Twilight Parody

the fun continues

Mike: Hey Bella, Wait up!
Bella: You aren’t pissed at me, for the assignment?
Mike: Yeah totally pissed, but I still want to walk with you
Bella: Thanks, I have gym next, you?
Mike: Gym too!
Bella: cool, what are we playing?
Mike: Volleyball
Bella: With my luck I’ll probably fall into the net, break every bone in my body, and hurt everyone around me
Mike: All in one class?
Bella: Yeah, I --- Wait, are you making fun of me?
Mike: Obvious isn’t it?
Both walk into the gym

Mike limping out of the gym, Bella in tears, holding her arms
Mike: I did not think one person could do that much damage
Bella starts crying
Mike: Do I smell smoke? (Looks back sees a small fire) What the hell Bella, How did you start a fire?
Bella: I think when the volleyball hit the light, caught on fire, and hit the curtain (sounding ashamed)
Mike: Wow, Wow, Seriously I am surprised they are letting you come back tomorrow, wow
Bella starts hiccupping in between her tears
Mike:  Its okay, you just have to stand behind me from now on okay?
Edward walks up, appearing out of nowhere, peers into the gym
Edward: Did world war three just happen, and I am just finding out?
Mike makes a slashing motion across his neck and Bella starts bawling and runs away
Edward: wow, so glad she isn’t ever going to be president
Mike: Why?
Edward: Nuclear Weapons in her hands, No thank you
Edward walks away in the opposite direction of Bella

Edward talking to the receptionist from earlier.
Edward: I need to switch to any science class in third period
Receptionist: I’m sorry I can’t put you anywhere else. Sorry
Bella walks in, and a conveniently placed fan blows in Edwards direction. You see a cut scene of all the ways Edward could kill Bella, and the receptionist. Edwards back is stiff and he walks out. Bella looks at him before turing off the fan and putting a paper in a basket. Runs after Edward, goes into parking lot, sees her car is the last in the lot curses walks to her car, slips and runs to the car.

Cafeteria the next day, you see The Cullen’s walking in jasper in pain, Alice grabbing onto him, followed by Emmet and Rosalie. Rosalie glares at Bella flips her hair and walks and trips.
Rosalie: Damn it, not again!!
Emmett: Calm down, Rose, it’s not the end of the world!
Rosalie: Damn Heels (takes off heels and throws them)
Emmett runs and grabs them helps Rosalie up and walks to the table, Alice snickers and Rosalie glares at her.

Edward randomly comes up to Bella and pushes her
Bella: what the hell was that for?
Edward: Um the car (looks around to try to point to the car that he thought was going to hit her) DAMN IT ALICE!!
Alice Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett all giggling
Edward: You said it was going to hit her, you little midget! Damn it Alice seriously!!
Edward walks away from Bella’s side, and a car hits her
Edward: ALICE!
Alice: I didn’t say which car was going to hit her…
Edward runs over to help Bella

Science class on Monday, Bella sees Edward sitting at their table
Edward: Hey Bella, I’m Edward we haven’t had a chance to meet, have we? (holds out his hand)
Bella slaps hand: Edward why are you wearing contacts?
Edward: What?
Bella: Today your eyes are golden; a few days ago they were onyx.
Edward: Oh Um, No I think your imagining things Bella
Bella: Yeah I guess…
Edward: Cough, Crazy, Cough
Bella: Nothing your imagining things again cough insane cough.
Bella: Ed-
Teacher walks in cutting Bella off, starts talking about Mitosis. At the end of a few minutes
Teacher: The First group to identify the stages of mitosis will win Stanley’s Cup!(Shows a golden cup)
Everyone moans and gets to work.
Edward peeks into the microscope: Anaphase
Bella: Can I see? If you please
Edward: What, so you can pretend you knew that, pfft no
Bella trying to grab the microscope: Edward we have to work together.
Edward pulls the microscope away: Why Bella, I am so amazing, that I already finished (raises hand to call the teacher)
Teacher: Yes, Edward?
Edward: Bella and I are done.
Teacher: I gave you the assignment 2 minutes ago, are you sure?
Edward: I’m-I mean we are just that amazing.
Teacher: Bella?
Bella sarcastically: woo-hoo us…
Teacher: Good job, and for your enthusiasm you can have Stanley’s cup Bella
Bella: I really don’t want-(the teacher puts Stanley’s cup into her hands) Oh wait, Edward are you sure you did do most of the work… (Hands him Stanley’s cup)
Edward laughing: And let you miss out on the glory of Stanley’s cup, NEVER
Bell rings and Bella and Edward walk off

Bella and Edward walking in the hallway
Edward: so what made you come to Forks?
Bella: well my mother married Phil
Edward: Sure you can’t go somewhere else?
Bella: and she was sad staying with me-
Edward: I know this great island no one would look for you there
Bella: So I came to live with my dad
Edward: No one could hear you scream (sounding like he is thinking of something)
Bella: It’s weird with my father though.
Edward: you aren’t paying attention are you?
Bella: We only have one bathroom which sucks since-
Edward: I want to kill you and drink all of your blood
Bella:-I’m a girl
Edward: I never noticed that
Bella: Whoa, totally not paying attention what did you say?
Edward: I said that’s interesting.

