Boys of the Dark | ✓ (2015)

1. The Boy with a Filthy Soul

"Let's play my favourite family car game." Melon Head—great guy, unfortunate name—pulled away from the window and adjusted the ball cap on his blond mop of hair. "How 'bout: Describe your vagina with a movie title."

Paris shot up from the backseat and stuck his face into the front of the car. "Where the Wild Things Are," he joined.

"Warm Bodies," Melon Head countered.

"You know there is only one person with a vagina in this car," said Delilah, but the ruined minds of two teenage boys were fired up.

"Holes."

"Finding Nemo."

"Open Season."

"Teeth."

Melon Head's knee hit the glove compartment as he clutched a hand between his legs. "I may be vagina-less, but I can actually feel my balls screaming."

Paris grabbed the shoulder of the driver seat and leaned in, a golden curl falling over his hazel eyes. "You're thinking about it, aren't you?" A grin tugged at his lips. "Teeth," he repeated.

The leather squeaked under Melon Head as he squirmed. "Stop. This makes the air taste bad."

"You know what else is bad?" Delilah, the driver, exasperated. Silver wisps of hair cracked against her cheeks as the wind poured from the open window. Her white boots pumped the gas pedal and their seats trembled under the roaring engine.

"Letting you drive?" Melon Head winced.

"Having to drive twelve hours to see my dickwad ex-boyfriend," Delilah grumbled. She flexed her newly human fingers on the chestnut leather of the steering wheel. "I'm literally the Devil! I don't need this 'transforming into a teenage girl' shit! I rule the freaking underworld."

Melon Head raised a protesting finger. "But you're on Earth and you're already putting the entire human race in danger by being here. You gotta blend, Satan."

"I love Earth! I love humans!" Paris gushed. He plonked himself back on the seat, jeans squashing an empty chip bag. "You know, they have this great thing called 'cheese pizza'. You folks oughta' try that orgasmic delicacy."

"I hate humans," Delilah spat. She dug her nails deeper into the steering wheel. "They have—ugh—feelings."

"But they're really nice! Yesterday, some guy even asked me to be a model." Paris gave a smouldering gaze into the front mirror with a jaw line chiselled by God.

Delilah rolled her eyes. "You're not even human, Paris! You're literally the spiritual form of Love crammed in some poor teen's body. The whole universe has no choice, but to love your sexy seventeen year old ass."

"Hey, I'd make a great model too," Melon Head piped in.

Delilah snorted. "Yeah. They'd ask you to pose as a model for the 'Before' photos."

She rolled her eyes as he held up two innocent hands. "Hey, hey," Melon Head said. "Just because you're in a shitty mood, doesn't mean you got to crush everyone's ego. Look, there's a cow!" He pressed his nose up against the glass, the green fields and haystacks reflecting in his wide blue eyes.

"You try being in a good mood when you find out your ex-boyfriend left you to become a human and then stupidly—" She swallowed her next words and kept her eyes on the road.

"Stupidly what? Why are we seeing your ex all of a sudden?" Paris scooted to the edge of his seat again.

"Guys! Take a look at the size of this cow!" Melon Head turned back around. "You think we could fit it in the trunk?"