PEEL-BEHIND THEIR EYES. Book 1 (Complete)

Chapter 11. Therapy cont.

Question: Robert, you said your mother was ill, that she barely remembers you. I guess you must feel adrift, alone maybe, it can't be easy to watch your mother look at you with doubt in her eyes.

Robert: Yes, it hurts, it hurts a heck of a lot, to watch your own mother look at you with stranger's eyes, not able to see the son she brought into this world, to watch as her illness erases you from her mind, yes, it hurts. It will only get worse until eventually, she will remember nothing at all, dementia is like that.

In my line of work I meet a lot of people who have way bigger problems, generally speaking, they tend to be dead, and a family member of theirs usually the one who killed them. Now I'm the one being slowly being killed by a family member, and there no crime being committed, nothing for me to investigate, no one to convict and lock away. If it wasn't for the Job and my team, then yes I would probably feel lonely, and thanks to this town, there are plenty of problems to keep me occupied.

Question: I know that the stresses and strains of everyday life can exacerbate the condition of the dementia sufferer, and mental and physical abuse even more so, do you remember if your mother showed any symptoms back when your father was alive. Do you blame your father for your mother's ill health, even now?

Robert: My mother has always had a terrible memory Doc, even as a kid, I remember her forgetting names and places, in conversations, she would constantly say 'what his name' or 'that place, you know the one' and 'thingamabob', it was enough to drive you crazy. My father didn't need that excuse for abuse, but he took it all the same. As for your question, no I don't blame him for that. Ironically, it's probably one of the only things I don't blame him for, why Doc, do you think I should?

Question: I have no preference either way Robert; I'm just trying to get to the heart of the matter, that's all. You blame him for a lot of things in your life, past and present, why not your mother's mental incapacity. You seem happy to attribute all the physical injuries you suffered to his failings, but not any mental harm he placed upon you both, why is that?

Robert: You going for the throat today, doc. I've told you already, I blame the fucker for everything he did, what more do you want me to say, that it's his fault for tormenting us, for hitting us, but at least we healed, which we did. Or do you want me to say that I'm scared that if I admit that my mother's mental illness was caused by his reign of terror, then what kind of damage did he cause to my mind, what illness am I suffering or will suffer because of what happened over thirty years ago? Am I a sane, rational man, or was I altered in some way, did his behavior imprint on me. Am I a fun loving, happy go lucky individual, or am I a violent abusive man who hasn't shown his true self yet, hmm! What the hell do you think Doc? We're done here, Doc!

Question: Please Robert, stay, I'm only trying to help you search for answers to questions, some of which you do not know that you are asking. If you must go, go, but first, can I ask if you took my advice and have started to work through your father's last case file, I still think it will do you a lot of good in coming to terms with his death.

Robert: You seem to show a lot of interest in the Barringer case, Doc. Yes, I am, and no, I'm not finding answers. Goodbye!

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