Mike with Bella in the cafeteria
Mike: Hey Bella
Bella: Hey Mike
Mike: Bella wanna come to La Push beach with me and some friends this weekend?
Bella: Sorry can’t leave the continental U.S
Mike: What?
Bella: Can’t go to France (sounding impatient)
Mike: I mean La Push, the reservation
Bella: Oh Um, sure
Mike: and Cullen can’t come
Bella: Why?
Mike: They have a thing against the Cullen’s, smartest thing they’ve ever said

Bella walking up to Edward later.
Bella: Hey, wanna come to La Push with me this weekend?
Edward: The reservation?
Bella: God, does everyone know that but me?
Edward raises an eyebrow at Bella.
Bella whispering: I thought it was France.
Edward: I really can’t sorry; we have a thing against La Push people.
Bella: We?
Cullen’s turn up (Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper)
Alice: yes we(smiles)
Bella: Hi, I don’t think we’ve met before
Rosalie mumbling: Smells like wet dog at La Push *giggle* wonder why-
Emmett elbows Rosalie
Edward steps in front of the other Cullen’s
Edward: Bella obviously I’m the best thing out of that gene pool, so lets go.
All of the other Cullen’s jaws drop.
Edward: They aren’t important
Edward wraps his arm around Bella and pulls her away:

Bella meets up with Mike, Angela, Jessica, and Jacob at La Push. Jacob pushes mike off of his seat on the bench. And Mike Falls flat on his face.
Jacob: Hey Bella, save this spot for you.
Bella: Thanks (rushes to take the place beside Jacob)
Mike glares at Jacob.
Jacob: Hey Bella, wanna go for a hike? Alone (putting stress on alone, while looking at mike)
Bella: Sure, if you guys don’t mind (asking the girls, and mike)
Jacob behind Bella glares at Mike
Mike sounding a little frightened: No, were good.
Jacob grabs Bella and drags her into the woods.

Bella and Jacob in the forest.
Bella: So, what’s up with you and the Cullen’s?
Jacob: The Cullen’s? Oh yeah, they don’t come here…
Bella over the top flirting: Why?
Jacob: The old men here are really crazy.
Bella: Um
Jacob: Superstitious Bella.
Bella: Oh, so what do you know about the Cullen’s.
Jacob: I’m not allowed to talk about them.
Bella: Please (bats her eyelashes)
Jacob: Do you want to hear the stories?
Bella: Oh, God yes!
Jacob: wow, enthusiastic much, well the story goes like this…
FLASHBACK- to the treaty between the Cullen’s and Quileute’s
Bella: Cool, the cold ones, hmm sounds sexy.
Jacob: WTF? Bella your not scared
Bella: No, Fuck that, I wanna get laid!
Jacob: Get laid?
Bella: Look at Edward, he acts so perfect, obviously he’s a virgin
Jacob: I’m slightly disturbed actually
Jacob walks away and Bella runs after him and trips.

Bella walks into the Cafeteria sits next to Jessica and Angela
Bella: Hey guys what’s up?
Angela: Talking about prom
Jessica: But since you don’t have a date, or do you? (Eyes Edward)
Bella: Pfft, I wish but I would love to go dress shopping with you guys
Jessica: We didn’t ask you-
Angela: We would love you to come
Bella: Cool, will you guys pick me up?
Angela: Sure I’m Driving

Angela and Jessica trying on dresses
Angela: Hey Bella, what do you think of this one?
Bella: Nice.
Angela: I think I prefer the one five stores ago in blue, what do you think?
Bella mumbling: I don’t even remember five stores back
Jessica: Does this dress make my chest look good?
Bella: Um, do I have to look at your chest?
Jessica: DUH
Bella looks at her chest and starts to gag.
Jessica: Now, I know it looks good
Bella: I think I will catch up to you guys later
Bella gets up and leaves.

Bella walking out of a book store, goes into a dark alley, hears a bunch of guys. Sees them coming up to her dancing and snapping their fingers, a very girly gang.
Random guy #1: Hey baby
Random Guy #2: Come enjoy the ride
Random Guy #3: We’d love for you to join us
Edward Rides in on his bike and rings a bell.
Edward: Bella get on.
Bella: Where?
Edward: On the handle bars, duh.
Edward rides his bike near the guys they scream, and run away, bella and him ride off.

