The Queen of Cats

Katharsis 0: My First Girlfriend

Look both ways before you cross my mind.

-Kendrick Lamar, To Pimp a Butterfly

I am dangling upside down. Something small and sharp bites into my back. I am naked. I am clean.

"Well, I thought you wouldn't bite."

Death stands in front of me. She is leaning on her shopping trolley. She is beautifully familiar in the dark.

I look around me. Hooks. Hooks everywhere.

And all empty.

Except the one I'm attached to, I guess.

I look back at the angel hovering near me. "I didn't."

"Doesn't matter. You're here anyway."

She pokes me in the bare tummy.

"Where are we?" I ask.

In whatever's left of your mind.

"I'm dead."

"Not yet. You will be soon, though. You're biding your time."

"Until I die?"

"Until the ritual begins its final stage."

We are silent.

Then I suddenly feel the need to retch.

Death steps back.

I vomit.

My bile coalesces in the air to form a complete apple. It falls. I try to reach for it. It is beyond me.

"Well, that's that." Death says. "The prologue to your life is officially over."

"You're my grand-mother?"

"I'm the free agent."

I don't ask what she means. I don't care anymore.

I wait and she waits with me, silent.

"Tell me about your mother." she says.

"She hated you."

Kavya Rothmans' decrepit corpse manages to chuckle. Her cat's head shudders in her hand.

"I know. I tried to die, you know? But it didn't work. I still have another job to do." she says.

"And that is?"

"To send you home."

I swing in the dull breeze. I can see nothing ahead of me. Nothing but stars.

"Will it hurt?"

"I don't know. I guess-

She never finishes. She is yanked away from me. My hook has crumbled and I am falling. I am not safe.

I look down. There is nothing. Nothing to fall toward. Nothing but air.

Then I see it. The patterns. The fibrous, twisting little networks. I am falling through a brain.

It is so familiar yet so very alien. Green things pulsate. I remember the old formulas I studied in tenth grade biology. The cerebrum. The thalamus. The medulla. I was through. It was all transparent.

Eye could see through him. The back of his eyes. His thick lips. His neck, made of what looked like PVC pipes. They had their ISO marks stamped on them. Down.

Down and down.

He was so foreign to anything Eye could ever imagine and Eye did not understand how Eye could be in him and part of him moving so seamlessly through the smooth bulk of his body.

and there eye was breathingfeelingbeing one with him this mad god this thing of the galaxies and skies this demon from hell and eye was with him and eye was him and eye was eye

(

and eye watched with fear and sorrow as he took me through himself. Down his wind pipe, past his octopus lungs, his fish bones for ribs past his penis like a large usb stick inputting data into the world he was assimilating me this hodgepodge of things

from

ages

past

and

ages

present

he

is

potent

and

filled

he is filled with nothing

nothing more than slime and decay and I feel parenthesized by him there is nothing nothing more than him now and eye am an afterthought something left for him to consider his choice meal he picks and chooses delicately and with finesse he is a crafty beast this one and eye sit in his stomach and find solace through his sloshing purple shit and eye am lost in the middle of this psychedelic haze and there. must. be. a. way. out. and it hurts it hurts so much eye can barely feel anything anymore and my eyes sting and my hair stings and I feel nothing nothing more than my nudeness within this beast and my thoughts

FREE ME I AM BEELZEBUB

eye hear him clearly but he is not Beelzebub he is not the lord of the flies he is the master and the mouthpiece was assimilated before me and eye am waiting for my turn he is the computer of the world the answer to the question and he shall ejaculate me and eye am in his scrotum now, entering his testes they are tennis balls and they are warm and toasty like he's in a heated bath and there eye am inside him waiting oh waiting oh waiting and eye feel pressure oh incredible pressure

FREE ME AND I SHALL FREE YOU AND WE CAN BOTH BE EMANCIPATED FROM THIS MADNESS

there is no emancipation there is only the ritual and the ritual is throbbing and the ritual is life and the ritual pushes me higher and higher and pumps faster and faster and I am here I am waiting to join the output I am the flow I am in Removable Disk P and eye shall be spat out presently never to return

and eye must come to grips with what has happened

eye have turned myself over

eye am the mad god's output

eye am waiting

eye am climbing higher and higher and fluids mix with me pepsi seminal fluid it corrodes me and eye am data waiting to be erased from here and burned into that something feline something below me I can see eye am almost there

eye

eye

eye

achooo

eye am free falling

and here eye go

here eye go

That was weird, eh. Hopefully, I get some sleep tonight. 

WEIRDEST. CHAPTER. EVER.