Cruel Me

Chapter 28 |Part 1|: The Kids Aren't Alright

As I stared up at the clouds, I couldn't help but feel envious. They went wherever the fuck the wind blew them to, and they were cool with it. They were free.

No grudges. No enemies. No messed up families.

Just them and the horizon.

Am I too damn weird for envying that shit?

"After this, I'm done," I declared, more to myself.

Alfie looked over his shoulder to stare at me.

"I wanna be a fucking cloud," I told him firmly.

My best friend had what-the-fuck written all over his face. I sat up, ruffling my hair as I thought of a way to put into words what I wanted to say.

"Man, I don't wanna spend the last few months of high school messing with Scout and his sissy team," I explained, with a frown. "I wanna fucking enjoy it with you mofos," I added, starting to smile. "Just us, no more shit."

His eyes narrowed as he considered my words. He was looking at me as though seeing me for the first time. I could see in his eyes that he knew I was right. He might never admit it, but I could tell he was tired of it all, too.

"Early retirement, huh?" he nodded slowly, a smile growing on his face. He turned his head to his front, staring off to space. As if he was seeing something he liked, he murmured, "Sounds good to me."

"One last ploy," I decided. "Then, it's game over."

No more problems.

"What about your love triangle?"

Shit.

"There's no love triangle," I said indifferently.

Alfie scoffed. "You could've fooled me."

"Fooled me, too," I mumbled.

I admit it.

Snow brought back memories and damn feelings that confused the fuck outta me. But I realized that I had to face something about my past, in order to figure out some shit about the present. It was confusing as hell at first, but a night alone in the basement of my house with a bottle of tequila helped sort things out in my mind.

And when I did, it all just clicked.

I remember my protective side automatically coming out that night when I saw Snow almost get attacked. Honestly, I don't think that'll ever go away.

Snow's my first love. We'll always have some kinda bond. We'll always share a history. She will always be a part of me . . . in the past.

Now is a different story.

Like that dude in Smallville said, the funny thing about scars is that they're always there. But that doesn't mean they haven't healed.

I owed Halo for being a huge part of that healing process.

You know, I always used to think Snow gave me hope. But only now did I realize that Halo gave me some sort of purpose. I dunno, to live?

Man, that sounded cheesy as fuck. But hell, it was like I just realized I've been stuck in a dark tunnel, and I finally caught a glimpse of light at the end.

What was I even so goddamn afraid of? Why did I run like a fucking wuss when I found out she was in love with me? My heartbeat suddenly accelerated at the thought.

That was the moment I knew.

I might not be in love with Halo yet. But I was getting there – 200 miles per fucking hour. And I was scared shitless.