Not Something I Wanted

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Sade


I stayed up that night, even though I was tired as I don't know what that statement had my mind racing.

"I hope it's a boy."

I sighed loudly wiping my face watching out for Chris face, because sadly I didn't want to wake up him and have to talk to him about the situation. Even though I have to talk to him sooner or later, but right now isn't the time.

I was so high on ecstasy I didn't even realize how many times Chris nutted inside of me. Its freaking ridiculous.

I cursed myself under my breath and rolled my eyes to the ceiling feeling myself tear up. In 9 months I'll be having the fucking creature baby and I have no way of getting rid of it. It's not like I'm going to abort the baby it's just like, I'm going to be pregnant by somebody that killed me, somebody who damn sure don't know how to take care of a female, better yet a woman.

Shaking my head, Chris's body jerked causing me to flinch and Chris head to snap up.

"Mmm, why you still up?" He asked in a deep voice with his eyes squinted.

"I couldn't sleep," I mumbled glancing down at him and looking up at the ceiling.

"Well why not?" he asked me before laying his head back down, looking at me.

"Talk to me." His voice sounded so concern it made it seem like Chris actually cared, but then at the same time he killed me, fucked me, and got me pregnant. I mean who does shit like that?

"There's nothing to talk about." I simply said. Avoiding his intense glares.

"Ma I'm not playing with you."

"And I not playing, I don't have nothing to say to you."

"And why not?"

"Because dammit Chris look at what you done to me!?" I semi-yelled at him. "How can I trust you better yet even be in the same room with you if you killed me in my sleep, and got me pregnant, do you even care about me, or do you just care about yourself?" I snapped on him. I really didn't mean to but at the end of the day he was in the wrong, and I was stupid enough to follow along with him, knowing he's a bad person on the inside and out.

He looked token back then sat up looking down at me.

"So, this is not what you wanted?" He asked.

"No this is nowhere close to what I wanted Chris," I confessed looking up at him.

"So, you lied to me?" His voice was slowly rising in volume stating he was more so pissed than ever.

"For God's sake Chris we never even agreed to go back out!?" I face palmed myself.

"That day I excepted your apology, wasn't the day I told you I wanted to be with you again, you automatically assumed that we we're dating again and we're not, if you would stop assuming shit then none of this would be happening," I told him.

Chris faced showed with anger then his face changed into a softer tone. He sighed then moved from in between my legs and sit beside me.

"Well damn," Chris took a pause and laid back down with his hands over his face.

I laid on my side and looked at him instantly, feeling bad for him.

"Chris, I didn't mean to upset you like this but it's the truth," I laid my head on the pillow and stared at him.

"It's alright ma, it's my fault I didn't consult things with you first. I just automatically thought you were mines again, and I somewhat thought you loved me once more," He licked his lip and turn his body towards me so we we're looking at each other.

I sighed lightly and ran my thumb across his cheek.

"Chris, I do love you, I love you with all my heart, but at the end of the day where's the love you say you have for me?"

He looked in my eyes and pulled me close to him.

"You do fail to realize it's the little things that count right?" he arched his brow at me.

"Ma, I love you with all my heart, body, and soul, I'll kill for you to make you happy. You don't understand how much I love you, I even popped some seeds in your ass I wouldn't have done that if I didn't love you the way I do." He pecked my lips slowly and ran my hair through my tangled hair.

I sighed lightly because Chris will never be able to get it, not through that thick ass skull of his.

"Chris," I started to say but stopped in my tracks. "Never mind."

Chris looked at me and smiled lightly.

"What is it ma?"

I bit on my bottom lip and sighed trying my hardest not to say the wrong words but no matter how I say it. It will still come out wrong and that's not what I want.

"Never mind Chris," I shook my head no and looked passed his shoulder.

"Ma say what you have to say and stop holding back."

I sighed lightly and looked at him.

"I don't want a baby with you right now."

Chris face instantly changed into a mug but then quickly changed into a smile.

"Either way you're still going to have my child and I don't care about what you do or what you say, you'll still having my baby," He glared at me then turned the other way.

"Goodnight beautiful," Was his final words before he went to sleep on me once again.

I stared at the back of his head for the longest before I finally turned my back and stared at the door. This was not how I planned my life to be. This have had to be the most fucked up after life or whatever you want to call it ever!

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