you belong with me | c.w. ✓

nine [I'm sorry.]

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n i n e

"I'm sorry."

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I waved goodbye to Emmett before ending the FaceTime call, turning off my phone and falling back on my bed. It had been nearly three weeks since the Ferris wheel incident, and I hadn't talked to Cole since. It hurt more than I thought it would to avoid him; but what hurt more was knowing I was breaking his heart. I wanted more than anything to comfort him and tell him what was going on, but I knew I couldn't. Yes, Cole was my best friend, but Jaden was my brother.

I was about to turn on my TV when the doorbell rang, and I reluctantly crawled out of bed to answer it. Normally I'd let someone else answer the door, but my parents were out at some party and Jaden was hanging out with some guys from the team, so I was the only one home.

I trudged downstairs and opened the front door, and I froze when I saw who it was.

Cole.

"Riley-" he started to say before I slammed the door shut, my heart racing. I couldn't talk to him. If I did, I took the risk of falling for him again - and that can't happen.

He knocked on the door again and yelled, "Riley, please. I just want to talk."

Sighing, I closed my eyes and leaned against the door. Didn't he deserve that? I'd been pushing him away for weeks, and he still cared about me. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

Cole stared at me for several seconds before awkwardly clearing his throat. "Um - can I come in?"

I nodded, and closed the door behind him as he came inside. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and sighed. "Look, Ry, I get that you're mad at me or whatever, but you can't keep ignoring me like this. I'm not leaving here until you tell me what the hell is going on."

I looked down at my feet, crossing my arms over my chest. I knew I couldn't tell him the real reason why I freaked out at the fair, but he deserved some kind of explanation. I nodded and led him over to the living room before sitting down on the couch. He sat down next to me and looked at me expectantly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

He continued to stare at me, waiting for more, so I kept going.

"I'm sorry for everything. I know I hurt you, and believe me, it hurt me just as much to do that to you, I just...I'm sorry," I said, shifting my gaze to look at him while holding back tears.

His gaze softened, and he tried to take my hand but I shook my head. Sighing, he replied, "It's okay."

I looked at him with a confused expression. "Why are you being so nice to me? After all I've done to you, you still act like you care about me. Why?"

Cole looked into my eyes. "Because I love you."

My heart stopped, and I felt my eyes widen. "You...you love me?"

He nodded and smiled sadly. "How could I not?"

I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and I closed my eyes, leaning back against the couch.

He loves me.

"I-I love you too," I said, looking at him. His entire face lit up, and it broke my heart knowing what I had to say next.

"But we can't be together."

His face fell. "What? Why?"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "We just can't. I'm sorry." I closed my eyes again as more tears fell.

"No."

I looked up at him, confused. "What?"

He shook his head and stood up. "You can't tell me you love me and then say 'we can't be together' and refuse to tell me why. You can't do that."

I had never seen him this upset - but I knew he was justified. He had a right to be upset. "I know. And I'm sorry. But we can't be together."

He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. "You know what the worst part is?"

I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.

"The worst part is, I want to be mad at you. I want to be angry and upset with you for what you did to me, but I can't." He opened his eyes and looked at me. "No matter how hard I try, I can't be mad at you."

I felt butterflies in my stomach - the same butterflies I'd felt in the Ferris Wheel. "I - I don't know what to say."

He shook his head. "Me neither."

Several minutes of silence passed, neither of us knowing what to say. It was a whole new territory for us - usually, you couldn't get us to stop talking. But that was before, when we were just friends. Before he tried to kiss me. Now, everything was different.

I didn't want things to be different. I know we could never go back to the way we were before, not after everything that had happened - but I just wanted anything other than this awful silence.

I sighed and looked up at him. "I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but...I don't want this to be the new us. Avoiding each other and fighting - that's not us. Yelling at the refs on TV during basketball games and insulting each other's taste in music is."

Cole looked at me in disbelief. "Riley..." he shook his head. "I-I can't. I wish I could, believe me. But I can't just be friends with you. I can't be around you knowing you love me back and still refuse to be with me. I can't - I won't - do that to myself."

My heart dropped to my feet. "But-" I stopped myself. There was no use fighting this. It wasn't fair of me to ask him to basically ignore all of this. I didn't want to lose him...but I'd never considered the possibility that maybe I'd already lost him. But not when I stopped the kiss. Not when I told him we couldn't be together.

I lost him a year ago, when I made that promise to Jaden. I lost him before I even met him.

I had done this to myself. I knew I was falling for Cole, and yet I let it keep going. This was all my fault.

And Cole deserved so much better than that.

So I blinked back tears and nodded. "Okay."

He glanced over at me for a brief second before looking away, like it hurt just to look at me. "I'm sorry, Riley."

I shook my head. "It's not your fault. I'm the one who's sorry." I knew I'd apologized too many times, but it would never stop being true.

He took a deep breath and stood up. My heart broke a little more as I watched him walk to the front door. Away from me.

Pausing, he turned his head to look back at me. "Goodbye, Riley."

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

He started to open the door, then glanced back at me, like he was waiting for me to say something else. Something to stop him from leaving.

And as much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't.

So I didn't say anything, even as he gave one final nod and walked out of the house. Out of my life.

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so this is way too short but i've had the worst writer's block lately, sorry :/

anyways i hope you guys liked this chapter, comment & vote for more!

also you guys should go read the prologue for my new LLWS story Internet Friends :) chapter one will be up soon!

~linds