“So, um. Why did you kiss me last night?” I ask, kind of being bothered by it all morning. “Not that it was a proper kiss or anything, I know it was just on the cheek but, yeah?”
“You just looked really sweet all snuggled up with Bandit,” Gerard blushes, colour rising in every part of his face. He actually looks really adorable. “You seem happier when she’s around like, I don’t know, complete, content.”
I laugh a little, my fingers curling around my coffee mug. “What can I say? She’s a special little girl, you should be really proud.”
“Oh I am.”
And then we both glance over at Bandit and see she has a cream and chocolate moustache on the top of her lip. We laugh at her and she frowns, not understanding why we’re both looking at her and laughing.
“What are you laughing at silly boys?” She pouts and crosses her arms over her chest. I know exactly who she learned that from, and it was Gerard. He’d always pout like that - Always.
“Gerard! She even pouts like you! That is just precious.”
I try to control myself laughing but Gerard’s expression just makes me laugh more. Bandit seems to have noticed her chocolate moustache and she rubs her lips with her hands.
After we finish our coffees and hot chocolates, Gerard takes Bandit home and I am left alone again. The thought of being trapped in the house that is supposed to be called my ‘home’ makes me feel like I am about to break down. It’s torture to me mentally; too many memories that hit me every second of being here leave bruises on my heart. I really don’t want Gerard and Bandit to leave me now.
Before Bandit walks into her home she runs to me with her arms wide open and gives me a big hug. Her chubby arms wrap around my neck and I hold her tightly. I never want to let go but I know I have to. Gerard walks into the house holding Bandit’s hand and by the look on her face I can tell she’s disappointed.
“Bye Daddy Frank,” she says and disappears behind the door with Gerard. I can feel small droplets of rain land on my face. I stand still in front of the wooden door of Gerard’s big house and I let the rain wash away the dirt from the past. The sky goes black and I can feel my clothes stick to my skin. The cold air hits my skin as the cool rain pours down my face and leaves me shivering. I don’t have any motivation to move. My eyes lock on the golden door handle of the door that just moved upwards. It’s either me having hallucinations and going crazy or the door is opening. Gerard opens the door widely and with one hand on one side of the door and the other on the handle he throws his body backwards and his back is bent so his face is just a few centimetres away from mine. A big smile widens on his face revealing his small teeth, his hair slowly getting wet from the heavy rain and sticking to his face. My eyes are wide open and I want to say something but he throws himself back into the house and he’s gone from the step that he was standing on. He bends down and grabs a big bucket of paint from behind the door with one sharp movement. He is more excited than Bandit on Christmas. He steps out of his door again and throws the big bucket of paint, which turned out to be very heavy as well, onto my chest. I catch it and groan in pain. He turns on his heel and grabs another one with his hand before he realizes that I look like I just had a shower in my clothes.
“Oh shit! You’re shivering!” He says and I’m prepared for another bucket of paint being thrown at me but he just runs back into the house leaving the door wide open and comes back with a big umbrella. “I’d invite you in for another coffee to warm you up but we don’t have enough time. We have to finish painting before it gets dark or else it won’t look as good.” He says leaving me in complete confusion.
He starts to walk back towards Starbucks where we left my car, which I seriously regret leaving now, and I run after him, trying to stay under the umbrella. It’s awkward to walk so close, but I try not to touch Gerard at all. Though, it doesn’t work. Our shoulders collide with every step and if I try and step away from him the rain hits my skin quickly. Gerard swapped arms so he was holding the paint in the hand furthest away from me, I still had my paint clutched to my chest, and then he awkwardly hands me the umbrella. This means that he’s the only one with a free hand and I’m confused but maybe his arm got tired or something. But then I feel his arm wrapping around my shoulders and I look up at him to see his face looking straight ahead. I just smile and we continue to walk in silence, his arm never leaving my shoulders.
When we reach Starbucks, there are only a few other cars and my car still there. I guess everyone wanted to get home and out of the rain. “You wanna run to the car?” I ask Gerard, my lip shaking a bit in the cold. He nods and so slips his arm off my shoulder. I count down from three in my head and then I start to run towards my car, Gerard follows at a similar pace, our smokers’ lungs meaning that the pace isn’t all that fast. I place the paint on the wet ground as I search around for my keys eventually finding them and both me and Gerard jump in the car quickly. He must have taken the umbrella from me and put it down because when I shut my door he’s throwing the paints and the umbrella on the back seat.
“Can you put the heat on?” Gerard asks as he’s sat in the passenger seat blowing on his hands to get some colour back into them. “I’m so cold.”
“Sure.” I turn the heat and the radio on, letting the windows steam up a little before cleaning them with a window duster I have in the car. The drive back to my house is uneventful, just Gerard complaining about how cold he is. But we’re eventually out of the car and running into my house, panting when we reach the warm air of the familiar building. The house has never felt so welcoming in a long time, but I guess when the outside is worse than the inside it seems to make everything feel better. We dump the paints that we ran with at the bottom of the stairs and I grab some dust sheets to cover the floors of my house. I don’t know how long painting will take, but it won’t be finished by dark, I know that much.
“Okay, so just lay sheets in the front room for now, because I think that’s all we’re gonna get done for today,” Gerard observes, pouting at the room. “I’ll take down all the pictures and stuff, and then we’ll just start.”
“I didn’t even know we were going to paint my house Gerard, I don’t have brushes or anything,” I sigh. I still don’t know why we’re painting, but I guess I just have to go with it.
Gerard pulls two large paintbrushes from his hoody pocket and I laugh. I bet he had them there all day and night – he probably doesn’t leave the house without paint brushes. “Now as I was saying, the brown will go really great all over the house, but maybe we’ll do your bedroom a nicer colour, kind of darker, more romantic. But this light brown will make your house look bigger, more spacious. It’ll be great, I promise.”
“And why are we painting my house?” I ask as I bend down to flatten out the sheets, I figure I should work and talk because once Gerard gets an idea you’ll never be able to get him to back down. “I’d rather it look smaller too, not bigger. The bigger the house looks, the more alone I feel.”
Gerard’s smile disappears and I feel bad. Actually, he looks like he’s going to cry. “I want you to have a new start Frank; I didn’t want you to feel alone. I can leave if you want? I’m sorry.”
“No, no,” I shrug, “It’s okay. Let’s do it.”
While Gerard starts to take down the pictures of my kids that are covering the walls, I grab the beaten up radio from the kitchen and take it to the front room, letting whatever CD I left in there play in the front room on a lower volume than necessary. I want there to be music so that there isn’t silence, but I still want to able to talk to Gerard and enjoy the company of another person.
Note: We actually own the title, as in we worked hard to create it and make it fit our work without cheaping out and using lyrics, and I don't appreciate people taking it without asking.
Chapter 4
Start from the beginning
