Jauregui?"

All conversation is snuffed out. I blink in surprise, tuning back into reality to find Dinah glaring hard at me from across the table. The girl wears far too product in her hair, her chestnut eyes ringed in green eyeshadow. She's chewing on something loud and crunchy, throwing her eyebrows up when I simply stare at her in silence.

"Well? Spit it out."

You know something must seem off with me when Dinah Jane Hansen asks what's wrong. She's never been particularly kind to me, so the fact that she's even bothering to notice kind of throws me off. All eyes are trained on me now, except for Camila, who's suddenly very interested in a magazine on her lap. I glance at her, watching her chew the inside of her lip. It's the first time all day she's acted anything other than normal. Camila doesn't usually get nervous.

"Nothing. I'm fine." The smile on my face hurts my cheeks. Singing I've always been good at, but acting - I still need to work on that, and the proof lies in the eyes of my friends as they stare back at me, unconvinced. "Seriously. Nothing's wrong."

"You haven't said a word all day." Dinah shoves the plastic throng of her fork between her two front teeth, grimacing as she yanks it out, examining the tip. "Don't get me wrong, it's a gift from the gods having you shut up for once, but I'm curious as to who managed to dampen golden girl Jauregui's day."

"Why?" It's Ally who speaks up, removing the hair from her eyes.

"So I can congratulate them," Dinah replies. I swear, her smile is toxic.