déjà vu?

nine // the fault in the fight

The party was supposed to start ten minutes ago, but Tyler still hadn't arrived. Ashley had already mentioned calling it off and Jenna suggested to go get him. I didn't agree with either of their ideas because I knew how long it took to get from his house to mine and he was probably being delayed by his mind no doubt about it. It was typical Tyler to loose track time.

It was officially 30 minutes later when I was about to cave in when the familiar head popped through the door. He looked a bit flustered as he entered, seeming to notice either his sudden arrival or late entry. I didn't dwell on his embarrassment for long, wanting nothing more than to tell Tyler off. It was odd for someone like me who has never felt this way toward anyone, even more so Tyler. Him and I have always gotten along even durning these past few months where we both weren't in our best places. Sure we didn't speak, but I can see it going a lot worse, and maybe that's the anger I'm having to steam off towards him.

"Hey, Tyler?" The room was empty now, Ashley and Jenna mentioned how they were going to the store because they had forgotten some ingredients, and Tyler and I were left alone.

"Yeah?" Tyler seemed uncomfortable being left alone with me, sitting cautiously on the couch neighboring mine. He shifted getting comfortable as I waited as patiently as I could.

"Remember four years ago? The promises we made?" I slowly coughed out, my anger filling me with each second we sat. He rested his head onto his hand, his eyes low and colorless, déjà vu filling my head from that night.

"Of course I do. How could I forget how you allowed me to loose myself after distinctly explained to you not to let me do?" He stated quite sarcastically. I prevented myself from rolling my eyes, not allowing myself to dread on his tone.

"However, it seems as though you have failed to remember the second promise we made to each other? How we promised to never attempt suicide! And would you look at that, you broke it down to the core of the promise!" I stood to my feet as I yelled the last few words, allowing my anger fill up with my actions.

"You've seemed to of forgotten the second part of that promise. How we promised not to purposely hurt ourselves?" Tyler explained as I sat down as calmly as I could. He was right, had I failed to mention that part of the promise now? "I think we are both at fault here, huh?"

"I think your failing to see which of us is in recovery here." I chuckled indifferently. It was then when it hit me, had he really realized the pain I was in during the time I was overexercising?

"Don't think I just overlooked you in agony!" He yelled to an extent that was loud enough to be telling but not enough to be above an 'indoor voice'. He probably had perfected that over the years with how strict his mom was on that kind of topic. But that wasn't the topic I needed to be focused on at this moment. He allowed me to sit in pain while I killed the muscles of my body? What kind of friend is he for allowing me to hurt myself? I thought that was part of the promise, to stop each other from doing these sorts of things. Whatever, turns out I repaid the favor by allowing him to try to take his life, but that didn't cause me to feel any better. It only made me feel more dead inside than I already was.

"I'd rather you would have!" I yelled in the same tone. I watched as he sat there helpless for a minute or two before he pulled back from his position on the couch, and pulled his legs to his chest. I recognized it as his comfortable position to be in when he was having a crisis-oh crap. Have I caused him to have a crisis? He seemed to sit there for a moment with his brows furrowed together in serious concentration before slowly shifting out of it.

"Then have it that way, Dun. Enjoy your life." He stated quite harshly as he gathered himself and started to leave. As I watched him walk out, it didn't take long for me to gather my pride and go after him. Lord knows how much I would regret the moment of letting one of my best friends walk out of my life that easily. We may be fighting, but that to me doesn't dim the label of our friendship.