Frozen Past (A Naruto FanFic/Gaara Love Story)

Grief

The footsteps come closer, then stop just behind me. A hand is placed on my shoulder. I look up into the face of Kakashi Hatake, his eyes just as sad and dark as my own.

"Hello, Kakashi Sensei," I say softly, dropping my head and staring forlornly at the headband in my hands. "Akari," he greets, taking a seat beside me. "Aren't you late for Third Hokage's funeral?" I ask. "I could say the same of you," he replies, his voice oddly distant. But not so distant that I fail to recognize the guilt weighing down on him.

"Are you here for the same reason as I am?" I ask, lifing my gaze to meet his eyes. He nods. "There's a certain name here that hasn't left my mind since the day he died, saving my life," he says. I would ask who he's talking about, but I can't muster up the curiosity. I haven't experienced a feeling that positive in days.

"Kakashi Sensei," I whisper, just loud enough to be heard above the rain. "Does this... does the pain, the emptiness... ever go away?"

He takes a long time to figure out his answer, staring at a name on the rock with an intense gaze that I usually don't see in his carefree eyes. I don't mean to, but my eyes cross the spot he's staring at: Obito Uchiha. Uchiha. I guess that's interesting. And I guess it means he died a while ago. Kakashi must have been carrying around this guilt for a very long time.

"It lessens," he says finally, turning to face me. "It never goes away, at least in my experience. For thirteen years, I've had this pain, this empty feeling. But it doesn't consume me like it did in the past. I never forget, but I can choose not to focus on it. It isn't the only thing I feel anymore."

"How long have you been here?" he asks after a while. "Since dawn," I tell him in a flat voice that is preferable to my previous sobs. "I left Shikamaru's house before the sun rose and came here."

"So you're still living with Shikamaru and his family."

"I can't bring myself to go... home," I say in a whisper. "I forgave Masaki, but my moth-- His mother... I can't see her, can't forget the secret she withheld from me for twelve years. I think it makes me a horrible person, to not forgive her for such a petty thing. She says she did it out of love, and I understand that, but it doesn't make it any better for me. I still feel that, if she really loves me, she should have told me the truth years ago." I pause, then add, "Yes, it does make me a horrible person, for feeling like this about a woman who was my mother for twelve years."

"You are anything but, Akari Yuki," Kakashi says, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I lean my head against his shoulder, mildly surprised that Kakashi is being so comforting. I never pegged him as that type of man. It doesn't make me any less grateful, though.

"Are those for Hayate?" Kakashi asks, directing the question to whoever is walking up behind us. Hayate Gekko was killed by Baki, the Sand Siblings' Sensei, before the final round of the Chunin Exams even began. "Yes," comes the reply, a woman's grief-filled, yet determined, voice. She appears on my other side, setting down a pretty bouquet of flowers next to the one previously brought by Botan. She places her hands together in prayer, then turns to the two of us. "Who is this?" she asks Kakashi, for some reason deciding I won't answer her. I'm not saying she's wrong, I just feel it's inconsiderate of her.

"Her name is Akari Yuki," Kakashi says, glancing down at me. "She's the adopted sister of Masaki Kita, who died in the attack."

A sob threatens to build up in my throat, so I throw up a hand to cover my mouth, turning my face into Kakashi's shoulder. "How awful," the woman says softly, placing a hand on my back in a consolatory gesture.

"Third Hokage's funeral has already started," the woman informs us, standing and dusting herself off. "I know," I say in a hoarse voice, gently ducking out from Kakashi's arm. "I've been meaning to get up and go, but I haven't been able to convince myself it's the right time to leave Masaki."