Sometimes, it's just not worth it.

Part Four

*Third Person’s Point of View*

Death is always something that is either expected or entirely unexpected. Like, you couldn’t say that someone on their death bed, or someone with a lethal disease that dies is unexpected, but suicide is surprising. If you’re really observant then you could notice little differences in behaviour leading up to the death but if you’re not, well, it’s totally unexpected.

Louis is getting dressed; ready for his rehearsal dinner, three days before his wedding when it happens. Gemma, Harry’s sister, rushes in to Louis’ room at the Tomlinson family home, with bloodshot eyes, like she’s been crying and looks around franticly until she spots Louis. Fresh tears pool in her eyes and flow freely down her flushed cheeks. Her voice is broken and weak.

“Lou….hospital - Harry… he-..” She can’t finish, but Louis half understands. His stomach is in his throat and the colour has drained from his face. What has happened? They rush to the hospital, Gemma is sobbing in the Range Rover’s passenger seat and Louis is gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles are practically white. Gemma is barely out of the car but Louis chucks her the keys and jumps out; slamming his door and running to the entrance. The woman at the front desk is obnoxiously chewing her gum, playing Bejewelled on her computer and listening to her iPod so she doesn’t hear or see Louis appear.

“Harry Styles?” Louis tries. He waits one, two, three seconds. He’s worried and frustrated and this girl isn’t making it any better. He rips her head phones out of her ears and tries again. “Harry Styles!?” The girls is startled but shakes out of it.

“Oh, uhh sorry.” Louis scoffs, because ‘yeah, of course she is.’ She types something into the computer and looks back up at Louis. By now Gemma has caught up with Louis and is at his side. “Harry Styles, ICU; room 23.” Louis’ heart stops. ICU? What has that boy done? He takes off again, ignoring Gemma’s calls of “Louis, wait!” but he can’t wait. His best friend is in the bloody ICU. He finds the ICU and walks down the hallway. He’s always hated hospitals. The white walls, the cleanliness, the smell and overall, the fear of losing a loved one in one of those stupid beds and stupid beeping heart monitor. He’s walking now, breathing hard as he passes the rooms, 19, 20, 21, 22, and finally 23.

Harry’s family are sitting outside the room; Anne, his mother is sitting in one of the chairs, elbows on her knees and head in her hands. Robin, his step dad is in the chair next to her, his face hard and void of emotion as he looks ahead at the wall. Des, Harry’s father is pacing the corridor as he mutters to himself. Anne is first to notice Louis’ presence. She looks up, sniffling and wiping her eyes and see’s Louis. She sobs as she jumps up and pulls him into a tight, bone crushing hug. Louis doesn’t know what to do so he stands there, hugs her back and lets her cry into his shirt. When she’s finished, she pulls back, wiping her eyes once again.

“Anne, what happened?” She sobs again, eyes wide in confusion.

“Didn’t Gemma tell you?” She turns around to look at her daughter. Gemma is sitting in Anne’s seat and looks up at the mention of her name.

“Tell me what? What happened?” Louis demands. Anne’s eyes are soft as she looks back at him.

“Lou, Harry tried to kill himself.” And then Louis collapses.

Harry is on the phone to Louis, who’s at his Mum’s house in Holmes Chapel - about 6 blocks away from Harry’s house, when he decides it. He’s going to die today.

“Harry? Did you hear what I said?”

“Hmm? Oh sorry.”

“Are you alright? You seem a little distant.”

“Yeah I’m fine Lou, just deep in thought.”

“Oh okay, well as I was saying; Mum wants to have a backyard wedding and I argued that it was too cold but she’s gone ahead and set it up with Eleanor  without any of this said to me. I mean, I’m the bloody groom and I don’t have a say. How stupid is that?”

“Ha yeah,” Harry agrees weakly. “Look Lou, I’ve gotta go. I’ll leave you to get ready for the rehearsal dinner.”

“Oh uh okay, bye Harry, see you soon.” Harry doesn’t reply to that, he just hangs up because ‘No. You won’t Lou.’ After checking that Gemma was busy downstairs, he can tell because she’s yelling at the TV about Britain’s Next Top Model being rigged, he walks to the bathroom, grabbing the first bottle of pills he sees. ‘Aspirin, that’ll have to do.’ He thinks as he takes to bottle to his bedroom. He’s cleaned is room, tidying everything up to make sure the person that gathers his stuff and packs it up once he’s gone doesn’t have much trouble. He sits on his bed and grabs his cup of water. He empties a small hand full of tablets into his palm and swallows them two at a time. He can feel himself losing consciousness as he lays himself down, but he is still able to hear someone enter his bedroom. Anne looks up from the letter in her hand, informing her that the wedding has been moved to the backyard of the Tomlinson’s when she spots her son laying on his bed, an almost empty bottle of Aspirin lying next to him. She rushes over to him and drops to her knees. Harry’s eyes are getting heavy and he’s being enveloped into the darkness. He can hear his mother’s pleas, and he’s sorry that she had to be the one to find him like this. Anne stands up and runs to the stairs, yelling at Gemma from the banister.

“GEMMA! CALL AN AMBULANCE!” Anne rushes back in, praying desperately

“Harry?” No response. “Harry, come on. This isn’t funny.” No response. Harry is slowly dying. Anne reaches for Harry’s wrist, desperately trying to find a pulse. It’s hard but she finds one. A weak one. “Oh God Harry why?” She’s crying now. The ambulance arrives three minutes later, the men telling Anne to step back as they check Harry over. They pick him up and carry him downstairs into the ambulance. Anne is calling Des and Robin as she hops into the ambulance.

“Gemma, go get Louis. We’ll meet you at the hospital” Gemma nods, salty tears cascading over her cheeks.

Louis wakes up in a white room, a pounding headache behind his left eyebrow and he groans as he opens his eyes to a bright light. Gemma is sitting next to him, staring at the floor, thinking hard about something; she looks up when she hears him groan and Louis can see that she has been crying. He wonders why when he remembers why he’s here; why he collapsed.

“Harry!” He gasps as he tries to sit up.

“Whoa there Lou, easy does it. You gave us quite a scare.” She tries to lay him back down but Louis is persistent.

“Harry, what’s happening with Harry?” He was still trying to get up. He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“Shh, it’s okay. He’s asleep, on suicide watch. Mum went in about ten minutes after you collapsed but he hasn’t woken up.” She sniffles as she finishes talking. Suicide watch. So Louis didn’t dream it, he’s actually at the hospital because harry tried to off himself.

“Does anyone know why I fainted?” Louis asked, settling himself back on the bed, back resting against the pillows.

“The doctors say it was mainly shock. You had a fast heart rate too, when they checked you over. You must really care for Harry…”

“I do.”