Bella at school, and sitting at a bench, waiting for Edward. Bella sees Edward, and does the finger wag. You see Edward coming and all the other Cullen’s making the whipped sound.
Emmett: Aw, he makes such a cute puppy
Rosalie: At least HE doesn’t smell
Alice: shush, its sweet.
Bella gets up off the bench, as Edward gets closer and walks into the forest.

Bella laughing: I know what you are
Edward: Say it.
Bella giggles: Superhero
Edward: Excuse me?
Bella: Sorry, vampire.
Edward: First thing you got right in a while.
Bella: So how old are you? 17? Sexy.
Edward: But I’m only 16
Bella: Shut up, it’s better for the storyline if your 17
Bella: So how long have you been 17?
Edward: *cough 16 *cough over a hundred years
Bella backing away slowly: Wow, total pedophile.
Edward: Hey, you shouldn’t judge people, I know what you do alone at night- cause I watch you
Bella: wait, you watch me
Edward: Umm, yeah about that, why are you screaming my name at night? Seriously, I’m not a one ladies man, I’m a ladies and mans man
Bella: What?
Edward: Hey don’t want anyone to be lonely-Excuse Me.
Bella Smiles
Edward: But now you should know why we are dangerous
Edward walks into the sunlight.
Edward: are you scared?
Bella: No, not really why you sparkle you think that’s scary?
Edward rips open his shirt
Edward: this is what we look like in the sunlight! I am an ugly creature! Look upon evil
Bella laughs as she sees Edward glittering
Bella: Damn it Edward, that’s the last shirt I am going to buy you if you keep ripping it up like that.

Edward appears at Bella’s house.
Edward: Hey Bella
Edward sees Bella sleeping
Edward: Bella GET UP BELLA!!(Banging pots and pans)
Bella: What the…?
Edward: BELLA!
Bella: WHAT
Bella sits up furious
Edward: Want to come to my home?
Bella throws a pillow at him
Bella: Go BACK TO BED
Edward: Ouch, I’m hurt you know I can’t sleep and anyways I’m not leaving until I get an answer…
Bella: Fine! Now GET OUT! Charlie might hear you!
Edward taps his head: This will tell you if he hears us, anyways he has iron ears
Bella confused: Your forehead?
Edward: What no, I can read minds
Bella: Since WHEN?!?!
Edward: Bella I thought you knew this, some vampire have special abilities-
Bella: NO WAY!
Edward: Yes, in my family. Jasper, Alice, and I have powers. Jasper messes up your emotions, Alice sees the future, and I read minds
Bella: whoa
Edward: Do I need to show you with pictures?

Edward bringing Bella into his house, sees Emmett and Rosalie talking pulls Bella back and Shh’s her, they look in and hear Rosalie’s and Emmett’s conversation.
Emmet munching on gummy bear: yum I love irritable grizzly bears” smiles
Rosalie: umm Emmet you do realize they aren’t grizzly bears right?
Emmet: yeah, but they are bears (said in a obvious sounding voice)
Rosalie: they aren’t even irritable, they are smiling and bright colours, and HOW ARE YOU EATING THEM? YOU’RE A VAMPIRE!
Emmet: yeah, I know, but I love catching them they are so hard to find
Rosalie: Emmet you just go to the store and buy them duh!!
Emmet: I don’t say out loud things you don’t want to hear so why do you say things that hurt so much
Rosalie: Pfft
Emmet: AT LEAST I DON”T HAVE TO DYE MY HAIR BLONDE!!! Oh, was that a secret
Rosalie gets up and walks away pissed, sees Edward, and Bella Giggling their asses off, she glares at them both before walking away
Esme walking in: Hello Bella, come and meet the family
Esme pulls Bella into the kitchen
Esme: This is my husband Carlisle
Carlisle: Hello Bella, nice to meet you, Edward has told us so much about you
Bella: I hope not any bad things.
Esme: This is Emmett (Points to Emmett)
Emmett: Hey Bella, Um Sorry about Rosalie
Bella: It’s no problem
Esme: And this is Alice and Jasper
Alice: Hello Bella, Oh Wait, (sounding angry) Edward now can I talk to her?
Edward: Yes
Alice: Oh Bella, I know we are going to be Great Friends don’t worry about Rosalie she’ll come around
Esme: Alice! And this is Jasper
Jasper: Pleasure to meet you Bella
Carlisle: So Bella, care to play baseball with my family?

Bella: SO Edward, when are we playing baseball?
Edward: We have to wait for the storm
Bella: Storm?
Edward: You’ll see why we need the storm later.

