Forbidden Literature

46| Brother

I have only been in the hospital twice in my life. The first time, I was five and drank an entire bottle of soap. Mom freaked and thought that I was poisoned, but it turned out that I would just burp up bubbles for an entire week instead. I had to admit, it was a very entertaining week.

The second time was when I visited my aunt who was in a bad car accident after driving home on icy roads. They didn't let me go back in her room to see her because she was supposedly in really bad shape. Mom and Dad didn't want the disturbing image of her to affect me. I was mad at the nurses and my family for not letting me see her, after all she is my favorite aunt.

But now, looking down at Ben's broken body, I am starting to understand why they did what they did.

My brother is a tall man with a hefty build. Not too lean, not too bulky, which is why the football team scavenged him out for months. After a lot of prying he tried out just to make them get off his back and ended up being the quarterback. He was always meant for greatness, even if he doesn't realize it, which is why seeing him wrapped up in tubes, gauze, casts, stitches, and monitors broke my heart.

This is not what he was meant for.

He was not meant to lay in this hospital bed with a tube down his throat forcing him to take another breath. He was not meant to look so weak and fragile when he is the strongest person I know. I hated the entire image of someone I thought could get through anything practically lifeless on a small white bed. I hated that his usual cheerful bright eyes were trapped behind his eyelids. I hated that his mouth that is always curled up to his ears was now flattened into a emotionless scowl. I figured I wasn't prepared to see him, but I didn't realize that I wouldn't be seeing Ben at all.

This is not my brother. This is a broken man.

"As I said before, he won't be responsive," Claire repeated standing a few feet behind me. I completely forgot she was there I was so lost in my thoughts. "But he can probably hear everything that you say. I've heard that was possible before. So if you are here to confess something to him, just know that he will remember it when he wakes up," she winked.

Her remark fell on deaf ears as my eyes trailed over Ben's hand resting over his chest. Ever so slowly it would rise and fall like the tides in the ocean. He was breathing, even if it was forced, but he is alive. At least that was promising.

"I'll keep that in mind," I murmured.

She might have said something else, but I wasn't paying attention. When the door shut and I was completely alone with Ben I suddenly realized that had no idea what to do. I've never been in this situation before and there are not enough books in the world to prepare me on how to talk to my comatose brother. I couldn't think of what to say or how to begin. Funny how I've been fighting to see him all week and now that I have my chance I'm completely mute.

In all honesty, I felt a little bad being here. I shouldn't be his first visitor. I may be his sister, which certainly holds a spot in his heart, but he deserves someone like Mom or Danica to be here. Not that he is going to wake up any time soon to see them, but I can't help but feel like this is a monumental moment that I don't deserve. I'm not with him every day. I talk to him on the phone maybe three times a month. Hell, I've practically hated him at one point, maybe several times.

But I couldn't bring myself to leave the room. Because as I said before, I am his sister. I love Ben, more than the times I've hated him. And I would be lying if I said that I haven't been aching to see him as soon as I left graduation. Maybe even before that. I was just hoping when I saw him he would be a little more . . . Ben-ish.

I let out a loud sigh and scraped a chair along the floor bringing it closer to his bed. I know if I was in his situation I wouldn't like it if someone just stood there watching over me.