After Emma

Chapter Two

Without A Breath

Mason's POV

When I wake up my entire body hurts. I roll over and see the bottle of pills Dr. Tanner prescribed me. I pull open the cap and tap one into my palm. I stare at it. It sits so unassuming and blue. I pour a few more.

Emma's sitting at the end of my bed, "If you take them, you could be with me forever."

"There's not enough," I mutter.

"You know what to do," she whispers, her breath tickling my ear. She hands me my phone and I dial Dr. Tanner's number.

"Mason?" she says as soon as the line connects.

"Hi, Dr. Tanner. Sorry to bother you, but I've misplaced my pills and I was wondering if you could possibly get me a refill at the pharmacy."

"Yes of course Mason. I'm happy you've finally opened up to the idea of medication."

"Yeah... right. Just please get the refill."

As soon as she stops sputtering about making advances in my mental health I hang up and look up for Emma's approval, but she's gone. I put the pill back in the bottle and take a swig of the vodka I stashed under my bed instead.

Like most days of the week my mom flutters around me with her usual nervousness. "Did you eat breakfast?" she asks.

"Yes, mother," I say drily and spot Bryan through the doorway. We haven't really spoken since the incident on the day of Emma's funeral. As for her, I'm going to visit her plot today. I already bought flowers, although they're drooping a little.

Dr. Tanner told me it might help me ease past her loss. But recently I've been seeing her more and more. Some times she's sitting on the edge of the tub when I'm brushing my teeth, sometimes she's sitting next to me when I'm out drinking. And recently she's been telling me to join her.

The more that people look at me as something broken, a toy they can no longer play with, the more tempting the offer seems. Daniel won't talk to me, every time Emma's mom sees me she cries, even Dr. Tanner herself, looks at me like something to be pitied. But Emma doesn't come around when Spencer is near by. Not that we spend much time together. The girl annoys me a bit. She's too honest, too upfront. She scares me sometimes.

"I've got to go, okay," I say, backing out the door, my flowers in one hand and the doorknob in the other.

"Okay, but be back before 6, yeah?" Mom negotiates and I feel like I'm twelve again, if she were around when I was twelve.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I say and walk out into the dreary weather.

"Good riddens to her, am I right?" Emma jokes and wraps her arms around me as we walk.

I nod slowly, "Yeah, I guess so."

"And Daniel will forgive you once he remembers how much you love me."

"He already knows," I say, frowning. A girl passing by us gives us a weird look.

"He thinks you're a coward. More afraid to hear what I said before I died than wanting to hear the voice of the only love of your life."

"It isn't that..." I whisper.

She shushes me, "I know baby, I know." Suddenly she disappears as I reach the cemetary. Through the iron gates I can see families huddled around tombstones of lost relatives and friends. Mud oozes under my shoes as I pick my way through the grass.

"Sorry," somebody mutters as they run into me, too blinded by the tears they're wiping from their face to really see me.

"It's okay," I mutter back and spot the landmark tree near Emma's grave. I pick up my pace, pulling my jacket tighter around me. Here, I stop. I breath in and out and read the average words that describe an extraordinary girl.