Later in the Cullen’s living room, you see them all warming up and getting ready to play
Bella: Are we going?
Carlisle: Bella, we play right here?
Bella: Um then why do we need the storm?
Alice: Emmett likes his vocabulary of curse words.
They turn on the T.V. and start to play Wii Baseball.
Esme: Bella, you can be Ref.
Bella: How do you cheat with Wii Baseball?
Esme: They do watch
They start playing the game, you hear Emmett yelling, Emmett’s on the couch climbing
Rosalie: That’s my monkey man

You hear a knock on the door. Carlisle goes and gets it.
Carlisle: Hello
Laurent: Hello, we are looking for a place to stay
Carlisle: Of course, come inside
Laurent: This is Victoria (Pointing to Victoria) and James? Where did he go?
Victoria: Damn it, I know I should have put a bell on that boy.
James: IN HERE!
They all turn around to see James in the living Room
James Sniffing Bella: Smells Delicious
Edward: Bella and I were just leaving
Edward pulls Bella out of the house, and throws her into his car.

Bella and Edward in the car.
Edward: Bella… Damn you! I knew you smelt to good, Screw it, I’m eating you.
Bella: What?
Edward: Joking! But seriously Alice is taking you away.
Bella: Alright, god lion and lamb much, and so the lion fell in love with the lamb
Edward: Wait, I want to be the cute little lamb, why do I have to be the lion?
Bella: Because you’re the vampire…
Edward: So you’re a man eater, and I don’t bring that up every five minutes GOD! Now go to Alice, and Jasper.
Bella: Sorry I’m going
Bella gets out of the car and goes off with Alice and Jasper.

Alice, Jasper and Bella in a hotel room
Alice: So Bella…
Bella: So Alice, what’s up?
Alice: I got to ask you to leave, Jasper and I agreed that you got to go
Bella: Where?
Alice: Come On, just go to James, I dare you
Bella: Ah
Alice: Double dog dare
Jasper: Triple Dog Dare
Bella: Damn now I have to do it
Bella walks out and slams the door

Bella goes to the Ballet Studio
James: Wow, my snacks here (claps hands)
Bella: So how are we going to do this?
James: Well I’m going to video tape this and then give it to Edward and Um.. OMG do you think I can post this on YouTube
Bella: No I think you should choose Americas funniest home videos, wait is that show still on the air?
James: Um I don’t know, I thought the guy died!!
Bella: So
James: Yup, I’m going to kill you
The Cullen’s burst in, after James pushes Bella to the floor. The Cullen’s walk closer to James and Bella, and James bites Bella.  Bella Screaming on the floor
Edward: Bella SHUT UP! I’m trying to deal with James
James and the Cullen’s start fighting. They kick his ass and the scene fades.

Bella in the hospital with Edward by her side
Bella: Edward do you love me?
Edward: whoa, um about that, while you were unconscious I kind of hit it off with Jacob, nothing against you but, he keeps totally being an ass to me, and it totally turns me on, do you think if I asked him to go out with me he would say yes?
Bella: Ummm, he’s a dog, do you realize that, He isn’t really into the whole umm
Edward: what the gay thing Bella: WHAT!! No I meant the vampire thing, undead thing, kind of a turnoff for him since he hates your guts...
Edward: Aw man
Bella: And Edward wtf? Why are you wearing a Team Jacob button? I thought…
Edward: It’s so cool! Love it, with the cool scratch marks and…
Bella: Earth To Edward!!

The Prom scence, you see all the Cullen’s, and Angela, Jessica Mike, etc
Bella: Why did you bring me here?
Edward: Your dad paid me twenty bucks
Bella: damn him! He knows I can’t dance
Edward pulling out video camera: That’s why he asked me to tape it
Bella’s jaw drops
Bella: I thought it was more expensive to bribe you
Edward: Oh yeah I also get this camera, and he paid for this outfit
Bella mumbling: Didn’t pay for mine
Bella: Did he do anything else for you?
Edward: He got rid of my criminal record
Bella: What?
Edward: Just kidding.
Bella and Edward enter a secluded area; Jacob finds them and pulls Bella to the side.
Jacob: Bella, what are you doing with him (moves head in the direction of Edward)
Bella: He’s my date
Jacob: My dad paid me 20 bucks to tell you to stay away from the Cullen’s
Bella: Why is everyone being paid money for stuff involving me!
Jacob: Um yeah, so don’t be with Edward
Bella: Um
Edward: Edward is right here!
Jacob: It just got cold in here!
Edward: I’ve been standing here the whole time! The temperature can’t just drop
Jacob stamps his feet and walks off pissed.
Edward sarcastically: Yay, now we’re alone
Bella walks over to Edward
Edward: Whoa, um yeah I have a thing for Jacob sorry
Bella: Damn YOU!!

See Victoria walking down stairs angry undoing her hair and falling.

Cut to end credits and at the end you see one more scene. Edward is holding up the Twilight DVD case, and runs over to bella after putting it down.
Edward: I just saw the cover for the movie, and why the hell are you on the front you don’t even have any cool powers
Bella: well, I’m your love interest
Edward: Really?!?! I thought you’d be hotter

THE END