A Dead Conversation

A Dead Conversation

“So…you’re Death?”

“Maybe. I’ve been given lots of names in lots of languages. From your world, I personally like La Muerte. Sounds like some sexy salsa.”

“Rrright. You sure you’re Death?”

“Yeah. Well, probably to you.”

“So are you evil?”

“Are you one of the people that associates me with some Fallen One dude? ‘Cause if you are, then sure. I’m evil. Why not? To those who want to believe it I mean. But know I’m just a guy trying to make sure there’s enough room in this world for you guys.”

“You’re a guy? So you’re male?”

“Male?”

“Yeah. You know. Not a girl.”

“Oh yeah. I almost forgot about you people and your gender thing. There’s just so many in this existence. You are one of the few with dongs and trumpet bells.”

“Dongs and trumpet bells?”

“What? Don’t you guys do the innuendo thing?”

“Yeah, but—”

“Also this guy and girl thing. Don’t you people refer to each other as ‘guys’ even when talking to girls?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Isn’t that confusing?”

“No. In fact, you just referred to my kind as ‘guys’ a few times already.”

“Well aren’t you nifty trying to outsmart me?”

“What’s confusing is you talking about other…people that don’t have genders.”

“You wouldn’t get it, dude. Asexual reproduction and all that. Not until you’ve tried it can you understand it.”

“No. I mean, are you talking about aliens?”

“You’re an alien.”

“Wh—what?”

“Yeah. Look at yourself. All fleshy and gross. No wonder you guys self–proclaim yourselves as Miss Universe. Or is it Mrs.? Mrs. are the girls, right?”

“Yeah. I take it you’re not a girl.”

“Do I look like a girl?”

“You look like…I don’t know what you look like.”

“Would you like it better if I change my form?”

“Can you?”

“No.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“Why not?”

“Okay. Now you’re just being a jerk.”

“Yup. Especially ‘cause I can change my form.”

“Yeah, okay, and now you’re being a dick.”

“Ah, why do you care? You’re about to die anyways.”

“About that…”

“Yeah?”

“Can I do one more thing before you take me away or whatever it is that you’re gonna do?”

“No.”

“Come on. I’ll make a deal with you.”

“I’m Death. I don’t make deals.”

“I thought you said you were or were not Death.”