Twilight Parody

*Author note*

If you do not like someone making a parody of twilight don't read. If you have a problem with me making fun of your favorite character I am sorry. If you are just set out to complain about it then it is simple. Leave. On another note I love twilight. Jacob is so amazing and I love him. I am also mature enough to support others opinions on twilight as I know others don't really like it.

*mild language*

Edward and Carlisle in a hospital approx. 107 years ago. Edward dying in the bed. Carlisle walks over.

Carlisle: You ready?

Edward: For what?

Carlisle takes his wrist and bites him

Carlisle: For the wicked awesome parody!!

Edward yelps and pulls away

Edward: What the fuck! I thought you were a doctor!!

Carlisle frowns and bites him on the neck, Edward starts flinching in pain, and the screen goes blank. Twilight is born flashes across the screen followed by three days later. Edward waking up confused remembers being bitten and sees Carlisle standing over him, Edward frowns gets up, and hits Carlisle across the face

Edward: That’s for biting me, Old men shouldn’t touch your children, especially boys, It looks wrong!!

Carlisle: I just saved you from death!!

Edward: You bit me!! Do you know how hard that is to cover up?

Carlisle: are you an idiot!?!?! I just saved your life!

Edward: Wait, you saved my life….Awkward

Carlisle: You’re a vampire; you should be thankful, great way to get the ladies

Edward: Awesome! (Runs away yelling) Yay, I’m immortal!!

Bella: about 3 things I was positive, First Edward was a vampire *drool* second um he’s a hot vampire! And third I am in love with him oh and (whispers) he wants my blood, and other vampires are after me and I may die but so worth it though, he hot!!

Bella arriving in Forks meeting Charlie

Bella: Wow, I can totally see why my mother left you, I mean god, and seriously you let yourself go

Charlie: Okay I love you too, let’s go I guess.

Both get into the car

Bella: so this is my room

Charlie: Yeah, this is your room, kind of obvious since it’s been yours since you were little.

Bella: Gosh trying to make conversation here dad,

Charlie: Well I have to go, kitchens downstairs you’ll be making dinner, got to earn your keep, Bathrooms to the right…

Bella’s jaw drops open: Wait, what only one bathroom!?!?! We can’t share, I’m a girl!!

Charlie: and I own this house, I only have and need one bathroom, you’ll live through this (Charlie’s voice slowly rising)

Bella: *gasps* Mom let me have my own bathroom!!

Charlie: Do I look like your mother?

Bella: Well you do have boobs---

Charlie: Okay, well I am leaving! Billy and his son jacob are coming tommorow. Remember you use to make mud pies together.

Bella:Yes and he use to make me eat them... Bleh

(Walks out of the room quickly and slams the door behind him)