Minor Change In Plans
I waited until her coffin was all covered in dirt, my feet were glued to the ground, my entire body frozen in place. Afraid to move. When the funeral workers walked away, I finally collapsed on the ground, grass stains on the knees of my suit. I touched the new, loose dirt and wondered, How can she breath down there? I raked my nails across the ground, tears running down my face. The beautiful can be corpses. The smart can go brain dead. The gentle and kind can be lost too soon.
"Emma," I sobbed.
"Mason." Her mother stood above me, her face puffy.
"She can't be gone," I whispered. She sat down on the ground next to me and wrapped her arms around me.
We cried together and at one point, I think she whispered, "I always hoped you would be my son in law."
"That's my seat."
"Huh?" I say, looking up from my tea. The girl, Dr. Tanner's daughter, is standing behind me, a mug of tea in her hand. "Oh... sorry," I say, starting to stand up.
"I'm just joking," she says smiling at me.
"Oh..." I sit back down and she sits down in the seat opposite me.
She is watching me, I can feel it, so I look up, our eyes connecting. "Mason, right?" she asks. I nod slowly and she leans back in her seat. "Are you staying for the show?" she says suddenly.
"Show?" I repeat dumbly and she nods.
She gestures to a small stage in the corner of the coffee shop. There's a guitar propped against a chair and a standing microphone. "You sing?" I ask her.
I can hear Emma singing in the shower, as I wait in her bed, flipping through the romance novels she loves.
We're singing in the car. I'm incredibly off-key, but her voice rings above it.
"A little, I do gigs here a few times a week." My fingers shake. Do I dare stay and listen? "You should stay." Before I can respond, she stands up and walks up to the stage with an incredible confidence. The hum of the place dies down as everyone waits, they must be used to this too. She sits down on the chair and adjusts the straps around her neck.
"Hello everybody," she says into the mic, her voice warm and deep over the speakers. Everybody claps and I look around at everyone's faces. "I betcha all heard Hello, yeah?" A handful of people hoot and she strums quietly before starting.
"Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing
Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet
There's such a difference between us
And a million miles."
We breath together, everybody in the room is of one heart, one soul. Her voice hums low and I watch the way she closes her eyes and tilts her head with the sway of the words. Her lips almost brush the mic and there's a piece of hair in her face. I feel a smile creeping onto my face.
Whose this girl? Why is everybody in a trance, even me?
I thought I'd see Emma up on that stage. Singing a cheesy pop song in her upbeat way, but this is something different. I can feel it within me.
"Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, anymore
Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart
Anymore."
Everybody claps at the end and her eyes open slowly and she smiles at everyone. "Thank you." She taps the body of the guitar, as if on the fly she's recalling her lyrics. "Now y'all I'm going to share my favorite song with you."
"Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay, would it be a sin?
If I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling so we go
Some things were meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
'Cause I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling so we go
Some things were meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
'Cause I can't help falling in love with you
'Cause I can't help falling in love with you
But I can't help falling in love with you."
The butterscotch sound of her voice, rings in my ears and we make eye contact over the room. My body moves without my knowing and suddenly I find myself, packing up my stuff and marching out of the coffee shop.
If only Emma were here. She could tell me why I was upset. She would wrap her thin little arms around me and nuzzle her face into my neck. And she would tell me she loved me to make me feel better, my pain ebb and it would work. It would help me and the two of us would walk together again. Just like old times. I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. The little red 1 taunts me.
Click it, click it, click it. My brain chimes.
You don't want to hear what she has to say. The last things she said. Don't click, don't click, don't click.
"Nevermind," I whisper and turn it off.
"Hey, you!" I hear behind me and see the girl standing in the open doorway. She is still holding her guitar in her hands. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah... yeah, I'm fine."
She narrows her eyes at me. Brown. Brown not like Emma's blue. "Most of the people who see my mother aren't fine."
I purse my lips. "You go see her don't you."
She nods slowly and holds her hand out to me, "I'm Spencer. I was diagnosed with anorexia at the age of 13. I'm forced to see my own mother whose favorite thing to do in the evening is to pick apart my personality and blame it on disease. And I am not fine. How are you?"
My heart pounds. "I have to go." I want to run from this girl. I want to run away from my fear and the message on my phone.
"But I can't help falling in love with you."
I'm Mason. I lost the woman I love. It's my fault she's dead. It's my fault my dad abused me, my fault he's dead. I'm being forced by my mother to see a therapist like I'm a broken, little kid. And I'm not fine.
Two Days Later...
After my therapy session, I walk outside and squint into the sunlight. My mom has a haircut and can't pick me up, so I make my way down to the coffee shop. As soon as I step inside I see Spencer sitting in my spot and my palms sweat. Should I leave?
Instead, I walk up to the counter and order hot tea and then make my way to her. She's reading a medical journal. It's thick and boring looking, mostly words and a few photos of anatomy or something.
"Excuse me, but that's my seat," I blurt out and she looks up, blinking at me. For a moment we just stare at each other and then a smile spreads across her face.
YOU ARE READING
After Emma
Romance(Book Three of My Brother's Friend) You know when you wake up from a bad dream and the relief that floods into you when you realize everything will be alright? There is no relief for me. I am stuck in an eternal nightmare. There is no going back. I...
