Joshifer Fanfiction - A Different Love

Chapter 37

"No." I breathed, my whole body shaking.

Josh looked at me, tears welling up in his eyes.

"I mean...Josh- do you really believe we're ready for this?" I tried to reach for his hand again, but he recoiled.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Don't you feel the same?" He said, and I could hear the pain in his voice.

"Of course Josh, but marriage? It's so official and so-"

"Jen. Stop. It's alright. I don't need to hear anymore." He sighed, pulling me into his arms.

"Relax. I get it." He whispered, but I could tell he was holding in his tears.

I didn't know how to feel, I loved Josh of course, but my mind was spinning at everything. The fact he was already proposing? I couldn't comprehend it.

"I'm so sorry." I felt the tears running down my cheeks as I buried my head in his shoulder.

"Don't stress." Josh rubbed my back, but I let out a sob.

"You might never do it again." I said, crying even more.

"Stop Jen. Of course I will. I'll take as long as you need." Josh whispered, but I could tell he was just saying these things for me. He really wasn't happy.

"If it has anything to do with Alex, then I'll give you time and-"

"Alex?" I pulled away, searching his eyes for any sign of it all being a joke. But he was completely serious.

"You honestly believe Alex has to do with my decision?" I stared at him, shocked.

"Well I can't think of any other reason..." Josh trailed, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe the fact that I'm just not ready?" I snapped, agitated by the fact he thought I would still be thinking of Alex after all this.

"Seems like a lie to me. You could've said yes to Nick." Josh shrugged.

"Yeah. And I didn't. For the exact same reason, besides the fact I was in love with you." I replied, feeling some sort of upset. I couldn't figure out what I really felt though.

"So you aren't still in love with Alex?" Josh asked.

"No." I looked at him blankly. I really believed he would trust me by now.

"Come here." Josh outstretched his arms, beckoning for me to fall into them, but I didn't.

"Fine. I'll be outside then." He furrowed his eyebrows, getting up and walking out. Leaving me alone.

I stared at the floor, my heartbeat quick. I felt angry but guilty for Josh. I could walk out and talk to him, but obviously now was not a good time.

I loved Josh and planned to spend the rest of my life with him- but I didn't want to lose our happy relationship with dull and mature marriage. We were too unstable at the moment to handle that.

After a while of sitting alone, I came to my senses and finally went outside to talk to him.

"Josh?" I sighed, seeing him sitting at the table.

I walked over and kneeled next to him.

"Look at me." I said, putting a hand on his chin and tilting his face to me.

His eyes made contact with mine, and I saw tears in them.

"I love you. And that will never change. Alex and Nick are in the past now. But you and I- we're the present and future. I just don't want to ruin what we have going. I want to wait for the big things like marriage and kids, for the time when we are actually mature enough to handle that stuff." I smiled slightly, and he did too.