wasting all these tears//phan

i

As silence engulfed the chocolate-eyed boy, he couldn't help but fall prisoner to his thoughts. The same thought had entered into his mind so many years ago and had never really left. The thought had formed a being; a person; someone who the boy felt greatly about in so many different ways. This thought was none other than Phil Lester.

It had been six years since the two had first met. The chocolate-eyed boy had been star struck when he finally saw his idol for the first time. He found himself almost dizzy as he stared into the deep blue eyes before him and had to make a conscious effort not to say or do anything too embarrassing (although, that didn't exactly go to plan as the first noise that came out of his mouth was somewhat of a squeak, which caused Phil to chuckle). Never, though, had he, Dan Howell, imagined that six years later he would be something a little more than best friends with his idol.

Each night for the past month or so, Dan had found himself reliving every memory he had shared with Phil. From the time they first met at the train station, to the last kiss they shared - he thought of it all. Despite finding it rather 'cringe-worthy', Dan still felt butterflies in his stomach whenever he saw the black haired boy or thought of the time they had spent together.

But now, at three o'clock in the morning, Dan could see something else in his mind. No longer was Philip Lester his only thought, there seemed to be something darker now. However, this thought was small and distant and Dan quickly shook it from his mind. Instead, he turned to the blank sheet of paper on his bedside table and picked both it and the pen beside it up.

"This'll take my mind off things," he smiled slightly as he begun writing: 'Dear Phil, it's three am. I can't sleep. So, I'm writing to you.' Dan chuckled to himself as he heard Phil's soft snores from the room next to his. That boy really did mean the world to him, and Dan didn't know what he would do without his Phil. It was so strange to think that someone who was a complete stranger at one point could mean so much to him now. But, as strange as it was, Dan would always be thankful that he and Phil had met.

Despite his fears, Dan always felt safe when he was near Phil. At this moment in time, his thoughts were silenced as he listened to the other boy's breaths. It was almost soothing to hear him; to be so close to him; to have him. Dan didn't know exactly what love was, but he was pretty sure that it was what he and Phil shared.

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A/N: okay hello yes! I'm sorry this is kind of short but I hope you like it! I kind of like it tbh idk. Anyway, yeah, please tell me what you think of it (and constructive criticism is always welcome!). Votes and comments are appreciated :-)
-emma