Chapter Forty Two

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My body swayed as Linette dragged me home. She kept apologising for letting me drink so much, and I was far too drunk to argue.

"I miss everyone. My baby, my fiance, Edward." I slurred. "What if the baby had survived? Then Martin would still be with me. We could have had a family. That's what he wanted. A family. A child. I can't provide a child, and I don't think I can ever give anyone a baby." I hiccuped. "That means I will never marry. If I can't give someone a child, then I can't create a family with them."

"Elisa, stop this drivel." Linette groaned. "I had a daughter before Edward. She was a beautiful little girl. Blonde hair to her waist, rosy red cheeks, bright blue eyes. Her lovely little frame fit so perfectly in my arms. I would tuck her in, sing songs to her, read her stories, make up my own stories when I ran out. Then, at age five, she became ill and passed away. Bernard and I had been distraught, and we tried for another child. We had Edward. He was the spitting image of our little girl, but with shorter hair. It was difficult to even look at him without getting upset. You can try again. It is highly unlikely you will miscarry again." She gave a sigh, quickly wrapping an arm around my waist to stop me from falling over. Even though I hadn't understood her words in the moment, they will forever stick in my mind now. That woman is strong, and she gives me hope.

My mother opened the front door, and frowned.

"Linette. I haven't seen you in a while. I am sorry we have to meet again on such bad terms. My drunken daughter in your arms." I gave her a woozy smile.

"Hello mother!" I stepped inside, almost falling onto the rug. "I would like to go to bed."

"Edith!" Edith rushed down the stairs. "Help Elisa to her bed. Nothing to eat, she just needs to sleep." Edith nodded and started pulling me away. "Please, Linette, allow me to get you some tea. We have fresh apples from our orchard this morning. This will be my thanks. I shall place some in a basket for you to take home, if you like." She scooped up my elbow with a swift movement and led me up the stairs at a fast pace. Of course, I kept on falling over on my feet, swaying about like a tree in the wind.

~~

The morning began with a massive headache and nausea. I probably had not felt sickness like this since I had been pregnant. Edith entered my room practically as soon as I had woken up. She carried a bowl of fruit, a vial of lavender oil and a small cup of strongly brewed coffee. She placed the tray down on the end of my bed. I sat up and pulled the tray onto my lap.

"Would you like the curtains drawn, Miss?" I shook my head. "A candle?"

"Yes please." She lit the candle. "What is the lavender for?"

"You are supposed to rub it on your temples. It should relieve a headache. If not, the coffee is an easy fix. I figured you would be in pain from yesterday."

"Yes. Thank you, Edith." I dipped a cloth into the lavender and gently wiped it across my entire forehead. I then drank the whole cup of coffee down in a few sips. Immediately, the lavender took effect and my headache began to numb. "Oh, Edith?" She was about to leave, but stopped and turned. She gave a little bow. "Could you tell my mother that I am alright? I am sure she would want to know." She nodded and then left.

My red hair had fallen sloppily into my face. I pushed it behind my ears with a slight, gentle touch, almost wanting to cut the lot of it off. At times, I hated the burden of long hair. Other times, I would cry over even the tiniest trim. However, what with all of the change in my life, I began to think about cutting it. I wouldn't go through with it, of course, but it was something I could use to distract myself away from everything.

My mother entered the room after a few minutes. She sat on the end of my bed, a sullen look on her face. She took my hands, placing her own in my lap. Then, a smile grew on her face.

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