Hiding My Heart

Chapter 39

I twirled it around in my hands slowly, debating if I wanted to read it. Only bad things came when you read something you're not supposed to. But this time my mother wanted me to read it; it was after all addressed to me. 

Slipping my finger under the lip on the envelop I tear it open, slipping the papers out. No time to turn back now. 

My darling little Deidre, 

There is so much that I want to tell you, you and your siblings, but I don't know how. I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, things that I can't turn back and erase. But then again I don't want to go back and erase them, because you and your siblings wouldn't be on this earth if I hadn't of made those mistakes.  

I'm so afraid of telling you my secrets, to tell the truth because I don't want you to think less of me. Your only five years old rights now, still my little baby. I don't want what I'm going to tell you to ruin our relationship; you mean the world to me as does your brother and sister. I love you all so very much and it pains me to see you get hurt. I never wanted this for you, never wanted to be hurt like how your father has hurt us. I never thought that would be our family, broken and keeping secrets. But it's to protect you from the real dangers out there. 

Please, whatever you decide after you read these please don't think less of me. 

I bite my lip and look away. I was only five at the time my mother wrote this, still a child. At this time in my life I was thinking of hiding spots to get away from Joey. I was living a life of fear each night, praying he wouldn't come into my room drunk and hitting me. I was so scared back then and I looked at my mom like a hero. Because she was, she took the hits and did everything she could to protect me and my siblings. We all loved her and trusted her. But when he left and she went crazy I did think less of her. I turned my back on the women that raised and protected me. Turning back I begin to read the letter once more. 

Your siblings are your half siblings; they have a different father than you. Like I said before I made mistakes when I was younger, I got around with the wrong guys and the end result was your siblings. But I wouldn't go back and change what I did because I have two amazing children, three counting you. Their fathers didn't want anything to do with me or them when I had told them. I don't want this to infect your relationship with your siblings. You still are brother and sisters no matter what; my blood runs through all of you. 

You father is Joey. As much as I wish he wasn't at the moment he is, and his blood runs through you. I have to confess that this pain that you and your siblings have endured was my fault. You see Joey and I belong together, we are soul mates and no amount of wishing will change that. There are things out in the world that you don't understand and I hope and pray that you never understand them. Things that are only supposed to be in fairytales and books. 

I don't have the power to say it to you in person, and I hope you never receive this letter before I'm dead because I can't bear to tell you in person. This is why I'm writing it to you, because I'm a coward and can't tell the truth to your face.  

But here it is. Joey is a werewolf and I'm his mate. You don't have to believe this but it's the truth. I found out after we met and he took me and your siblings into his house. He was so sweet to me and played with your siblings, acting as if they were his own. He didn't mind my past and what I had done wrong. He loved me and your brother and sister. But then he told me what he was, even transformed into a wolf right in front of me. I knew he wasn't lying and that scared me. At first I thought he was beautiful and strong, he was the love of my life. We got married shortly after, he was everything I wanted. He was kind to my children, soft and sweet with me and so caring. I had it all, but I wanted more. I wanted another child, something he didn't want.