Baby Scars, Darling || Koli

04.

Kellin

I sit outside of the low branch of a tree, my ear muffs protect my ears from the biting cold, my nose is a light shade of pink by now but it doesn't bother me at all, I like the cold. Snow is a wonderful thing, the crystal flakes that melt in contact with heat but it was beautiful at the same time, it was a perfect scene for drawing which was what I was currently drawing.

Being outside was one of the small things in life I liked, when I was younger my biological parents never allowed me to go anywhere, but the only thing I can really remember are their faces and darkness since my file says I was kept in a cellar for the first three years of my life. "Hey, what are doing up there?" Someone, a male calls up at me, tearing me away from my thoughts as I look down to see a boy around seventeen or sixteen with bright pink hair.

I motion towards my throat, drawing an 'X' over my mouth before placing my hands back into my lap. "You're mute?" he calls up to me, and I nod, placing my things back into my bag before jumping down, landing on my feet easily since Taka taught me parkour when I was about seven.

Now that I'm on the ground, I notice that he's quite tall, about five foot eleven with sharp facial features and flawlessly done makeup with what looks like glitter tears. His nails a long and red, each ring finger painted with glitter and he was dressed fashionably, his body thin and lithe.

My name is Kellin, I sign, hoping that he'll understand me but the smile on his face let's me know that he does. "Hi Kellin, I'm Jeffree, do you want some hot cocoa? Your nose is cherry red and though you're really adorable, I don't want you getting hypothermia," the boy, Jeffree, says to me. I blush while nodding and he laughs, grabbing my hand carefully and dragging me towards a soft blue house next to the lake.

Walking inside, we're immediately met with a blast of warm air and the smell of cookies. "Jayy, Kat! I brought a friend!" Jeffree yells, taking off his coat and hanging it on a hook by the door, taking mine for me before taking me to the living room. My eyes land on a buff guy with short black hair and two sleeves of tattoos and dark makeup surrounding his eyes that hold bright red contacts. He has a piercing through his nose bridge and a tattoo by his eye. The girl next to him was covered in tattoos, her face soft but her features were sharp, long black hair brushed her shoulders, she was shorter that Jayy and Jeffree but taller than me. Like Jeffree, her makeup was flawlessly done but was dark like Jayy's.

"Guys, this is Kellin, she's mute. Kellin, this is my best friend Jayy Von Monroe and my best friend Kat Von D," Jeffree says, and I blush when Jayy winks at me. I couldn't deny it, he was pretty attractive and normally guys don't like it that I'm mute or find me cute, so I knew that my cheeks were rosy pink right now. "Hi, Kellin, I'm Kat. I love your bracelet, did you make it?" Kat asks me, I nod a little, blushing more at the compliment.

"Hey beautiful," Jayy purrs, and I blush even more. "Cookies are done!" Another voice calls, a pretty blonde girl with black rimmed glasses walks out holding a plate in her hands,"Oh, who's this, Jeffree?" the blonde says, setting the plate on the table before walking up and hugging me, I return the hug and the blonde girl smiles at me. "Hi honey, I'm Johnny, I'm Jeffree's older sister," she says to me.

We all sit around and I found out that Johnny was trans MTF just like me, Jeffree was extremely sassy but honest, Kat was kind of quiet but really funny and Jayy was hilarious and a sassy. It saddened me to find out that they got bullied at school, I mean Jeffree was androgynous, Jayy was gay and wore makeup, and Johnny was transgender, Kat got bullied for being quiet and kind of gothic- they were really nice and total sweethearts.

"Well, Avalon High is an amazing school. We mostly hang out with the gothic kids, Ash, Chris, Ricky, Ghost, Vinny, Balz, Devin and Nikki. We all wear makeup and get a lot of crap from people for it, but we're normal too. Oh and Chris looks scary, but he's actually really nice, so I promise that if anyone messes with you that we'll protect you," Jeffree says, hugging me sideways.

That's nice. To be honest, I like having you guys as friends. People back home didn't like me since I'm mute and I got bullied for being trans, kids at the hospital couldn't come near me since I used to have bad panic attacks and they would purposely scare me until I'd be in the health unit for about a month or two, it was hard and my only friend was Taka.

But my new family? I really like them, my old one was horrible though I was really young when I left, I sign and they all frown.

"What happened, sweetie?" Jayy asks me, concern clear in his voice. I think that they should know what happened to me, because it would hurt more if they had to hear it from someone else.

My parents, my biological one's, never loved me. They wanted a girl, a real girl, but when I was born, the doctors found out I was transgender since they found the transgene in my blood. After that, they hated me and I think the doctor's knew it too from how they didn't really care, but they couldn't do anything about it.

At three weeks old, I was put in the attic, left to practically rot but my parents got money from the state as long as I was alive. Every five days I was fed, it was a miracle how I even stayed alive since I was severely malnourished, they also left me to scream myself out until my vocals cords were damaged severely too.

By the time I was one, my parents became to beat me three times a day, by the end of that year I had lost about sixty percent of my blood. Both of them were on drugs and were alcoholics, they actually poisoned me with marijuana, heroin, LSD, vodka and amphetamine. During that time I was kept under a heavy dosage of ketamine and knockout gas, all I can remember is a lot of blood, screaming and darkness.

When I was two my dad began to molest me, sometimes just to make me suffer he would pee or ejaculate into my food or bottles before giving the to me, just before he and my mother would beat me. They also brought in other people to join in, all drug dealers and gang member, people who were sadistic and loved when I'd scream in pain.

At age three, I was starved, only allowed one piece of stale, moldy bread and a small glass of water. By then I already knew what they wanted from me, and not obeying meant punished. Punishment was always mental abuse, I'd be forced to watch countless horror films, films of gang member torturing people or they'd tie me up with open wounds and place me in the freezer, soaking wet with no clothes on.

Eventually, they beat worse than they ever had before leaving me on the side of the road in a different town. That's wear Taka and Ms. San Roman found me, they took me in but I was in the ICU for about seven months, getting vaccines and I'd have to be on a glucose drip to help replace all of the lost nutrients. No one could even touch me without me having a panic attack, I'd always be put under light sedation so they could do their checkups, but eventually Taka was the only one who could be near me without me freaking out.

Four years later, I was finally allowed of the health unit and moved into a room with Taka. But I'd wake up at night not being able to breathe, screaming or I'd be sobbing heavily, I was also diagnosed with sleep paralysis, but it could last up to four hours before I'd be able to move or speak again. I spent most of my time in the bay window of my room, watching the sunset or sunrise, Taka would sing me to sleep and until I was eleven, I couldn't sleep peacefully.

I haven't spoke in thirteen years, the damage done was horrible but I had surgery to fix my vocal cords. My doctor said that though I can speak now, I should stick to being quiet just until they heal entirely, which will be when I'm about nineteen or twenty. Though they are healed enough so that I can sing, but for the most part, I make no sound at all, and I also have sleep apnea so I have to have a CPAP with me so I can keep breathing a night. Ever since then I've never even left the orphanage, I knew everyone there, but unless I feel like I can trust you, then I never leave, I sign, wiping away my tears.

Jeffree's face is filled with horror, Kat and Johnny looked like they were going to cry, and Jayy's face was pale. Suddenly, I feel eight arms wrap around me tightly, I could hear sniffling. "I promise you'll never have to go through that," Johnny says and I nod, crying a little while a laugh escapes me. I think I found some friends that will be there for me.