By Your Will, Lord. (ON HOLD DUE TO EDITING)

Chapter 7

"Is He enough for me..." I mumble as I drag the paintbrush across the canvas, painting the oceans wild waves. The combined colors of the electric blue and light green give the water in front of me the intensity I am trying to capture in a few brush strokes. 

I am sitting just in front of the most perfect view in this beach house that's settled in a quiet place on the busy beach. Dad came across the small, isolated home when taking a walk on the shore with mom. I guess since it was so tucked away, no one really payed much attention. But my family has always loved the peace and quiet.

We rented the house for the entire summer. The weather here is more than hot compared to England's cool winds. I am sat here on a small wooden bench I found perched just outside on the front porch. I grabbed my paint supplies; my paint brushes, my acrylics, my watercolors and a mason jar full of water. Mom and Emma had surprised me with a large easel and huge canvases to prop up on it. I had immediately requested to be taken out to the beach house to paint the waves.

My view was incredible! I had previously toured the house with my two sisters when I found the stairs leading up to the attic. The three of us went on up, Emma, in case of mice, lingering behind Alexis' small frame, but when I opened the door my breath caught and so did theirs. One wall of the tight attic was made completely out of windows. The wooden planks under our feet creaked and groaned when we finally stepped into the room and when Alexis went to run her fingers across the window, her tips came away covered in dust.

I convinced my two siblings, who had nothing better to do, might I had, to help me clean the entire attic. They agreed once I bribed them with food and we spent the entire day cleaning. Emma gave up first to no one's surprise, so me and Alexis quickly finished up the rest of our work which consisted of me mopping the floors and her cleaning the windows. Once we were finished, we pushed the large, and now clean, leather couch back to the center of the room and headed off to eat McDonald's.

I payed.

And now here I am and I can't seem to shake Ann's words from my mind.

"That is why, Naomi. We shouldn't really be surprised. This is your fight, remember? You won't always be accepted but that's not the point. The point is that we're accepted by God. Is that enough for you?"

The answer to that question is simple; yes. He is enough for me. But that's not why I can't seem to stop the words from playing in my head repeatedly. My entire life I tried to be accepted. I tried to fit in and I tried to be I sync with the crowd. Whether that was at school, my first job, or even with the rest of my family. I never wanted to feel like the "different one" as Emma has put it in the past. And I still don't. Going back to school, a new school, is going to make me the outsider again. And while I sat in my room in England worrying over being the new kid, I never really considered the thought of Jesus being enough for me throughout this process of trying to fit in. I've told Alexis to stop worrying, but I didn't take my own advice.

So that's why I'm here. It's been about two weeks since Ann and I have had that talk and I have finally made the decision to stop thinking on my own and let God help me.

"Lord," I breathe out. I dip my brush into the blue paint and continue capturing the curve of the waves. "You are enough for me. So instead of me trying to take control of the situation, to try and fit in, I give it over to you. I place this shift in my life into your hands because you are enough." I take my eyes off the swirling blues in front of me and smile up at the sky; at Him. "And I trust that you will help me. Just please, remind me to stop worrying. No matter what I face, you are enough for me and I will always put you first. I love you, Jesus."